Blood Thirst And Wanting To Crush Competitors

[JevinR]

Hi guys, I am thinking of milking the scholarship system for everything it's worth. I am planning to self-study calculus and the courses needed in my bachelors program (Which I am not entirely sure is the right program for me). It is some sort of specialized course from a local polytechnic school, a fuse of physics and tech to work in labs and industries. Anyways, it does have a business course with it that I would like to study maniacally from, I am thinking of letting the monkey loose as I get my rocks off from crushing my competitors, narcissistic desires to be the best rather wanting to help humanity. Something that I need some deep-deep work on. Any tips? As I feel like a crazed animal making schemes like a chimp. Of course I want to be paid well, not that their is anything wrong with self-growth but this is more of a monkey mind thing but it feels oh soo good at the time, this being a very, very strong drive. I want mastery, If it works it works right? No need to re-invent the wheel, something is telling me there may be an alternative, any thoughts? A very strong neourosis

Edited June 20, 2016 by JevinR

[Mal]

@JevinR 

I don't see anything wrong with your feelings. It looks to me as if you are letting things come to the surface.  The labels of neurosis and "monkey mind" hmmm not too helpful. Ditch the nonsense you learned from Leo about how HE chooses to label parts of his being and concentrate on just letting your emotions process and do what they need to do.

We live in a society that hates egotism, but this isn't a "reasoned" attitude towards egoic feelings, it's just a conditioned reaction to having internalised some nonsense about being "social".  The ego in you is a very important part to recognise and integrate because if you don't integrate you just end up enacting it without knowing it.

Let me ask you this: What is underneath your feelings to crush your competitors? You will find something there if you dig for it.  Your current "ex" pression now is part of a "re" pression of related feelings. 

I'll give you a hint.  What is the opposite of grandiosity?

Mal

Edited June 22, 2016 by Mal

[JevinR]

@Mal Humility

[DizIzMikey]

@JevinR lmao I can relate... I feel like destroying others sometimes too

It's a bad addiction 

I recommend a shit load of meditation 

But..hey... whatever floats the boat ?

I actually try to refrain from letting my inner dick out... I could potentially piss off many people and outsmart them and they wouldn't like that.

Of course..that's when I put my mind to it

I guess.. when you search for the light the shadow likes to play more and distract you.

People only care when you are becoming someone and want to butt in because let's face it... everyone I'm assuming has a shadow.

Had to respond.. I can so relate to what you wrote lol 

 

[Mal]

@JevinR

You think you are repressing humility and that's causing the symptom of grandiosity to express itself?

[DizIzMikey]

@Mal or its the other way around for him perhaps 

[Mal]

3 minutes ago, DizIzMikey said:

@Mal or its the other way around for him perhaps 

Yes. That happens a lot! People who try to be humble could be holding down the feelings of rage. This is why I said "it's coming to the surface".  But rage is not natural either, there is something underlying even that.  This is why refer to process like peeling layers of an onion. 

[DizIzMikey]

@Mal tyou

Heart you