Projections, awakening and purification

[mandyjw]

I'm finding it incredibly difficult to relate to people without them being a perfect mirror of all my hidden unconscious psychological stuff. I understand that it's already this way anyway, whether I'm aware of it or not.

I don't want to make projections about people, but the current way I interact with people is with my making assumptions about them, some conscious and some NOT at all. 

I know that meditation and self love leads to the connections being made so that I can see how I am doing this. As I become aware of how I attract/create/am responsible for every interaction, I see through this more and more... BUT it's still EMBARRASSING AS FUCK. The more impurities I become aware of, the more obvious the hidden becomes after a time and the more I see what misled assumptions I make about "other people." Sometimes these absolutely floor me. 

My question is, umm, well... can I avoid this somehow?  And still grow? Is there an easy button? Or is that exactly what needs to occur by letting it play out (to a certain point anyway) and then being willing to see it? I guess I have to die to the embarrassment of it, as it's all by design. If I avoid making projections, I avoid the interaction and the opportunity to see through my unconscious assumptions. To further complicate this I see how some of my projections served me or were necessary at the time. For example, when I was a child I looked to my mother for emotional support. At what point do we stop looking to others for emotional support? For awakening it's necessary and yet true independence, cut off from others, is not a possibility in truth either. 

I'm really not sure how I could possibly still have a concept of myself as being a reasonable person anyway, it's far too late for that. But there's something there still clinging to that, something that wants to believe that it's reasonable more than it wants to see the truth. Something that cares more about what other people think than it does loving and seeing clearly.

As I connect with other spiritual people who are awake or awakening, this seems to get far more wild and ridiculous and terrifying, like completely uncharted waters. It becomes a very careful balancing act between being willing to see one's most hidden and best guarded defilements and also loving yourself through it all. 

SO THIS is why monks sometimes mediate in solitude in caves.  

 

Edited February 26, 2020 by mandyjw

[Haumea2018]

If it makes you feel better, 99.999999% of humanity is doing that along with you (and the other tiny number still does it, but immediately realizes it.)

There's nothing to be embarrassed about, it's being human.  

[mandyjw]

@Haumea2018 I really want to be the .0000001% though! 

Edited February 26, 2020 by mandyjw

[Haumea2018]

The only way to get there is by embracing your perceived imperfections, not by rejecting them.

It's a paradox, I know.

Besides, Bernie would tax the hell out of you in that bracket. 

 

[Codrina]

Quote

@Haumea2018 I really want to be the .0000001% though

No you don't. It means not caring about what other people say. It literally means loving with all your heart,despite the consequences 

 

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

As I become aware of how I attract/create/am responsible for every interaction, I see through this more and more... BUT it's still EMBARRASSING AS FUCK. The more impurities I become aware of, the more obvious the hidden becomes after a time and the more I see what misled assumptions I make about "other people." Sometimes these absolutely floor me. 

Yes, it is. It is the most painful feeling to see deep down when people you look up to ,don't.     (and I assume you noticed you only care about the opinion of people  you look up to)

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

My question is, umm, well... can I avoid this somehow?  And still grow? Is there an easy button? Or is that exactly what needs to occur by letting it play out (to a certain point anyway) and then being willing to see it?

I will say, I have no idea if you can avoid them. I have been trying to avoid them for the last few years.  It worked as long as I kept to myself. No friends, etc I am not actively trying to avoid it anymore. I am just living my life, the best story I can imagine for this character that I am. And it seems that, sometimes, that leads to loving others in ways they have no idea you could love. It will hurt you like hell and, I guess, make you grow in the meantime (growth comes with pain, no?). I gave up on the perfect ever after life. I think as long as you play your human role, you need to go through the full extent of human emotion -  a whole lot of pain and a whole lot of joy

[VeganAwake]

No need to identify with it...

So there's a conditioned human body reacting to life... that's all that's going on... it's what's happening.

See there isn't a YOU there,  it just seems that way.

Maintain as the witness like Eckhart Tolle talks about....

Home is when it's recognized nothing needs to happen Perfection is at hand❤

 

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

At what point do we stop looking to others for emotional support?

