Would Love Your Opinion On How This Would Make You Feel, Thank You!

[isabel]

Hi, just doing a reality check. I want to know how my feeling compare to what other people might feel about certain things, thanks in advance if you can answer!

Imagine you loved watching tv as a child. You have two tvs in your home. You have one sister and one brother.

Your mother cut the plug on one tv so it's still sitting there but you can't plug it in to watch it.

She puts the other tv in her room, and when your favorite shows come on, one child is allowed in her room to lay on the bed with her and get back rubs and watch as much tv as they like.

You and the other child are alone in the rest of the house, you can listen under the door to the tv as long as you are perfectly quiet but you are two young children  so eventually you begin to make noise. The mother comes out and screams at you and sends you to your room for the night.

This happens every night for a long time and it's a typical example of life in the house as far as one child receiving treatment that is different from the other two.

How would you feel about that if it happened to you as a child?

And/or as a parent, would you ever do something like that to your children?

[Ayla]

@isabel , read about "the golden child" and "the scapegoat" in the context of NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) ... 

[ProblemSolving]

Yeah, it is not normal. I will not judge it too much. I would just like to tell how I might feel if I was a parent of three children.

Three children can be a little bit too much for me as a father. Depends on whether there is a still a wife that I love, which helps me to raise them. I love my children. They love television. Even though I don't watch tv anymore, I allow them to watch tv for an hour or so. Or a movie. All of them are allowed to watch tv. Maybe sometimes one of them will do some trouble and then I will need to give him or her some punishment by not allowing to watch tv for the day. Or no candy or no other bonuses. Screaming and physical abuse is no solution. It is just error propagation. But this also depends on how happy I am with my life, of course. Am I a total mess when coming home from work? 

Everything else that I would do is just my opinion. But I would never ever prioritize one child. I would make them grow up so freakin fast. I would teach them the important tools for an independent life and tell them that I am nothing but a fossil to them. But a fossil that loves them as much as nothing else in this world. 

 

[Nathalie]

19 hours ago, isabel said:

And/or as a parent, would you ever do something like that to your children?

NOOOO !

It really difficult to find a reason why one can act like this.. It just seems creasy.. Perhaps is (was) she totally overstrained?

[Allinthemind]

No, this is not one my parenting solutions.

Rather than teach you that the world is a loving place and that love can be shared, this behaviour would push you to the extremes; you are prized trophy or you are worthless. Have you grown up with attention issues?

Your mother was trying to fix something that she didn't get as a child. This doesn't make it right, but in whichever way it has shaped you, it may help you to place some distance on her conditioning.

You don't have to continue being part of your her value system.

How has this affected you?

[Donald]

@isabel Did you judge her on being a " bad parent" and how you will never be like her ?

[Fello]

As a child I would be very sad feeling left out..

As a parent I wouldn't have a TV in my house anyway. but if the point is treating one child differently than others if the intent was to appreciate one being "a good boy/girl" then I would do it differently I guess.