Has Anyone Here Overcome Social Anxiety?

[Rilles]

how did you do it? how long did it take?

[Rilles]

ive done massive shadow work, helped maybe 10%, more self-love/acceptance

some exposure therapy, about 5 30 mins sessions, helped to overcome some false beliefs

want to end SAD for good though, 15 years of this sh*t, tired

[ethanb121]

One day I realized fuck what everyone thinks ... your letting them hold you back that was enough for me to get rid of most of social anxiety and even if i am anxious I do what I want anyway and fuck the anxiety

[Javfly33]

I would say I´ve been able to slice it by half since the last -8 months. 

I think exposure and some other things can work well but honestly if you really really want to slice it to 0% you have to recognize you´ll need a massive work of self-question all of your beliefs and assumptions.

Also, realize that a lot comes from the ego. This can make sometimes the change more difficult, because a lot of people have victim mindsets. For example I realized that my judgement towards other people have contributed a lot to feeling anxious around other people. However when I first discovered this, it wasn´t easy to actually let it go because I have built an entire world-view of people being a certain way (by me judging them), If I´d remove the judgements, then a lot of my assumptions, and self-protection mechanisms would fall away.

I did it and now it´s getting better, but have in mind that even thought you want to stop having social anxiety, actually your ego doesn´t. There´s a lot of sneakery here. 

[Rilles]

6 hours ago, ethanb121 said:

One day I realized fuck what everyone thinks ... your letting them hold you back that was enough for me to get rid of most of social anxiety and even if i am anxious I do what I want anyway and fuck the anxiety

been trying that since 7th grade, doesnt work, sorry

5 hours ago, AwakenedSoul444 said:

@Rilles I'm here for you man, I also have social anxiety, I've been trying things with minimum luck/success . If you want to vent your feelings I'm always here.

thanks, will pm you tmr ??

 

2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I would say I´ve been able to slice it by half since the last -8 months. 

I think exposure and some other things can work well but honestly if you really really want to slice it to 0% you have to recognize you´ll need a massive work of self-question all of your beliefs and assumptions.

Also, realize that a lot comes from the ego. This can make sometimes the change more difficult, because a lot of people have victim mindsets. For example I realized that my judgement towards other people have contributed a lot to feeling anxious around other people. However when I first discovered this, it wasn´t easy to actually let it go because I have built an entire world-view of people being a certain way (by me judging them), If I´d remove the judgements, then a lot of my assumptions, and self-protection mechanisms would fall away.

I did it and now it´s getting better, but have in mind that even thought you want to stop having social anxiety, actually your ego doesn´t. There´s a lot of sneakery here. 

oh man, even half would be good... least there would be hope

but how does exposure help me when i get tounge tied, if i cant say a word then it doesnt matter how calm i am, i want to have a flow of conversation nomatter who i am with

yeah i realize i can be judgemental towards strangers (in my mind) working on that

my ego wants to be itself and also be itself at the same time?  accept your social anxiety and it will go away, but then im not who i want to be, hopeless isnt it

[BjarkeT]

I have had social anxiety for a while. it's still there a little but much better now than the past. What helped me the most was the be in more social situations and eventually the anxiety diminished little by little. The best way to overcome fear is to face it but what is most important is that you make the choice to face the fear/anxiety and if you do it, again and again, you should overcome it. Courage is the cure to fear however avoidance of fear only makes fear stronger. 

Edited February 20, 2020 by BjarkeT

[electroBeam]

Yes... I had severe social anxiety for 15 years, and took me 8 years to overcome it, but I have finally fucken done it, holy fuck what a challenge that was. 

I can't explain how ive done it in 1 post. I feel for people with social anxiety, pm me and I'll give you a call (just voice if you're too socially anxious for video).

[Rilles]

4 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Yes... I had severe social anxiety for 15 years, and took me 8 years to overcome it, but I have finally fucken done it, holy fuck what a challenge that was. 

so happy to hear that! congratulations! why did it take so long? 

I can't explain how ive done it in 1 post. I feel for people with social anxiety, pm me and I'll give you a call (just voice if you're too socially anxious for video).

ill pm you but can you give me a extremely brief explanation of how you did it, and what you did?

 

[Shiva99]

I had terrible social anxiety in the past, like 8/10. It was impossible for me to do something as simple as going to the grocery store. Right now my social anxiety is almost totally gone and on worst days 3/10. I chitchat with random strangers now etc.

Mindfulness and meditation is huge. Drastically cutting down on my porn usage was also huge ( for me at least). Getting out of my head was the solution to all of this. Trying to be aware of my thoughts constantly day in day out without identifying. Also confronting the fear head on, without resistance. So if i feared going out, i did it anyways. The fear didn't go away at first, but over time you get more secure in it and sooner or later it will become normal like breathing. 

Also at last, what is very important at the moment you confront the anxiety when going out in public, you need to be very aware of what is happening into your body. Try to watch the madness in your belly like an eagle, and don't judge it at all. Let it be there and allow it as much as possible. 

Edited February 20, 2020 by Shiva99

[Rilles]

5 hours ago, Shiva99 said:

I had terrible social anxiety in the past, like 8/10. It was impossible for me to do something as simple as going to the grocery store.

Thats a tad bit worse than mine... when it starts interfering with basic survival then you really need to fix it asap, glad you overcame 

Right now my social anxiety is almost totally gone and on worst days 3/10. I chitchat with random strangers now etc.

