Living with my EX HELP !!

[Chumbimba]

I’ve been living with my Ex’s family for almost three months now and I am really suffering. I am starting to my ex more than I ever have. She is super childish, closed minded and immature. She is super sheltered and doesn’t understand the concept of life being hard because she has had EVERYTHING handed to her. Her dad makes her lunch for Christ sake !!!  She is also seeing someone I know and it is all in my face with it. I feel like a cuckold 
 

I take full responsibility for putting myself in this predicament and I am fully responsible for getting out of it. 
 

I feel like I am in prison. I have a good paying job but I have some debt I have to pay off before getting an apartment. My mom wants me to move back to California with her but my relationship with her is worst. And she wants $800 a month for rent. I am going insane and don’t know what to do. If I move to California I have to find a new job and everything. I owe my school $15,000 so I can’t go back.

 

 

[Average Investor]

You could try to find some roommates. There is also housing programs out there that might be able to help, but you will have to really look into them. If you have any documented disabilities etc it would be much easier to find a program to help. 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Sorry to hear this, really empathize with your situation. If I were you, since you have a good paying job you say, go start looking hard on Craigslist or other housing apps to see if you can rent a room. Maybe see if your co workers know any place that may be available. It may seem bleak at first but good things happen when you keep looking.

[Preety_India]

With the competitive US market, getting or switching the job is a bit tough. So won't recommend you to quit your job. Do what you are already doing. 

Leave that place of your ex because it's an unhealthy influence and save some money and look for a shared rent place. Ask your friends. They could even let you stay for free with them for a month or something. 

Place an ad for roommates on Craigslist and share the rent you're going to have to pay at the new house. 

Don't go to your mom. She is charging a lot. 

California is not a good place either, at least for jobs and stuff. Lots of problems there. 

So my advice will be to stick to what you are doing. 

Also look for career or housing programs in your local area so that you can enroll for them. I'm sure there are lots. Programs that help people get on track for housing and career. 

Do a part time job on Sundays to save some extra money. This is all better than forever relying on someone. 

I hope you get rid of the student debt. The whole student debt thing is reckless and pointless and is eating America. 

[Roy]

Sorry about your situation, but I'm glad you have the mindset to take responsibility. That's the massive first step so congrats! Now let's look at what you can do to change it;

- SAVE HARDCORE This is your main priority. Having a good job is awesome, keep that job and take advantage of every little benefit and bonus you can get out of it. Really pay attention to exactly how you spend your money. Once every 2 weeks when you get paid, review your spending habits so you know what to cut out. It only takes 10-15 minutes to look at it and contemplate what you don't need. I tell you from personal experience, you won't realize how much money you're wasting on stupid shit until you see it in raw numbers. This is a free and legit website that will track everything once you plug your accounts in, really simple to set up and use https://www.mint.com/

Once you start to save a few thousand dollars, you'll feel empowered and less stressed having that safety net, and you'll be able to create some freedom for yourself in the future without being limited by money.

- Make it a daily goal to grab a tea or coffee, sit down, and browse for 20-30 minutes for reasonable places to rent and room with people. Just getting out of that house is going to raise your baseline happiness and kill a LOT of stress. It might take a lot of searching to find a good place but it will be worth all that time looking.

- Evaluate your debt and come up with a plan. Go to https://old.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/ and post exactly what your situation is anonymously, people are really helpful there.  How much exactly do you have to pay? How long do you have to pay it off? Is it worth it to save money now to get your own place and just do minimum payments for a while? Learn about your debt and ask these questions.

The sooner you get on this the more your future self will thank you! Acting on it will get rid of your negative thoughts about your debt.

- Don't move back with your mom. That just sounds unwise financially and stressful as hell.

- If your spare time is being spent around her and her toxic family, consider taking on a part-time job or volunteering on your days off for some hours here and there. You'll make extra money, feel fulfilled, and probably most importantly you're away from them!

 

 

It might take 3-6 months until you make some real bank and find a good place, but it will be worth the effort. So make the best of your current situation and take advantage of everything you can. You deserve the best - Roy

Edited February 24, 2020 by Roy

[Applegarden]

@Roy Thanks Roy for the website.  Edit: this is just for US and CAN.

 

Edited February 24, 2020 by Applegarden

[shokoman]

On 2/23/2020 at 11:15 PM, Average Investor said:

You could try to find some roommates. There is also housing programs out there that might be able to help, but you will have to really look into them. If you have any documented disabilities etc it would be much easier to find a program to help. 

I think, it is a good way for you

[Nahm]

@Chumbimba Rent a room. Share an apartment with someone. Defer and or minimize you school payment. Whatever you do, take your mind away from these thoughts about others which do not feel good to you. Focus on thoughts that do feel good to you. This ‘situation’ transcends all ‘situation’. Simply a matter of if & when you choose to see this...and feeling great regardless of situations. Much love, not saying it doesn’t come without some delightful purification.