On being a child of immigrants

[Mongu9719]

@Leo Gura I strongly identified with you when you said that you had struggles when you were younger due to moving from Russia at a young age and didn’t really fit in. My parents are from India, and I always struggled to fit in with my peers just because I looked different from them and had a different cultural background. I grew up in Florida my entire life, but there were very few minorities in my class (maybe one or two others). I always felt ashamed of my Indian side and suppressed it as I was made to feel ashamed of it by peers and bullied for it. I told my parents to stop giving me Indian food to eat at lunch and instead buy me lunchables. I also had a lot of struggles socializing  because my parents were very strict and conservative while my peers could do what they wanted and their parents were extremely liberal. Additionally I feel fairly isolated as my extended family is in India and I can’t relate to them due to cultural differences. I also have difficulty speaking the language. I do feel a bit conflicted about embracing my parents culture vs ignoring it. I was wondering if you have gone through some of these issues yourself. Do you visit your family in Russia often and do you struggle with the language? Do you identity as just American or does your Russian background play a part in your life? Have you been bullied for your Russian background or food? Were your parents strict like many immigrant parents? Do you still feel different from others?

Edited February 25, 2020 by Mongu9719

[Preety_India]

 

I feel your pain as a fellow Indian. It must have been incredibly painful being bullied for being Indian. I think all immigrants get bullied in the end. 

Indian food is some of the best in the world so getting bullied over Indian food is just nasty. 

I can relate to strict parenting. It's like an Asian Meme. My parents were strict and it was difficult for me to socialize as a result lot of Indian kids struggle with socializing growing up. I wish Indian parents got some sense. 

 

You should never feel ashamed of being Indian. Hate to see that. Indians are among the most humble intelligent and down to earth people on the planet. Never let bullying and racism take you away from your identity. It's just some people who can't see the success of Indians because they can't be better.. 

My family is also in the US although I'm born in India. I usually meet them sometimes. But I prefer to be in India. I was in the US for a long time, suffice to say that I wasn't very happy with the culture or anything there. It's toxic.. So I'm happy being here in India. I found better job opportunities and less work pressure and now that my family owns a business here im firmly established here in India happy with my job and income. 

Work pressure in the US is like sucking blood out of a person. 

The attitude towards immigrants is very racist and rude. Don't let that get to you. 

Don't let them mock you or make fun of you or shame you for not taking it lightly. They just want people to put up with their insults. Not cool. 

In other countries they make a big deal out of Indian food and culture and half of the time they don't even know a thing about India. They just love to buy into stereotypes and keep trumpeting about them. It's just plain narcissism and ignorance. 

Being born as an Indian in American culture can be traumatizing. Because you don't know what to identify with anymore. 

Try not to feel shamed for what you truly believe in whether the belief is Indian or American. Invent your own unique identity. Instead of struggling to call yourself Indian or American, call yourself a unique person who is living a unique life and its completely fine to be different than others. We are not factory products to match each other. Understand that if you are having a struggle fitting in, it's because people are not trying to fit you in, they are being unwelcoming to you. You wouldn't struggle to fit in with good folks because good folks are always welcoming whatever culture they come from, they don't make a person feel uncomfortable for being different, they are tolerant and respectful of those differences. 

Therefore being constantly shamed for being culturally different can either cause a culture shock in the extreme or mild long term PTSD and low self esteem. 

You'll have to build on your self esteem by constantly putting yourself forward and encouraging yourself. And embracing who you truly are. 

Just because you are Indian doesn't make you inferior like they make you feel, and being American doesn't make them superior. It's all bs and bullying. 

Be proud of who you are no matter where you come from, only then you get real confidence and once you get real and true confidence you can make it work for you. 

Truly confident don't care what people think and find their own way in life and don't care if people criticize their choices. They live life on their own terms. But this needs lot of sheer confidence because at every corner there are people ready to put you down at the drop of a hat. So high self worth and confidence is the key. 

Stand up to anyone trying to insult you and give them back twice.. Being humble is one thing but allowing others to shit on you is not humility but weakness. 

At present don't think too much about American or Indian identity. Just be yourself and have your own set of preferences and priorities devoid of cultural pressure. Just think for a moment that you are just a human being before you can call yourself American or Indian. 

Prepare your goals and vision for the future. As you go along, you will keep rediscovering yourself and growing and upgrading yourself and finding your own unique individuality that you will come to embrace in the end.. 

Best wishes. 

 

 

[Mongu9719]

@Preety_India well I guess the sad part is that am American in the sense that I was born and grew up there, yet I often got treated differently anyway. I am now starting to learn more about India and it’s culture which I wasn’t exposed to that much when I was younger. I guess none of it matters in the end since the world is becoming more global, but at the time of me growing up in the 2000s people were a lot less tolerant which has left a scar on me to say the least. I guess my work now is to integrate these identities and then eventually realise myself to be God and that all the identities are false. 

[Derek White]

@Mongu9719 I’m an Indian immigrant in Canada so I can understand what you go through.

I would just say be yourself, don’t identify too much with any culture. You said you are born in America, so you are American. Having Indian parents doesn’t make you any less American. And just like... learn to be alone and learn to not let other’s comments hurt you. A lot of it is also in our head. Many times people are not actually being racist, we just misinterpreted their actions. There’s nothing wrong with being Indian, India has a glorious history. I mean, now a days society is so accepting, and encouraging of minorities, there is so much political correctness and representation, there is no excuse to be feeling like victim.

Regarding your parents, ya Indian parents can be strict and conservative. But they have redeeming qualities too like they make you disciplined, help you with money, encourage you etc. I always thought of them as an advantage. There are both pros and cons.

If you just work on yourself your parents will trust you to make your own decisions. Show them that you’re mature, can handle your own shit, earn money, get good grades, and live independently and they will leave you alone. Also maintain a mental distance from them so they get use to you being distant.

Lastly, just don’t identify with any culture. I see that many second generation Indians are more Indian than Indian! because they feel the need to belong and a sense of meaning. That can be very toxic. Both cultures have problems and Indian culture has more problems. Just be without a culture and take good stuff from both cultures.

[Mongu9719]

@Derek White ultimately all culture is relative, yet our psyche is deeply embedded with the culture that you grew up in. It’s a very difficult task to pull yourself out of it.

Edited February 25, 2020 by Mongu9719

[Preety_India]

20 minutes ago, Mongu9719 said:

@Preety_India well I guess the sad part is that am American in the sense that I was born and grew up there, yet I often got treated differently anyway. I am now starting to learn more about India and it’s culture which I wasn’t exposed to that much when I was younger. I guess none of it matters in the end since the world is becoming more global, but at the time of me growing up in the 2000s people were a lot less tolerant which has left a scar on me to say the least. I guess my work now is to integrate these identities and then eventually realise myself to be God and that all the identities are false. 

That's very difficult. You can't be truly free of your identity even if you wanted. You can simply call yourself a global citizen 

But there is a problem. If someone calls you an Indian, you're again reminded of your Indian identity. It's tough that way. Because you have to dissociate yourself from people's judgement. 

But people don't allow that. People like to categorize so it's bound to make you feel isolated or different. 

People are ignorant if they have to shame you for being different. You just have to let them go, forgive their ignorance and ignore them.