Unstable mental state

[electroBeam]

I posted a week or 2 ago about this issues. Got some great replies, helped me overcome issues that were completely unrelated to the original post - while helpful, I would like to overcome this issue.

 

Ok so the problem is, in the previous post I said I get an ego backlash every 2 weeks. After further inspection, that may have been an incorrect diagnosis. I will describe the symptoms in more detail.

 

Every 2 weeks, I enter an alternative state of consciousness which seems like an ego backlash but may not be.

In the experience, the following happens:

- massive body high, bliss. Body feels like a ball of bliss energy.

- social anxiety and worrying about what others thing completely goes away. Can do cold approach with 0 negative experience or thought, anytime, anywhere.

- feel deeply powerful or deeply movtivated and energetic to get things done, overcome fears and exit comfort zone.

- Consciousness of feelings and thoughts remain the same as sober.

- smiling all the time. 

 

It's sort of like mania but highly conscious. It's sort of like being drunk on alcohol, but highly conscious. It reminds me of how I felt on San Pedro.

 

Whenever I experience these states, I don't feel like meditating, or doing my goals. This experience essentially knocks me off my trajectory. Because of the frequency, this causes disruptions in my trajectory. 

 

Do you guys experience this? Is this the right way to look at it? This is a concern for me. Is this my ego tricking me? Is this concern not warranted for someone who is deeply motivated?

[LfcCharlie4]

I know you won't like this answer but have you genuinely ever been tested for mental health issues? 

Are the extreme highs often followed by extreme lows out of curiosity? 

If so, maybe go get checked out by a specialist, I'm NOT saying you have one at all, but wouldn't it be better to be safe than sorry? 

[Lento]

I used to experience the same kind of highs you're describing. But I didn't use to experience lows next to them.

I'm interested in the responses.. 

[electroBeam]

9 hours ago, Lento said:

I used to experience the same kind of highs you're describing. But I didn't use to experience lows next to them.

Yeah we must have the same phenomenas.

10 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

I know you won't like this answer but have you genuinely ever been tested for mental health issues? 

Are the extreme highs often followed by extreme lows out of curiosity? 

If so, maybe go get checked out by a specialist, I'm NOT saying you have one at all, but wouldn't it be better to be safe than sorry? 

It doesn't transition to lows. It's just like taking San pedro(except you're totally in control of your body). I've never tried MDMA but it's probably a sober form of that, you experience it then go back to normal. It's like doing kriya yoga. You get high for a while then go back to normal. 

Yes many times in the past. I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia, autism. I have not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. These highs didn't resonate as bipolar with a specialist. Nor did they believe it was mania. They believed if it was anything it was a weird cognitive effect.

I didn't take drugs for any of my mental health(including schizophrenia) I'm very against drugs. Instead I made the most of my psychosis and metaphysically studied and explored my hallucinations. Very interesting insights there.

As for my autism I've been practicing emotional intelligence excersises for a while which helped a lot.

 

Therapists are fucked. Its like getting a child to diagnose you. Im not into therapists or western medicine in general. Shamans understand me much more. In fact they all have schizophrenia like me so they understand hahaah.

Edited February 15, 2020 by electroBeam

[Nahm]

@electroBeam Have you tried boiling this down to one phrase, as a thought, and working that thought up the emotional scale? The perspective changes and the yang aha perspective is ‘revealed’. 

[electroBeam]

8 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@electroBeam Have you tried boiling this down to one phrase, as a thought, and working that thought up the emotional scale? The perspective changes and the yang aha perspective is ‘revealed’. 

Yes can definitely try that thanks!

When I try to put awareness on a feeling, and drop the thought about/describing the feeling, I go through multiple iterations of thoughts describing the feeling(oh I'm feeling bad about being fat! Oh no actually it's about me not accepting myself, oh no it's about me not being ok with being by myself,  loneliness, etc). And each one feels like a different paradigm(different perspective). Is this what you mean by work your way up?

 

I've been practicing the excersises (you guided me with) and have gotten a lot out of that. In fact this bliss state I believe is directly correlated to my kriya(inner effort) to do those excersises. After observing the emotion(rather than the thought) and basically recontexualising all of the emotions/feelings(because I use to believe thought about the feeling, rather than the feeling itself, so I was misinterpreting the feeling all my life) all of these different sensations are starting to come out: bliss, deep motivation, freedom. And this is making it hard to 'control' myself to do the spiritual practices. It's like the thoughts are telling me to do the spiritual practices(like meditation) but I'm loosing capacity to listen to thought...

[Nahm]

7 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

Yes can definitely try that thanks!

When I try to put awareness on a feeling, and drop the thought about/describing the feeling, I go through multiple iterations of thoughts describing the feeling(oh I'm feeling bad about being fat! Oh no actually it's about me not accepting myself, oh no it's about me not being ok with being by myself,  loneliness, etc). And each one feels like a different paradigm(different perspective). Is this what you mean by work your way up?

The thoughts will ease up in severity after doing this a few times. Lot of clarity. Write the thought down in a phrase, and looking at the scale, choose the feeling that best matches how you feel. Then go to the next higher feeling on the scale, and feel for that feeling. A new perspective arises. At some ‘levels’ on the scale it’s takes longer, but that’s usually the one that brings the understanding & relieving perspective, which opens the door through the rest of the scale. 

7 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

I've been practicing the excersises (you guided me with) and have gotten a lot out of that. In fact this bliss state I believe is directly correlated to my kriya(inner effort) to do those excersises. After observing the emotion(rather than the thought) and basically recontexualising all of the emotions/feelings(because I use to believe thought about the feeling, rather than the feeling itself, so I was misinterpreting the feeling all my life) all of these different sensations are starting to come out: bliss, deep motivation, freedom. And this is making it hard to 'control' myself to do the spiritual practices. It's like the thoughts are telling me to do the spiritual practices(like meditation) but I'm loosing capacity to listen to thought...

Great to hear, very insightful on the kriya. Sounds like a solid ox wrestle. Feeling so good, it’s hard to do the practices. Filling up a dream board?

[electroBeam]

24 minutes ago, Nahm said:

The thoughts will ease up in severity after doing this a few times. Lot of clarity. Write the thought down in a phrase, and looking at the scale, choose the feeling that best matches how you feel. Then go to the next higher feeling on the scale, and feel for that feeling. A new perspective arises. At some ‘levels’ on the scale it’s takes longer, but that’s usually the one that brings the understanding & relieving perspective, which opens the door through the rest of the scale. 

Nice one thanks!

25 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Great to hear, very insightful on the kriya. Sounds like a solid ox wrestle. Feeling so good, it’s hard to do the practices. Filling up a dream board?

Filled by haven't looked at it in a week, great reminder

[LfcCharlie4]

@electroBeam fair enough mate. 
 

I think it’s unfair to place all drugs and therapists into the same basket, I don’t agree with a lot of drugs for mental illness, but feel forms of therapy can definitely help with some things