Existential Satisfaction. What is it?

[karkaore]

I am not satisfied. Will I ever be? I am going through odd times. Don't really know what being satisfied would mean. Not that I want anything in particular. Do not really feel any lack in any aspect of my life. I am reaching interesting states of consciousness. Am happy and loving, to a lesser or greater extent transparent. Most of the time "I" is not there. But something is there, being as a verb is there. It's being. This made me a fucking superman. Although I got used to this state I am not any more satisfied than before. Does this mean I am too impatient? Maybe I do not fully appreciate what I've reached? It's getting harder and harder as I go along the path to be clear on what exactly is honesty, therefore I am getting confused and lost whether I am or not honest to myself. Don't really know if I am not bullshitting myself about all this.

The latest trip I've had I reached the line of insanity. Does not feel like a big deal atm, but couldn't let the thought go while in that state. Feel a bit angry on myself for not being able to let go. This kinda added on top of all that I've wrote above. Nothing is wrong in particular. But a piece of the puzzle is definitely missing. Any pointers? Anyone who's been in a similar place any advice? Even asking for this feels silly and useless.

Oh and that same trip melted a notion of me perceiving anything out there and everything became God looking back at itself. Everything I did was God. All the doing and the doer was God. A nice cherry on top of that insignificant yet the most beautiful state I was in in that trip.