Mindfulness and meditation is huge. Drastically cutting down on my porn usage was also huge ( for me at least). Getting out of my head was the solution to all of this. Trying to be aware of my thoughts constantly day in day out without identifying. Also confronting the fear head on, without resistance. So if i feared going out, i did it anyways. The fear didn't go away at first, but over time you get more secure in it and sooner or later it will become normal like breathing. 

yep, breaking down beliefs and being aware of your self critic is so important

Also at last, what is very important at the moment you confront the anxiety when going out in public, you need to be very aware of what is happening into your body. Try to watch the madness in your belly like an eagle, and don't judge it at all. Let it be there and allow it as much as possible. 

i usually feel my fear in my arms or chest, i become frozen like steel in the worst situations, like a robot, i feel like ive overcome alot of beliefs and all i have to do now is expose myself and deal with the primal physical reactions... thats no easy task, its easy to sit and armchair about why youre afraid, facing your fear... thats a whole different ballgame

 

[Rilles]

im working on a fear hierarchy now

for those uninformed it is when you rank activities from least to worst fear

 

for example

 

being alone in your room - anxiety level 0...

talking on the phone to a good friend - anxiety level 5...

screaming and acting like a monkey alone in public - anxiety level 10...

 

...and then you work your way up the fear ladder... starting with the easiest until you get comfortable with that and then the next step and so on

Edited February 20, 2020 by Rilles

[Shiva99]

 

[Rilles]

16 minutes ago, AwakenedSoul444 said:

Probably only 1% of people with SA overcome it truly, it's a beast of a neurosis

how do you know?  

[Rilles]

14 minutes ago, AwakenedSoul444 said:

@Rilles Idk, maybe my depression is telling me this. But it seems like that to me, a year on medication and 5 months of group therapy and I made like 0.5% progress 

have you tried exposure therapy? shadow work is also huge, definitely made me less anxious although im not cured... duh 

[Rilles]

4 minutes ago, AwakenedSoul444 said:

@Rilles I've been trying to do it for years, I do like one exposure every week by habit, but I guess it's not big enough or regular enough to achieve anything

what kind of exposure? is it pushing you to your limit? you literally have to die with fear everytime you do it otherwise its not gonna work

first time i tried to say hi to someone on my own accord my heart was racing like crazy... did it though... 1 time 

Edited February 21, 2020 by Rilles

[Rilles]

6 minutes ago, Clint Eastwood said:

Do you think there will be a point at which you have 'overcome' social anxiety? Or could it be that there is no such point? Maybe you will be always anxious, but in different degrees. I think it's more like a scale. You are maybe stressed out a lot at this moment in social interactions, but you could work towards a more relaxed attitude. But there will still be stress in social situations and maybe that's okay. 

 

Of course not, but there is a point where I want to get to where it is manageable, getting frozen up and tounge-tied is not where I want to be, and my subconscious is giving me clues all the time that something needs to change. 

Analogy: I dont like flying sometimes because it makes me a bit claustrophobic especially on long flights, but it doesnt make me so anxious that I avoid it. Now imagine someone who kicks and screams everytime someone drags them on a flight, theres a huge difference isnt it? 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Used to have massive social anxiety. Through a years of personal development and working on being more authentic/less of a people pleaser/completely grounded in myself for happiness the anxiety disappears naturally and gradually.

Tons of other factors too like living a holistically healthy lifestyle with emphasis on exercise/sleep/nutrition. As a personal trainer I am working and interacting with new clients all the time teaching and coaching them. Being anxious about what people are thinking of you just starts to become silly.

Edited February 21, 2020 by TrynaBeTurquoise

[Javfly33]

On 19/2/2020 at 1:40 AM, Rilles said:

been trying that since 7th grade, doesnt work, sorry

thanks, will pm you tmr ??

 

oh man, even half would be good... least there would be hope

but how does exposure help me when i get tounge tied, if i cant say a word then it doesnt matter how calm i am, i want to have a flow of conversation nomatter who i am with

yeah i realize i can be judgemental towards strangers (in my mind) working on that

my ego wants to be itself and also be itself at the same time?  accept your social anxiety and it will go away, but then im not who i want to be, hopeless isnt it

@Rilles You literally can be who the fuck you want ("have a flow conversation") with anyone. You just haven't realized actually WHY you can't. 

What are you trying to protect when you are having those conversations when you get tongue tied?

Yourself? 

Yeah, that's going to have to die.

That will have to die so "you" is not anymore the "social anxiety you".

Don't worry thought, in the process of dying all that makes "you" the social anxious person, you'll realize nobody of "that" was you. Because you would be the same as you are now (complete already).

So don't worry! Start the "dying" process of that thing you keep yourself identified with.

Die 1% at a time.

Trying to get very very close to what is your protecting or defending , then, go 180° into what the mind wants to do and actually surrender/die to the fear. 

I know you probably have suffered a lot because of this stuff but the last phrase of your post makes me suspect you haven't realized how serious this is. Again, I'm not trying to sound "dramatic", You will always be "You" but realize that a lot of your identity (if much of it is identified with social anxiety traits , judgements etc) will have to die/transform and for your ego this will means literal death (because your ego is an identity/idea/concept/set of beliefs, therefore changing it's beliefs or dissolving it, is literal death for it).

Trust me, as fast you can let go of who you think you are, the fastest you will heal yourself. Again, no matter how much you let go/surrender, you will still be "You" ??

If not you'll just playing tricks on yourself. There's no real change is there's no true death and reborn within. 

[Nahm]

I overcame self referential thinking and no longer had social anxiety.

[Globalcollective]

I overcame it, took along time and a lot of hard work. I just went out as much as I could and through myself in as many social situations as I could. For almost two years straight I made sure I met around 3 to 10 new people a day. Its not actually that hard to overcome if your willing to face the fear head on. Of course you have to be mindful not to re-traumatise yourself when doing lots of exposure therapy