[ecourse/youtube channel/website] The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Anna Runkle (9/10)

[Amandine]

I love the Crappy Childhood Fairy, aka Anna Runkle (obviously it's the childhood that's crappy, not the fairy).

She is all about healing Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). 

Apart from her Youtube channel which includes about 80 short videos, she also has an online course (very reasonable priced imo) dealing with Healing Childhood PTSD, Dating & Relationships, Dysregulation Bootcamp.

She  covers:

*Healing PTSD & PTSD Signs and Symptoms, 

*The ACE Study & Getting Your ACE Score (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

*Taking Stock of Past Trauma, Trauma and PTSD, Treatments for Trauma

*How to Write Your Fears and Resentments

*The Underlying Problem (Dysregulation of the Brain & Nervous System): Signs and Symptoms of Dysregulation, Dysregulated Emotions, Impulses and Behaviors (The Impulse to Escape/The Impulse to Cling/The Impulse to Control)

*Learning to Re-Regulate (The Key to Recovery), How to Meditate Twice a Day the Super Simple Way, How to Set Intentions, NOT Talking About trauma, Dialing Down Emotions, Connection and Loneliness, Stressful People and Situations, The Gifts of Re-Regulation, Using a Journal To Track Dysregulation

*Changing Self-Defeating Behaviors, The Ways We Re-Traumatize Ourselves, Identify Self-Defeating Behaviors, Three Pillars of Change: Principles, Readiness, Accountability
 

She also has a website, which includes a blog, Free Tools, individual and group coaching sessions, a quiz "Is PTSD From Childhood Affecting You now?" https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/cptsd-quiz

In the "Resources" section as well as links to other valuable resources, you will find her 2 favorite books ("The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk and  "Complex PTSD" by Pete Walker) : https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/resources/

 

She strongly advocates a "Daily Practice" which involves a technique of writing your fears and resentments followed by meditation twice a day.

 

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These are some notes I made from some random videos of hers:

>If You Had Just ONE YEAR to HEAL (Here's What I'd Do) Dec 31, 2019
* I'd learn the science of complex PTSD and childhood PTSD, take the ACE survey, I'd get my ACE score and I'd read "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk and I'd read "Complex PTSD" by Pete Walker. There are lots and lots of other books out there but that's where I'd start. 

*I'd learn to notice the brain dysregulation that is such a foundational symptom of childhood PTSD and I do this with my daily practice of writing fears and resentments followed by meditation twice a day. I'd be religious about this and really do it thoroughly twice a day and not quit. 

* I'd quickly get out of all the unhealthy dead-end one-sided relationships, stop spending any money at all on therapy, exercise every day, I'd stop all the negative stuff in my life starting with my own trash talking of other people, I would instantly challenge myself on all my negative beliefs that require black-and-white thinking, "this group's good, this group's bad or this person is perfect but this one's evil" and I'd completely embrace the understanding I have now that everything is complicated and we're all working out a way to do the best we can. I'd quit being so judgmental, I'd quit telling people how they should change, I'd stop putting myself down

>Are You RE-Traumatizing Yourself? 16 Self-Defeating Behaviors Common with Childhood PTSD Apr 15, 2019
Self-defeating behaviors make healing more difficult, the goal is to notice them and see which of them you may have inside yourself and decide if it's something you want to start working on:

*black-and-white thinking

*neglect of your body (for reasons bigger than the limits of your income, you're wearing shabby clothes or you have poor hygiene)

*addictive use of food (or addictive use of the Internet, media, entertainment)

*dishonesty, things like exaggerating, hiding important personal truths or preferences, lying, stealing, cheating, tax evasion or any kind of illegal activity

*blame, and this includes having a hard time seeing our own role in problems, victim-thinking, bitterness, casually saying things about other people that hurt their reputation, believing that all your problems are because of racism, sexism, foreigners, etc

*numbing with substances like alcohol or drugs, and I know I hardly need to define this or explain why it can undermine your healing

*irritability, getting angry sometimes for no reason, getting into arguments and ranting online

*attraction to troubled partners and friends, people with high levels of drama and more conflict

*total avoidance of people, this is really common too. An avoidance of people, responsibilities, and participation and sometimes this is called social sexual or emotional anorexia. It's a common position we find ourselves in when relationships with people have proven painful too many times in a row, and in the old days we called this being a shut-in or a hermit

*habit of repeating traumatic patterns, we can have a seeming inability to detect trouble or step back when trouble appears in the form of sick people or dangerous situations. And so we relapse into a traumatized state which then triggers depression, rage, collapse, and a reversion to old behaviors.  

>How to Apologize Beautifully Nov 30, 2017
1. It's always really good if you can run what you did by a second person for a second opinion because you know we actually run the risk of sort of just blaming ourselves too much for things and then not enough for things 

2. Just reflect on it just think through what happened? What did you do? Write down your fears and resentments about the situation, and then just kind of pray and meditate on having it removed, having the fear and resentment removed and this can kind of help clear it. A lot of times our hurtful behavior is coming out of you know just like a tangle of fear and it's not totally conscious. When the fear is gone it's a lot easier to see clearly what was happening, and this is all not part of the apology yet, you're still just preparing for the apology to get clear about what you did. 

3. Write down what your part in it was, it's really helpful to write it down just so that you can like logically think through so I actually write it in columns I put the person's name and I write down what I did, and kind of detail it "I told our mutual friends that our friend used to shoplift but that was a secret and I promised I would never tell anybody". Then in a next column you write down, how would you feel if somebody had done that to you? Then write down how do you intend to go forward from now on? Can you be different? and I mean be sincere about this don't be unrealistic but do you think, if we use this situation as an example, do you think that you could stop trashing people behind their back? Yes? Now you're almost prepared. 

4. So now it's time to contact that person and ask if you can have a talk, that you wanted to talk to them about something that you did and that you feel bad about. I really recommend that when you apologize to somebody you make it as direct as possible. Don't send a text when you could do it on the phone, don't do it on the phone when you could do it in person, as direct as possible will give you the best chances of a good clean, thorough apology that mends hearts.

 

5. So now that you're with the person you tell them what you did, and you tell it to them totally clean without any excuses like "I was under a lot of stress I was tired" no excuses. No bringing in their part in it "You know you were saying all this stuff about me too" you don't bring that in, you just say, I said this stuff that I promised to keep secret and I broke my promise to you. Then you go ahead  and tell them how you would feel if that were done to you. Now you've done your homework on this, you go well I would feel angry I'd feel betrayed I'd feel worried what everybody thinks. But it's really important to say that you understand how it feels to have that done, that's the part where you know you really want people to get it when they're apologizing to you, and then you tell them I am sorry. You let them know how you intend to change your behavior in the future. "I intend to never talk behind your back again or to share secrets that I promised to keep secret." And then ask them to forgive you, please forgive me. Now here's the hardest part sometimes, you totally let go of what happens then. You just honestly give your apology and sometimes people will hug you and say it's okay or sometimes they'll say I have no idea what you're talking about I didn't even know and sometimes they'll just get really angry at you and it will be worse. Now the odds of them getting angry go down when you make a good clean apology that doesn't have any sort of blame or excuses in it and that demonstrates that you get it what you did. But sometimes it just doesn't go that well, and you can let go of that because ultimately you're making the apology for yourself for your own peace of mind and to be able to hold your head up and know that yeah you made a mistake, but you cleaned up your mess afterwards. And then hopefully your relationship can recover from that. It's beautiful making an apology because it does help face reality about the consequences of you know when we break promises or when we act in ways that are not consistent with the love and friendship that we feel other people. 
 

  

Edited February 22, 2020 by Amandine