WHO is asking the questions?!?

[billiesimon]

Today I did my usual meditation practice, but increased it to 40 minutes (and will remain 40 for some time I believe), and then... after some hours, I was laying in bed and I started thinking about Consciousness and the fact that I still can't grasp the Silent Watcher (as Eckhart calls it), the Awareness behind our eyes that is always present. I thought "Where is this Consciousness in me?".

And then it happened. I gasped in shock. ""WHO is asking this question?!?!" 
Who is asking that question? 
My ego? Or my Consciousness?

I literally don't understand, I'm puzzled.

I can feel that there's something weird happening in my mind, but I can't tell if all this "self inquiry" questioning is the voice of my ego or my consciousness. I feel somehow torn between two views of myself.

Someone can help?

[Lento]

Keep tracking one of them, and you will reach the other. It will go full-circle. The ego is consciousness. The distinction between the two is of your own creation.

[purerogue]

maybe question is asking question. 

[Nahm]

@billiesimon

We experience one thought at a time. 

A thought is like a book. A thought is a thought. A book is a book. 

Also...you can open it up, start looking into it, even get very immersed in it.

It is, nonetheless, just a book.

Examples of thoughts; ego, consciousness, me, who, my, I’m, etc. 

You are aware of those thoughts. Only one at a time though.

[billiesimon]

10 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Also...you can open it up, start looking into it, even get very immersed in it.

Like identifying with it, I guess.

It's hard to grasp this "feeling" because I am becoming more aware of the fact that I'm aware, but the sense of "I" is becoming now torn between the self image of billiesimon, and the awareness behind his actions. Today I've done several things in a state of "Am I just inside a random body? what the hell is happening? And why do I have a voice?".

This madness is very weird, I was a lot more stable when I just believed I was this random guy with some random problems. Now it's becoming blurry.

[Nahm]

@billiesimon Yeah. It’s good though. A new to you stretch of path perhaps, but it’s very much on the path. This is ‘the ox’ sighting, if you will. Noticing how the mind (ox) “get’s away from us” so to speak, how sneaky the believing of thoughts is. It’s a great and pivotal place to be. If you believe thoughts which do not feel good, inspect that. Be very careful painting any picture about how a thought should or shouldn’t feel, according to thought / thinking. That would be believing the thought, and judging the feeling as “not good”. Listen to the feeling instead, and consider every thought ‘suspect’ with regards to truth, and inspect each thought. Eventually, you don’t experience ‘not good feeling’ thoughts, including the memory of. Again, be careful about painting a color on it, that’s how sneaky the believing of a thought is. If you notice a perspective of ‘this sucks’ arising...notice our one at a time thought arises effortlessly, and feeling is effortless. So the thought / feeling “work”, is actually the “practice”, directly, of effortlessness. (No effort, is a, ‘no practice’). Don’t fall for the “it sucks” thought, feel the feeling. Labeling it, and using the emotional scale can be very helpful. 

Also, be really careful putting need....or...want....before the word, understand, or existential understanding. 

Notice the feeling of need & want.

“I want x”.  “I” is prior to the want, prior to the knowing of the wanting, and that which is wanted. Feels anywhere from content to exuberant / elated.

”I need x”. What is ‘needed’, is prior to “I”. There’s an implication “I” am short something, or lacking. Feels anywhere from boredom to hate.

Add daily morning meditation and venturing to some healing modalities to that, and you’ll have a much smoother ride.

[remember]

the ego and the voice are different and they are not - although where is this sense of i coming from. realize who is watching the i and who is watching the voice without labeling it yet. if you do meditation go deeper into dependent arising. they are both intertwined - if you go deeper you will even find more senses and thought stories you can be aware of. there might be a point where you reach silence.

