what happens If you become more conscious than your partner?

[mikey1028]

Ive been dating the same girl for 7 years, i love her very much and have contemplated marriage. we met in high school. but since then I've dived deep into psychedelics, doing week long sits on my own, and realizing my self and all as God. These awakenings have have been painful and blissful. Leo, how has your path affected your romantic relationships? when everything is me ( I ) it's impossible to love any part of myself over another. this Has lead me to looking at books on polyamory & open relationships. not for more sex, but for deeper intimacy, honesty and freedom to overcome jealousy & fear. I feel that i love her unconditionally but the more awake i become the more i realize that her love is conditional. All of this is so paradoxical. sometimes I think to be most conscious I have to be alone that a marriage or a 2 ego relationship could be a distraction/maya seeing as from my point of view most spiritual teachers are single "married to God" you could say, but also i see teachers like Sadhguru who was married and It worked for him. i find myself split between feeling responsible for helping her work through her insecurities and mind to continue to build what we've been building and maybe eventually help teach others to build honest strong unconditional unbreakable bonds. or to detach from her to have even more focus on actualizing myself and go full Guru. I feel like staying with her is selfish but also i feel that leaving her would be too. not that either could be "good" or "bad"objectively. I don't now if facing my fears means committing to her and getting married, working through anything that comes our way and not fear divorce, sickness, or disagreements. Or if really facing my fears is to maybe move away from her ,my family and friends and truely become "no one"/God. Can i count on anyone but I? Do you see yourself ever marrying? does having a wife or a GF make sense on this path. or is it better to have occasional sex/dates/fun with different people. Did you go through anything like this on your path? Thank you Leo for Everything you do, have done and will continue to do. your content in my opinion is the best out there, infinitely grateful for all you do.

Edited February 12, 2020 by mikey1028

[Peo]

2 hours ago, mikey1028 said:

it's impossible to love any part of myself over another.

I thought awakening was gone make you love yourself more and since you are everything then shouldn't you love all parts of yourself. Did you miss the love part in your awakenings?

[mikey1028]

3 hours ago, Peo said:

I thought awakening was gone make you love yourself more and since you are everything then shouldn't you love all parts of yourself. Did you miss the love part in your awakenings?

No, I love all parts of myself. By saying I can't love one part of my self over another means I feel that I cant have preference of any one aspect of reality over another. I feel like anyway everything turns out it's all the same. It didnt use to feel that way. GFs tend to like when u give them preference over other aspects of reality. And my ego definitely doesnt mind being her "favorite" person either. I love very intensely. I love her alot. I just wonder how much more of "the world, reality, myself, & God in its infinitude I could love without the distraction or responsibility of a "romantic" relationship. Weather I was with her or not. Married or single I would love her the same. To the same degree to which I love myself, my friends, the universe and of course whoever's reading this. 

[Lento]

@mikey1028

If I don't have a preference, then that's also a preference.

We conventionally assume that the ego is about having a preference, and that's true. What's missing, though, is that not having a preference is also egoic, since it's just another preference.

The conclusion here is freedom! You can have any preferences or have none. It doesn't matter. You're free.

[mikey1028]

Love this answer, thank you!

[phoenixrising]

Why not lovingly support her in an emotional way and patiently help her wake up? My husband was ahead of me (in a mentally developed way) for a long time but he was patient and non judgmental and eventually I came around and realized i was being very selfish and hypocritical and cruel and i started my awakening journey and now I'm helping him more and he is still helping me. we're making it a journey we take together as well as one we take alone. Hope this perspective helps. Namaste. 

[Harikrishnan]

If you can help her move a inch from what she is right now, then u can be a lets say a successful guru in future ?

If not drop the relationship you will be happy and she will be more happy so she can move on and find a good man and they could love conditionally and live happily ever after.

Edited February 15, 2020 by Harikrishnan

[Meetjoeblack]

On 2020-02-12 at 3:32 AM, mikey1028 said:

Ive been dating the same girl for 7 years, i love her very much and have contemplated marriage. we met in high school. but since then I've dived deep into psychedelics, doing week long sits on my own, and realizing my self and all as God. These awakenings have have been painful and blissful. Leo, how has your path affected your romantic relationships? when everything is me ( I ) it's impossible to love any part of myself over another. this Has lead me to looking at books on polyamory & open relationships. not for more sex, but for deeper intimacy, honesty and freedom to overcome jealousy & fear. I feel that i love her unconditionally but the more awake i become the more i realize that her love is conditional. All of this is so paradoxical. sometimes I think to be most conscious I have to be alone that a marriage or a 2 ego relationship could be a distraction/maya seeing as from my point of view most spiritual teachers are single "married to God" you could say, but also i see teachers like Sadhguru who was married and It worked for him. i find myself split between feeling responsible for helping her work through her insecurities and mind to continue to build what we've been building and maybe eventually help teach others to build honest strong unconditional unbreakable bonds. or to detach from her to have even more focus on actualizing myself and go full Guru. I feel like staying with her is selfish but also i feel that leaving her would be too. not that either could be "good" or "bad"objectively. I don't now if facing my fears means committing to her and getting married, working through anything that comes our way and not fear divorce, sickness, or disagreements. Or if really facing my fears is to maybe move away from her ,my family and friends and truely become "no one"/God. Can i count on anyone but I? Do you see yourself ever marrying? does having a wife or a GF make sense on this path. or is it better to have occasional sex/dates/fun with different people. Did you go through anything like this on your path? Thank you Leo for Everything you do, have done and will continue to do. your content in my opinion is the best out there, infinitely grateful for all you do.