It’s the fabric of the dream in a sense. Don’t rule any out over some thoughts, or perception. It’s all you. Even the emotions.

“Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain... we can be like they are”

You might be off to see the wizard.

[DrewNows]

Story time!!!! ??

this video is unique and entertaining, going into Depth on the masculine and feminine types of healing and how they appear in experience and perception 

Edited February 26, 2020 by DrewNows

[purerogue]

It is possible ofc, think of it as subconscious activity that just reacts, it is mechanical,there is nothing really else behind it , in a way, now ignoring all the posts of people who think that there is only mechanical aspects, they have given up all their free will , to live in lala land and let only subconscious act.

You have to  rewire subconscious, imagine that you have hundreds of personalities, or patters that scream over each other trying to be in control of experience, they can be caused by many things, traumas,beliefs, things you have picked up in your life from your family,friends etc, on what  to judge , what is bad, good and so on. 

You could say that everything that comes up is just what you picked up and that is why it so confusing, as they often contradict each other.

Anyway I am not expert on healing or rewiring, never has been my priority, what I can say that you should have strong awareness to at last be able to see what is what. 

[Leo Gura]

8 hours ago, mandyjw said:

My question is, umm, well... can I avoid this somehow?  And still grow? Is there an easy button? 

There is.

Take a psychedelic with the intention to become conscious of all your projections, assumptions, and judgments. And be ready for a beating.

And while you're at it, become conscious of what "other" is. You may be shocked to discover that other itself is nothing but your projection.

[tsuki]

@mandyjw I acknowledge that you care deeply about your shadows, but have you ever met one outside of your thought stories about how the world/you works?

How does the shadow hunt make you feel? 

8 hours ago, mandyjw said:

EMBARRASSING AS FUCK.

 

[mandyjw]

23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

There is.

Take a psychedelic with the intention to become conscious of all your projections, assumptions, and judgments. And be ready for a beating.

And while you're at it, become conscious of what "other" is. You may be shocked to discover that other itself is nothing but your projection.

I have young kids and because of that responsibility I still require the support of my husband to responsibly use psychedelics, which I currently do not have. It's not a convenient time in my life to be going through this but it's happening anyway. 

 

[Lento]

@mandyjw

Well, here's the kicker; you're projecting a 'negative' value onto projections, which is probably a learned value from the projections that others have made onto you, and by doing that, you're giving your authority away to them, but you certainly don't have to. You can project all you want without resistance. In fact, you can't not make projections. You, as a perception (ego), are a collection of projections (and so am I). The projection and projector are one, just like the perception and perceiver are. There's no such thing as a projection.

How to reconcile this practically? By recognising that the value of projections is not inherent in them. Projecting assumptions onto others is not a bad thing. It's a tool for communication, that's all. Without projections, there probably wouldn't be much connection between two human beings! We'd probably be like chemicals reacting mechanically with each other without much space for subjective self-interpretation and self-expression. Projecting is an amazing tool! The subjective ego-life experience is only possible because of the ability to project. This whole thing is only possible because of it. It allows for freedom and creativity to be. So, there's a positive side to it. Choose to focus on the positives. Be the creator of your projections. Be the creator of your values.

Edited February 26, 2020 by Lento

[Leo Gura]

30 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I have young kids and because of that responsibility I still require the support of my husband to responsibly use psychedelics, which I currently do not have. It's not a convenient time in my life to be going through this but it's happening anyway.

Survival is a great excuse for not awakening, eh?

But I get it.

[Applegarden]

@mandyjw When you become aware of certain judgement or emotional reaction to your toughts or the toughts of others, just notice it as it is. No need to ovething, it does not serve what you really are, so why entertain it by responding? Just notice and thats it. Every time i get rejected by somebody i just notice the reactions happening within me and the most of possible entanglements just disappear, as nothing much or nothing even happened.

Or look this way, i will use me as an example. Every judgement by me is incomplete. How can my judgement have value if the identities of me and other people are changing  real-time and there is large amount of factors why people are the way they are and how sophisticated and complicated they are, there is no need to go in front of and fight an unstoppable force, just don't go in front of it, you are not standing in its way already as the reactions pop up, however choosing to entertain and respond to them is what is stepping in front of it.

I usually find hillarious when people have an argument like who did it (something bad) and they assume it was you and after they bursted out on you they find out it was not you and now they have no substance anymore to attack you (suppose they tought i broke their window but maybe it was some flying object because it fell from somewhere, by accident with no person involved i mean), or when they try to be a constant victim and can't convince anybody anymore that they are a victim and has to take responsibility for something in their life (for their violence, bullying, criminal activity, misintegrity or irresponsibly or hypocrisy, whatever). The anger was because there was an excuse to allow that person to be angry. When there is no more of that it is so funny, the 180 degree change in behaviour, confusion, powerlesness and of the massive hypocrisy of them they don't want to be exposed to, sometimes they start smiling laughing at themselves (which they just couldn't hide) because they know they are bsing.

[zeroISinfinity]

@mandyjw All you. 

YOURSELF. ❤️?

Wake up. 

[mandyjw]

@Codrina

@DrewNows @Keyhole Thank you, hope to get to watch them later today. 

@tsuki I gave up the hunt, but sometimes when I start feeling good, connections get made and they almost always lead to something about myself I wasn't seeing. It's all a very satisfying, except for sometimes when thoughts come in after and say, "you idiot, you should have known that already." It doesn't feel good to make some projections, but it does feel good to see through them. 

@Lento  I agree, projections are part of seeing what we are creating. Because of a commitment to truth and love I want more than anything to see clearly, and the ironic thing is that that can quickly turn into a need to have an objective reality or ground to stand on.  I guess it's as easy as watching the beauty unfold. 

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Survival is a great excuse for not awakening, eh?

But I get it.

 It sure is.

 

 

 

 

 

[tsuki]

9 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

It doesn't feel good to make some projections, but it does feel good to see through them. 

It seems to me like what really doesn't feel good is the self-judgement coming with the thought:

9 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

"you idiot, you should have known that already."

and projections themselves are completely innocent and spontaneous.

That judging thought is not vibrating with love, but rather - irritation, impatience, or high expectation. It's no wonder it doesn't feel good. Instead of asking "how can I stop projecting onto others?", a better question would be "how to stop projecting expectations onto myself?". Can you see time in that thought?

Edited February 26, 2020 by tsuki

[LastThursday]

10 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I see through this more and more... BUT it's still EMBARRASSING AS FUCK.

It's projections all the way down. Flowing with it, not against it, will allow you to swim to the other side without drowning. 

[mandyjw]

20 minutes ago, tsuki said:

It seems to me like what really doesn't feel good is the self-judgement coming with the thought:

and projections themselves are completely innocent and spontaneous.

That judging thought is not vibrating with love, but rather - irritation, impatience, or high expectation. It's no wonder it doesn't feel good. Instead of asking "how can I stop projecting onto others?", a better question would be "how to stop projecting expectations onto myself?". Can you see time in that thought?

Yes, but you've seen me in full force. Should I just let that go without judgment? There's definitely time in that thought. I'm perhaps projecting that what happened in the past might occur in the future. I rely on other people for emotional support and I believe that I should be independent, above this. 

The recent example of this was that I realized that I never stopped needing emotional support from my mother. When I awakened, that problem was fixed but I also consciously realized that I could never go to her again for emotional support for the real challenges I was facing, the ego backlash that came on the heels of a mystical experience or awakening. I was alone. I mourned my real life relationships, even though on the outside, they were great. I saw then that the connection I sought from them and always hoped to get would never be found. Out of the nonacceptance or that, or needing to integrate that over time I became reliant on other people here, projecting my need for emotional support on them. The need to be "seen" persisted, but now it was projected onto people who I thought of as awake, people here on the forum, teachers. 

It is hard to accept that no one will ever see me. No one will ever love me. I am not. I am already. I am love. 

The form, the programming wants to throw all the monkey wrenches it possibly can to avoid facing this. And yet, it's all it ever really wanted all along, actualized. 

@LastThursday

Edited February 26, 2020 by mandyjw