Higher consciousness through art creation

[Brydon Hill]

Hi All, glad to be accepted here.

I am 26, and have spent the past 6 years on what feels like one long psychedelic trip. Does anyone else feel that way about their early 20s? Fwiw i do smoke alot of cannabis. 

From 20 to 25 i felt an intense need to create sound that expressed feelings that i could not properly identify.

I painstakingly made a concept "sound story" called "With a Futureproof Hunchback" that i hoped would help. 

It did at first, but now i feel ive opened up a whole new world of "creation anxiety"

I now feel as though WaFPHB was chapter one. And the way it came out of me was very lonely and painful, but necessary. Making chapter 2 scares me alot, but it feels enevitable. Like holding back vomit after a night of heavy drinking. Does anyone else feel this way about art creation?

If anyone is interested in WaFPHB it is posted at https://linktr.ee/brydon_hill . 

You dont need to listen to it to reply, but if you do it is best related to as a 27 minute "high" headphone meditation. But you do you of course.

This post is mostly to hear from other artists who feel controlled by a muse, emotion, deity, etc. And feel a bit mentally sick because of it.

Awakening to reality has me feeling angry. I was happy before this all happened. HAH

Any non trolls who want to say something feel welcome!

Cheers

Brydon

[okulele]

Hi, first thought that comes to mind is - you need some grounding. The 'muse, emotion, deity' you are describing sounds tough... and unneccecary.

I remember Leo (maybe in his art episode) talking about artists often being unstable and so on an this being a complete silliness. Right on, you don't need to buy into the thought of the raging/crazied artist, that is so often seen all around.

Maybe watch out for the agression and consider bringing in some kindness around the creative act? It feels better.

Well, whatever happens, good luck

[Nahm]

@okulele Welcome. 

18 hours ago, Brydon Hill said:

ive opened up a whole new world of "creation anxiety"

It’s just self referential thinking. Note the difference between the feeling - creating...and the thought about one’s self as a creator, in terms of overthinking and “creating” a self image. The great news is you can’t not be a creator. The “catch” is, you can’t believe you are the (human) creator. Or, more simply, create like a kid whom ‘what other people think of me as a creator’ never occurs. 

“Like holding back vomit after a night of heavy drinking”

The thought is judgmental of a “musician”. 

The feeling is saying “no! You’re the whole gig!”. 

[Brydon Hill]

Thanks for the replies!

I often think its me being neurotic for sure. The romantic image of the crazy artist is fun to act out sometimes.

 I think the amount of choice that technology brings to music production adds to the angst as well. The digital computer preset can do things that some folks spent their whole careers perfecting in analog. 

Which is cool, but in using that preset, lets say for example the sound of a kick drum. I might like the sound, but the ease of obtaining that sound (1 click) gretatly reduces its value in my mind.

So instead, maybe i spend days on a kick drum sound. It won't sound as professional as the *1 click kick drum* But because i put so much effort and imagination into its creation its heavy in perceived value for me.

...

I am now trying to find it "funny" instead of "aggravating" that I must put myself through objectively categorizing something subjective like sounds. I once read that Frank Zappa used to joke about "the perfect note" to play. It was the only note that could be played.

Theres a slow-burn-long-term satisfaction when something finally comes together though. Interesting to put so much effort into something, and upload it onto the streaming cloud. Even though its lost in the sea, it'll be there forever.