I trip too. Psychedelic trips, mushrooms, dmt, etc. I come to great insights from the experience. I feel more connectivity.

I sat in meditation after a mushroom trip. It felt like I was being huged by the plant medicine. It was informative that I am still healing. I suppose we all are if we do the work.

If marriage comes, what would change? If it's what you want, why flee from it. The thing I notice is that, people trip, find God, meditate, trip, spirituality but, more often than not, it creates a new ego. One where they believe that they are better.

You kill one ego and it comes in the backdoor like a snake.

Sex is huge for me. Attraction too. It's not the be end all but it is important. As a man and active bachelor exercising cold approach pickup, the grass isn't always greener. It is a lot of fun and heavy lifting. It can make a man jaded. You see a series of patterns. You can recognize cheating, cuck, monkey branching and you can see solid relationships. I know of three.

If you have a great relationship, leaving it is foolish.

[cotton-candy007]

On 2/12/2020 at 2:02 AM, mikey1028 said:

Ive been dating the same girl for 7 years, i love her very much and have contemplated marriage. we met in high school. but since then I've dived deep into psychedelics, doing week long sits on my own, and realizing my self and all as God. These awakenings have have been painful and blissful. Leo, how has your path affected your romantic relationships? when everything is me ( I ) it's impossible to love any part of myself over another. this Has lead me to looking at books on polyamory & open relationships. not for more sex, but for deeper intimacy, honesty and freedom to overcome jealousy & fear. I feel that i love her unconditionally but the more awake i become the more i realize that her love is conditional. All of this is so paradoxical. sometimes I think to be most conscious I have to be alone that a marriage or a 2 ego relationship could be a distraction/maya seeing as from my point of view most spiritual teachers are single "married to God" you could say, but also i see teachers like Sadhguru who was married and It worked for him. i find myself split between feeling responsible for helping her work through her insecurities and mind to continue to build what we've been building and maybe eventually help teach others to build honest strong unconditional unbreakable bonds. or to detach from her to have even more focus on actualizing myself and go full Guru. I feel like staying with her is selfish but also i feel that leaving her would be too. not that either could be "good" or "bad"objectively. I don't now if facing my fears means committing to her and getting married, working through anything that comes our way and not fear divorce, sickness, or disagreements. Or if really facing my fears is to maybe move away from her ,my family and friends and truely become "no one"/God. Can i count on anyone but I? Do you see yourself ever marrying? does having a wife or a GF make sense on this path. or is it better to have occasional sex/dates/fun with different people. Did you go through anything like this on your path? Thank you Leo for Everything you do, have done and will continue to do. your content in my opinion is the best out there, infinitely grateful for all you do.

24

@mikey1028 

This is intriguing as I am in that same place. My ex and I just broke up due to my own jealousy (which I've discovered I've had for centuries). He is more advanced in this path and has had awakenings (one of his birth, 'one-ness' pure love, hyper intuition) which essentially has made him conclude to polyamory and believe that all women are love and men are 'abominations.'

Is this "normal" in men to be more open to polyamory when learning/have awakenings? Do women also have more open relationships or like the same sex?  We have not been together very long in this current lifetime, but have had the same dreams from other lifetimes and each end him leaving me (due to my jealousy) and a door closing, flame going out ...which leads me to conclude I killed myself after he left. And now, here I am....

I love him very much and I want to try. I've had this lesson handed to me over and over and have pushed away a man that has endless love for me. I don't want to be this anymore. Understanding I have A LOT of personal work to do and healing, he has directed me in the right direction of learning about awakening, understanding myself and essentially, learning my 'life's' mission. 

I am curious to know if anyone(s) have had a similar experience or past life regressions? If married and in the process of learning enlightenment, has your partner been more open to polyamory? Are there dating communities in enlightenment???  

 

 

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, cotton-candy007 said:

has made him conclude to polyamory and believe that all women are love and men are 'abominations.'

LOL, are you serious?

I'm at a loss for words... be careful, the ego operates quite well after awakenings, it's sneaky. I think polyamory is silly, but what's important to note is that it's each person's choice, don't take it as an absolute. There are no absolutes in the world of form, all is relative.

