Shako's Journal

[Shalva]

13.02.2020 /  Over View  / *Different Style of English* 

First of all i am so grateful that i am tapping this keyboard. Past 4-5 Month was so Life changing for me. 

2019.9.13 -   8:00 Am  *Agnostic Shako" " Arrogant Shako" "Judgmental Shako" , "Masturbating 24/7 Shako " "Eating Junk food  Shako" "Macho Shako" is at work , I am working for a building up company , it's a summer 39 c hot , holiday time , i am free from university and decided to Get a Job. The last day of the job 2019.9.13,  i've always had fears about not to fail at the end of smth , And of course Boom *Anxiety* ( Last Anxiety Period 2018.08 - 2019.02) Hits , that was Shocked to me After all my struggles and Pain , It starts Again.... I took my money after 27 days of Working hard 1000 gel = 310$ 2019.9.13 7:00 PM  and go home with my Old friends --> Anxiety , Fear , And the Other Bullshit 

2019.9.13  - 22:00 - *Bad Time* *Listening to music* *my thoughts : Nah man am not gonna my Health issues to Ruin my life* , * Shit this starts again* ]

*What am i doing wrong*

*Why again*

*Yeah absolutely man You were doing good*

*Maybe i missed something  ?*

* Okey its time man it is timee , I am gonna change everything right now*

*But its ok because i know i can embrace it*

*But it is also so sad , And Hard * 

-

2019.9.14 - 

*Waking up* 

* Fuck my life*

*How many times Should i Let go anxiety and Again it comes Even bigger* *At this time I did not know shit about me , or why i had anxiety*

*Ok* 

*Lets Just live*''

*Or maybe i can Find some solutions? What if i Find a better way of Healing my Self ?*   * BTW i am from Stage Blue environment , "My Friends" "My family" " My city , The USSR Society Georgia,Tbilisi*

* Time pases*

 

2019.9.15 -  13.02.2020

*Started Running*

*Taste of Success , and joy*

*anxiety reduces*

* Actualized.org* * Oh this dude is taking real shit , It would be nice to watch this dude every day* *Oh yeah it would be better to Download mp3 and listen to fre time * 

*Okey damnn*

*Started Reading books*

*First book : meditations*

*Amor Fati*   

*First Life Crisis* 

*Mannnn ive wasted m life doing shit 

*Okey Look man i've accomplished so much , We reduced Anxiety and Fear" "RIGHT" *We can Do better* *We can change My Whole Life*

*Stop being Macho*

*Quit Watching Porn*

*Quit Social Media*

*Quit Making Memes* 

*Quit Masturbating*

*Quit Sugar*

*Started Drinking Water Consistently"

*George Leonard - Mastery*

*Alchemist*

* Realized How much i can do*

*Mistakes : I was running , running , until i realized that i had life crisis * Man wait, i should slow down* * I am moving to fast*

*Mistakes : Misunderstanding Spirituality , God And Advanced Teachings. *Confusion and Mindfucks*  * Started demonizing Leo*

*Realized that i was Agnostic but there is something more into life But my psyche and my understanding and that Views of my world Maybe it is false*

*Okey i am confues right now but , I know something will save me "

*Oh okey fisrt i need to go lower stages of maslows hierarchy and then go to find deepest Truth , Other wise my understanding is So poor , i Don't know shit about this stuuf* 

*Ahaa i know now "And those who were seen dancing thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music" Yeah i cant hear music , Thats right , my understanding is so poor , I am not ready for this yet

* Lets Drop sptirituality , And Absoulte Truth kinda stuff and Focus on Lower stages of pyramid

*Fears, Anxiety, About Advanced stuff*

* okey now i can let go all of my needs to know and later i will do better*

*Shit wtf u are talking about man you cant even buy a Bread for your money , you are depended on your parents, I dont even have my own house food , girlfirend , True friend*

*Shit i was deceiving myself whole time , I fall into trap of Reality & appearance" * I thought i was on the TOP of the GROWTH and SUCCESS* 

*Realized it was only just the beginning OF the Journey*

*Created Commonplace book*

*Started Going Library*

*Set up Project and Step by step guide how to become financialy free*

*We Back To Game *

12.12.2019 Daily Routine                                                         12.2.2020 Daily routine 

 

2019.9.13 

 

 

2019.9.14

 

10.12.2019

 

 

 

 

 

1.01.2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

        

 

 

 

[Shalva]

21.02.2020 

Today I realized , That I don't Give a shit. that's all I won't Take life too seriously anymore "Ultimately Nothing Really Matters" - Napoleon Hill . Reality Will be Reality Nothing will change except my perception. 

 

[Shalva]

24.02.2020 

I am struggling with my PTSD , a week ago i realized that "I" was not a problem , I've tried Very Strong marijuana  for the first time of my life and was very Fearful . after that i was blaming myself that i was too weak and cant handled the grass and got me crazy. after that accident i had mental health issues ; fears anxiety and etc. And now i realized that It is not my fault. Its was how i Grown up with difficult family , my father always shouted at me , there was always stressful situation in my family and still is . The only way escape this hard situation is to become Financially independent. And i know fuck everyone and everything i will do it . only thing will stop me is death . so I've set up Plan.

1.  Firstly i need to take care of my health issues , Mental and Physical ones . I've set up My own Therapy in my  commonplace book . I don't have enough Budget to get therapy or  any other support all i can do is me and me . Cure myself. 

 

2. Secondly , I've Set up Guide to Financial Freedom 

 

So yesterday , I pushed mt comfort zone . I took my Saving 41.21 Gel = 12 $ , And go outside. Then i go cheap store and Bought two Water mugs for sports people . and one marvel cup. Then i moved to gym and tried to sell my product  it was Challenging .  i had fears and other bullshit in my mind but i pushed through anyways.  It didnt work . I spent 5 hours every gym to sell one of these but uggh.  Anyways it was good experience . I've Talked to many strangers and overcome some Excuses. So today i will sell it on mymarket.ge its like Local Amazon.com 

 

 

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3. I need to cut all my shitty friends . I have 4 Best friends Since Childhood. but i cant Understand them anymore . They become sarcastic the work i do They are Wasting times and Playing cards hanging and bitching around.  It will be hard but i need to cut them. The easy way is to move another county i think USA is the Best. I need to win Green Card. 

I am aware that i am just 19 , Little Confused but its ok . I know I can Fight for my vision : Its a bit complicated and Personal .

I gotta go for a running now .