Edited February 21, 2020 by remember

[billiesimon]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@billiesimon Yeah. It’s good though. A new to you stretch of path perhaps, but it’s very much on the path. This is ‘the ox’ sighting, if you will. Noticing how the mind (ox) “get’s away from us” so to speak, how sneaky the believing of thoughts is. It’s a great and pivotal place to be. If you believe thoughts which do not feel good, inspect that. Be very careful painting any picture about how a thought should or shouldn’t feel, according to thought / thinking. That would be believing the thought, and judging the feeling as “not good”. Listen to the feeling instead, and consider every thought ‘suspect’ with regards to truth, and inspect each thought. Eventually, you don’t experience ‘not good feeling’ thoughts, including the memory of. Again, be careful about painting a color on it, that’s how sneaky the believing of a thought is. If you notice a perspective of ‘this sucks’ arising...notice our one at a time thought arises effortlessly, and feeling is effortless. So the thought / feeling “work”, is actually the “practice”, directly, of effortlessness. (No effort, is a, ‘no practice’). Don’t fall for the “it sucks” thought, feel the feeling. Labeling it, and using the emotional scale can be very helpful. 

Also, be really careful putting need....or...want....before the word, understand, or existential understanding. 

Notice the feeling of need & want.

“I want x”.  “I” is prior to the want, prior to the knowing of the wanting, and that which is wanted. Feels anywhere from content to exuberant / elated.

”I need x”. What is ‘needed’, is prior to “I”. There’s an implication “I” am short something, or lacking. Feels anywhere from boredom to hate.

Add daily morning meditation and venturing to some healing modalities to that, and you’ll have a much smoother ride.

Amazing response 

But should I just passively accept the present moment or follow my bliss? When it comes to being present I mean.

I don't understand this paradox between accepting everything and following the path of your highest vibrations.

[Leo Gura]

@billiesimon When you look inside yourself, you find Nothing. That's what you are. The mistake is expecting to find something which has any kind of quality.

It will have no qualities whatsoever.

[Nahm]

@billiesimon You can’t actually not be present. 

7 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

 

[mandyjw]

12 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

Amazing response 

But should I just passively accept the present moment or follow my bliss? When it comes to being present I mean.

I don't understand this paradox between accepting everything and following the path of your highest vibrations.

Does it blow your mind that you can do both?    Exactly. 

[Guru Fat Bastard]

4 hours ago, billiesimon said:

"Where is this Consciousness in me?".

Reverse the question.
"Where is me in this Conciousness?"
 

Edited February 21, 2020 by Guru Fat Bastard

[billiesimon]

43 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@billiesimon When you look inside yourself, you find Nothing. That's what you are. The mistake is expecting to find something which has any kind of quality.

It will have no qualities whatsoever.

It's so weird, man... I mean... I think my former psychedelic experiences have unlocked something in my sober awareness (this event happened in my normal life after a normal meditation).

I am millions of miles FAR AWAY from enlightenment, but.... I can actually somehow remotely feel that there's someone watching all of this "billiesimon" experience from behind "me". And with "me" I mean my concept of self image. 

It's really weird and somehow disturbing, because I feel like my usual everyday identity is becoming some kind of show being watched by this Observer.

But again... it's just a glimpse of a shadow of this Consciousness... I can't even see it directly. 

It's there. I can only feel this. It freaks me out.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, billiesimon said:

being watched by this Observer.

There is no observer.

What "you" "feel" there is ego clinging for survival.

Self is imaginary.

Look at a rock. Does it have a self? No. Neither does a body.

Who is observing the rock? No one. A rock just is. Same goes for the body.

[VeganAwake]

Yeah there's no secret Vision you need to obtain or anything like that...

It is simply energy looking at itself but believing it is a separate 'ME' character... apparently this Infinite energy has created a story about itself and it takes itself very seriously, in fact it thinks it's the most important 'ME' that ever existed...? but this game is known All Too Well by no one...

[cetus]

There is no such thing as the experience of reality  -Nisargadatta

[ajasatya]

7 hours ago, billiesimon said:

I literally don't understand, I'm puzzled.

How come questions arise in the first place?

[VeganAwake]

The Atman is the energy itself...

We are touching the same elephant my friend..❤

[ZenBlue]

Who am I? We are on a journey of self exploration.

What is consciousness? No one really knows. Everyone just wants to say they know, but they don't really know. The mystery will be infinite. God will forever be exploring itself infinitely. Because God is absolute infinity. There is no end and nothing will ever be fully known.

[VeganAwake]

No...

THIS is all there is... 

There is no self, that's the illusion..

The you is the illusion..

All there is is THIS