[BETGR164128]

@mikey1028 Of course her love is conditional, what else do you expect. But what she is doing is not really loving you, she's using you to fill a hole in her soul. Conditional love is neediness dressed up as love. The question is do you think it's fair that you continue to let her live this lie with you? I think you're stuck in denial and not seeing her "love" for what it truly is.

[cotton-candy007]

@Gili Trawangan thanks! I know, I started to question where/how this idea would come from...why is it that (men) have an ego or seem dickish when discovering self-actualization? Is it constant? (permanent?) Does your view on relationships drastically change considering @mikey1028 post??? 

[Gili Trawangan]

10 hours ago, cotton-candy007 said:

@Gili Trawangan thanks! I know, I started to question where/how this idea would come from...why is it that (men) have an ego or seem dickish when discovering self-actualization? Is it constant? (permanent?) Does your view on relationships drastically change considering @mikey1028 post??? 

You're trying to generalize and create a rule in your mind and there are no rules. Each path is utterly unique. Some people change their views on relationships, some don't. Men don't seem dickish, a particular man is seeming dickish to you. It says nothing about men or about self-actualization or about awakening. Deconstruct all these beliefs, see how they are operating in your mind but have no actuality to them aside from the thoughts in the present moment.

[Arcangelo]

If he had a weak ego SA is gonna make him have a strong ego. If he had a strong ego SA is gonna destroy that ego ultimately.

[h inandout]

Hey, am kinda going through whether or not I should be poly too... Am trying to integrate myself, and every boyfriend gets me to go deeper in some unexpected way.  Would be willing to be monogamous, because that is it's own deep challenge.  But no matter, we literally need relationships.  Even if you use the robot scanner at the grocery store, you are still eating the veggies that someone else picked for you. 

Maybe it is time for me to revisit this list: https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory, and genuinely consider what excites me, and offer it as something my bf can choose to help me meet.

I shouldn't blame my bf for my own personal frustration at his lag time in matching my awareness, and likewise I shouldn't blame myself for not being up to speed on his awareness.  Learning to compassionately give and receive is a part of my growth anyways. 

I am allowing new needs to arise and spiral me up.

Edited February 23, 2020 by h inandout

[cotton-candy007]

On 2/23/2020 at 2:22 AM, Arcangelo said:

If he had a weak ego SA is gonna make him have a strong ego. If he had a strong ego SA is gonna destroy that ego ultimately.

@Arcangelo how so ..? why do you believe this/what experience made you believe this..?

[Arcangelo]

That's kinda what Leo says, I can't remember in which video though. And I confirmed it with myself. I used to have a very weak ego, I used to be a people pleaser involved in co-dependent toxic relationships with narcissists and loser idiots. Very low self esteem. I cut those relationships and naturally became a lone wolf, which I effing love.

Right now I am in the phase of building a tall wall around me so no one can take advantage of my people pleasing tendencies. I am working on becoming the biggest arrogant @sshole I can, seriously.

When/If I succeed at becoming a very arrogant dude, I will prolly go full circle and destroy my ego. It makes total sense to me.

You guys gotta understand that me becoming an arrogant dude is just me becoming a healthy individual. If you are a people pleaser you need arrogance to balance it. Or something like that.

 

Arc

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Arcangelo said:

that me becoming an arrogant dude is just me becoming a healthy individual. If you are a people pleaser you need arrogance to balance it. Or something like that.

 

Arc

I was a people pleaser before. I had low self esteem. Now I'm doing the same thing, trying to become arrogant. I'm trying to balance my goody two shoes attitude. Now I'm more like IDGAF. and people have started calling me arrogant. But I don't care. Because I can't please everyone at the same time. And I have realized that I'm not obligated to be in everyone's good graces. That realization made a huge difference. 

Now I'm like a free bird. 

 

[inFlow]

On 2/12/2020 at 9:02 AM, mikey1028 said:

i see teachers like Sadhguru who was married and It worked for him

His wife is already gone. Maha-samadhi.

In my stand point I have a wife, but after 2.5 years of being together our paths actually changed and now we are in a crisis moment where it's either we cope with it or we leave each other in order to walk our own path. And I want to be alone actually, nothing could hold me back from doing what ever I want. I have a way different vision of how my life should be now vs what I thought some time before. I think I will actually get divorced, but not only for me, for her also, cause I see that I hold her back from her "true dreams" and I see that it's not me that she actually wants and I understand that which makes it easier to make the decision. I'm actually looking forward for it, no matter if it means divorce, being single, social judgment etc. It's best for us to just set apart and be. We will be way more happy without each other than just suffering trying to pull it together. Also I have the same problem where our consciousness is different so we see the world and our life differently, we have different needs.

Just think what you want and make the decision. You don't need a SO to live. You have yourself for it. Also you can just hang out with different people when you feel like it. But I think for you it would be way easier to just split. @mikey1028 Good luck!