Super Dark Mushroom Trip

[AdamDiC]

So last night at around 7pm I did my highest dose of mushrooms yet, 3.5 grams. It was a lot and i kind of knew what i was getting into, but another part of me felt wreckless and i did it anyway despite my strong intuition not to. In the name of science i told myself. 

The trip was just dark, i felt like i was just swimming through my unconsciousness. It really became aware to me that I may be really ignorant about reality and I'm just lying to myself with a bunch of beliefs. The amount of suffering that took place during this trip was unbearable. I think it directly correlates to my mind lol. Like ive been following actualized for the past 3 years and have been trying to self-actualize, but all i was aware of during the trip was my own shortcomings and ignorance.

My life seemed to be spiralling out of control, suicidal thoughts and emotions, uncontrollable body movements, pretty grimey experiences. Stayed up till 4am and got like 2 hours of sleep.

I watched "The dangers of doing spiritual work" last night and leo made some good points. Some people just arent ready for awakening. I know i am, but the shit that happened to me last night, it's pretty obvious that how im pursuing spirituality does not lead me to living a balanced life. I feel like i really just want to be normal again. fuck. I still love spirituality and I know i have the seed for enlightenment. But i just cant commit to something that needs %100 of my attention. Because im a fucking scheming weasel and i fall into every trap there is. Belief systems, projection, judgement etc. Awakening deserves my complete attention.

It feels like right now im doing spirituality to avoid the suffering of the world and in a very rushed, fearful manner which forces my introspection into a very survival oriented way. Basically im attached to results instead of being open and grounded. What i really need to pursue spirituality. Is my own place to live, a chill job that i like, and satisfied ego, and time to sit down and think, out of my own desire and pain stakingly deconstruct my whole reality for the truth. I just turned 20. 

Also, i noticed that i have incredibly high standards for my self whcih creates immense suffering. I feel like i should know everything and have and powerful life purpose. But what the trip showed me is that maybe it's ok to be normal for a while. I just want to like my life again instead of trying to destroy it. I really dont like my spiritual ego, it pushes me away from people and i feel wierd at parties lol. 

These are just a bunch of my thoughts.  i feel alright now, like im kinda used to this stuff now, which is nice. But moving forward still seems pretty hazy. or not.

[Nahm]

@AdamDiC Great report, solid insights. Also, never take 3.0-3.9 imo. Trip prior to or beyond the chaos, rather than aiming to bath in it. 

[Arzack]

Pretty spot on report, spirituality is not the easy answer spiritual teachings make it seem to be. It's hard core stuff, but life is hard core anyway, people think wars and intense suffering are just a thing of the past or for the unfortunate minorities, but wait till you read what happens to you after you'll die: https://www.reddit.com/r/speedruntonirvana/wiki/phase3

[Gnosis]

26 minutes ago, Arzack said:

Pretty spot on report, spirituality is not the easy answer spiritual teachings make it seem to be. It's hard core stuff, but life is hard core anyway, people think wars and intense suffering are just a thing of the past or for the unfortunate minorities, but wait till you read what happens to you after you'll die: https://www.reddit.com/r/speedruntonirvana/wiki/phase3

The group of articles you're sourcing that I've seen floating around the forums multiple times I've never read until now.

All the articles are poorly written and "phase 3" is infuriatingly misleading.

Simply put, an out-of-body experience or even multiple out-of-body experiences will not make you Enlightened.

The game of chasing an ever-more grand mystical experience is a never-ending endeavor; all the more when you involve psychedelics.

'Intense suffering' doesn't do you any good unless you already recognize the Truth.

@Arzack Either way, this isn't addressed at you. So please don't take this personally.

Just want to put it out here that if anyone's confused reading that article, quite frankly, just move on. 

[Arzack]

10 minutes ago, Gnosis said:

Simply put, an out-of-body experience or even multiple out-of-body experiences will not make you Enlightened.

The game of chasing an ever-more grand mystical experience is a never-ending endeavor

So you're saying permanent nirvana/actualization isn't a thing?

Ok, I guess Buddha and company were/are just impostor then.

Edited February 23, 2020 by Arzack

[Gnosis]

@Arzack That is not what I am saying at all. Please read between the lines. 

[Leo Gura]

It happens. Stay calm and carry on.