Is This Where I'm Going Wrong?

[OhHiMark]

Long story short. Child hood issues with love, mother's partner was abusive to her, my sister and I always fighting and so I felt I never developed a true understanding for relationships with family or other. Love was always two ends of the spectrum, either I associated it with violence or love was the only thing that mattered (I just want to be loved, accepted etc) My first relationship was at 26, I was very needy and emotional. Fast forward to now and I've become the opposite, I hook-up with different women throughout the week and feel no attachment, after the first night I lose interest and usually find a way to ignore them.

Every week end I go out to bars, my happiness is determined by others. I cannot just go out to enjoy going out. If I don't meet women I feel I've failed.

My one good relationship ended a few months back, I still hope one day we will meet and marry (even though right now it seems impossible) we broke up because I couldn't stop thinking of other women, I told her the true. "I need to work on myself" but I haven't done so.

Ok guys, this is where all of my reading has helped me. I've identified the problems and possible solutions, feel free to add any guidance;

 

My ego at the moment is incredibly huge and I'm feeding it by going out every Friday, my ego persuades me by telling me I only live once and I may meet the love of my Life at a bar. My ego craves what it cannot have and my ego cannot sit alone without validation. My ego ruined my relationship because I was unwilling to sacrifice short term pain for long term happiness.

I'm into acting, modelling and the gym. What better activities to devote my time to instead of sleeping around feeding the ego. 

I think the key here is short term pain, it's so so easy to avoid it. I think what I need to do is feel the pain of not going out (for the sake of going out) and grow myself by reading more, learning to become a great actor and work on my health.

I lastly want to add that my brain tells me that there is nothing wrong with going out and that by staying at home I'm wasting away.

 

Thanks.

 

 

[Nathalie]

@OhHiMark

what can one possibly answer you..?

All the answers you need are already hidden in the questions you made, if you go just a little deeplier by questioning, I'm sure you will find the best answers you can ever expect..

I would give it a try

Wish you the best

[Phrae]

What are you wasting away by going out? What are you gaining by staying in? Be clear on that.

[charlie2dogs]

On 6/19/2016 at 11:05 AM, OhHiMark said:

Long story short. Child hood issues with love, mother's partner was abusive to her, my sister and I always fighting and so I felt I never developed a true understanding for relationships with family or other. Love was always two ends of the spectrum, either I associated it with violence or love was the only thing that mattered (I just want to be loved, accepted etc) My first relationship was at 26, I was very needy and emotional. Fast forward to now and I've become the opposite, I hook-up with different women throughout the week and feel no attachment, after the first night I lose interest and usually find a way to ignore them.

Every week end I go out to bars, my happiness is determined by others. I cannot just go out to enjoy going out. If I don't meet women I feel I've failed.

My one good relationship ended a few months back, I still hope one day we will meet and marry (even though right now it seems impossible) we broke up because I couldn't stop thinking of other women, I told her the true. "I need to work on myself" but I haven't done so.

Ok guys, this is where all of my reading has helped me. I've identified the problems and possible solutions, feel free to add any guidance;

 

My ego at the moment is incredibly huge and I'm feeding it by going out every Friday, my ego persuades me by telling me I only live once and I may meet the love of my Life at a bar. My ego craves what it cannot have and my ego cannot sit alone without validation. My ego ruined my relationship because I was unwilling to sacrifice short term pain for long term happiness.

I'm into acting, modelling and the gym. What better activities to devote my time to instead of sleeping around feeding the ego. 

I think the key here is short term pain, it's so so easy to avoid it. I think what I need to do is feel the pain of not going out (for the sake of going out) and grow myself by reading more, learning to become a great actor and work on my health.

I lastly want to add that my brain tells me that there is nothing wrong with going out and that by staying at home I'm wasting away.

 

Thanks.

 

 

you went wrong when you became lost in the human identity, its been wrong ever since.

[OhHiMark]

On 6/20/2016 at 6:54 AM, MartineF said: