Should I cut all ties with my mom?

[DreamScape]

My mother and I have had a pretty rough relationship. 

We never really got along. For almost the longest I can remember, I didn't want to be with her. She is emotionally abusive, manipulative and just overall a very toxic person to be around. I stopped seeing her when I was a little over 16 years old. I turn 18 tomorrow. So now I can legally be away from her for good. I was just about to block her. I really want to. I don't see the relationship going anywhere for a while. Although something stopped me, which was second guesses. What if I decide I want to talk to her later on down the line? What if she wants to say happy bday to me tomorrow? This is me longing for the love, in which I was originally closed off but due to spiritual work am now more open to love. 

idk y'all. This is harder than I thought. What would be an appropriate response to this situation?

[Average Investor]

I did not talk to my dad for about 5 years. It's been a year since we talked then though. I think maybe he has changed a bit now, but really hard to say. 

I found it helpful to try to view things through the other persons lens. A lot of the time whatever they are doing is because of something that had happened to them. She probably was trying to give you love, but was unaware of how to do that. 

I realized the other day that I do not treat my dog well enough. I had a small fit of rage at it, which usually never happens. I became more aware of the feelings of this anger that had came over me. Later when I thought about it I realized what had come over my father, when he had physically abused me. I felt as if just that moment had made me forgive him. I love that dog a lot, but it is hard to get it to act the way I want. I never really looked at it though the view of the dog. It likely had ignored my command just out of excitement to see something else.  Now that is not to say if I decide to talk to him and he is still the way he was I am not going to bother. Your mom may or may not evolve. I would guess as she ages she will start to remove some of her older ways of thinking and acting. 

[DreamScape]

@Average Investor Yeah. My mom had a very very toxic childhood. Her dad abused her a bit and her mom was a drug addict who moved all the time (inability for her to find friends) and did a whole bunch of whacky shit. I've thought about it a lot honestly, I know right now it would hurt my emotional health to even see her. I think to myself that maybe in a couple years, when I'm emotionally strong enough to handle anything that happens. I also have the kundalini flowing through my chakras so that makes me extra sensitive as of now. 

My mom did try her best though and I realize that. I can see how she put a LOT of effort into creating a nice space for us. She honestly worked pretty hard to create what she has now, which is a nice home and lots of nice food. She even moved us out of crappy areas so I could have nice schooling.

I have been forgiving her. I just don't know if it's healthy or worthwhile. It also hurts me to see how the family dynamic is and how they treat the baby they just had a few years ago. 

Good for you, you're doing great with where you've come. 

[Preety_India]

Move out of your home. Honestly you won't regret it. 

 

 

[Martin123]

@DreamScape Saying no to your mother's manipulation and immature communication with you is what will heal you and her, no matter how unpopular it is going to be with her ego. You might feel resistance to it, you might feel like you're being a 'bad child', but ultimately it is the right thing to do.

[Meetjoeblack]

7 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@DreamScape Saying no to your mother's manipulation and immature communication with you is what will heal you and her, no matter how unpopular it is going to be with her ego. You might feel resistance to it, you might feel like you're being a 'bad child', but ultimately it is the right thing to do.

+1

Agreed. Have boundaries. 

[DreamScape]

y'all are right. It is the right thing to do. 

[Martin123]

5 minutes ago, DreamScape said:

y'all are right. It is the right thing to do. 

Just fyi, I've had the same thing (or similar).
My mother, relied on me as her son for emotional support her entire life, wasn't able to stand up to father and I'd pay the price. Sorting this out was one of the most impactful decisions on my healing journey.
I had to go through the reality of what had happened to me, and that was that I never really had a mother, I had someone who in her highest consciousness the only thing she could do was to make me responsible for her, and for me in turn have no-one to rely on. When I shifted that, my entire life changed from scratch. It is quite incredible, and I assure you the pay off is way worth it.

[Average Investor]

@DreamScape It's not an easy task unfortunately. It can be really hard to come to terms with things like that. Take all the time you need to heal. But keep it as an option. You need to put your well being at the top of the list always though. 

[DreamScape]

@Average Investor @Martin123 Yeah, it is VERY hard. I blocked her by the way. She wouldn't leave me alone for a while and has for the past few months. 

Good job martin also for picking yourself up. 

@Average Investor Yes definitely. That's been my #1 for about a year now.

 

[Martin123]

@DreamScape thanks and good for you! I’m proud of you.

you’re going through a lot of things I’ve gone through on your ascension path. Makes me nostalgic and proud, and honestly pretty impressed by how gracefully you move through it. Well done.

[DreamScape]

@Martin123 Really appreciate your kind words ?

[Martin123]

@DreamScape It’s a pleasure  

[Average Investor]

@DreamScape Good for you. It can be hard to do. I have done the same with old friends and ex girlfriend now. It was a process, but totally worth it. 

[DreamScape]

@Average Investor It definitely is. It's like the atmosphere becomes cleaner and chains are severed from your wrists, when they're toxic relationships of course. 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, DreamScape said:

@Average Investor It definitely is. It's like the atmosphere becomes cleaner and chains are severed from your wrists, when they're toxic relationships of course. 

I have written extensively about toxic relationships in my journal from family to exes and friends, the list goes on and on, cutting them out feels like rebirth. 

Get toxic people out of your life, they suck your energy and your will to live. 

When you offload them, you are truly free and liberated. Then you can freely focus on your life goals. 

You don't owe anyone anything,especially not to a toxic person. Any idea otherwise is pure Gaslighting. 

I was gaslighted by my ex to stay in the relationship. He said that we were together even when I told him that we were done long ago. 

Energy vampires is what I call them. They're moochers. They mooch off your energy and bring you down with their negativity and pestilence. 

You're better off and you deserve joy, love, care and happiness. Gift yourself that every day and break the chains of emotionally toxic bondage. 

Happy Journey. 

 

[DreamScape]

@Preety_India Thanks! I'll take a look.

I've dealt with a lot of those. I was attracted to bad relationships so I know what that is. My mom actually gaslighted but I forgot the countless examples I found while researching and contemplating a while back.

Its soo tough to deal with because it's all in your head and it's hard to discern if it's actually happening or not. My mom was an expert at telling me lies and me believing them.

Ain't got no time for energy vampires. 

Happy journey to you too ???

[Ananta]

@DreamScape It's so hard! My mother was a neglectful, emotional, verbal abuser my whole life. Thankfully, my step mother raised me since I was 5 when I was taken away from my mother, but mommy dearest had visitation every weekend.

She was not only an alcoholic, but mentally ill and refused to take her medication, ever, so me and my sister suffered for it. I stopped communication with her several times, for years at a time, but she would somehow find a way back in my life. 

She died about two years ago. I have peace now.

[DreamScape]

@Anna1 I am so sorry to hear that! It definitely is. Glad you have your peace.

[Ananta]

2 minutes ago, DreamScape said:

@Anna1 I am so sorry to hear that! It definitely is. Glad you have your peace.

Thank you. If you need an ear you can PM me. I understand.