Socialising as an introvert

[electroBeam]

I'm in a spot where I need to get hyper social.

Things like meeting lots of new people a day.

 

If I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, I would create a man cave and only come out once a month hahahaha and thats to go into nature, not to meet people hahaha. I love my own space, freedom, independence, the internet, solitude, and doing my life's work isolated.

 

When I go to meet people, it's suffering for me because I feel like I'm wasting my time, because I don't connect with most people(value difference and different interests) and I feel like I'm forced to talk about crap, because if I talk about what I want, they loose interest. And because I'm different, i have less buying power for what to talk about in groups. Even if I go find people like me, I need to be social for business reasons, which means Orange.

How is my ego tricking me? 

[Gili Trawangan]

10 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

How is my ego tricking me? 

 

11 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

When I go to meet people, it's suffering for me because I feel like I'm wasting my time, because I don't connect with most people(value difference and different interests) and I feel like I'm forced to talk about crap, because if I talk about what I want, they loose interest.

This is just an ego story. The way to be more social is not to add anything to yourself, it is just to remove the bs beliefs like the ones I quoted. And I understand, they arise for me as well, I also spend more of my time in solitude.

But when I'm able to let go of mind chatter and bs beliefs, and simply be in the moment, then conversation with others simply happens, and it's smooth and effortless. And fun, words come out of my mouth without anyone saying them, and it's all one happening without judgment.

[Byun Sean]

I have had the same issue. We have INTJ personalities lol. Or thats at least my judgement because I've been going through the EXACT same confusion as you in the past few months.

First: Watch Leo's video on: Sameness vs Difference and contemplate the two deeply

What you will find is that sameness and difference are a matter of perspective and are completely relative

 

The thing your ego doesn't want you to see and deny profusely is that you are in a community with beings who are different from a certain point of view, but also exactly like you from another. Right now you are only seeing the differences because thats what your mind wants you to see. 

And the boundary that makes up the difference between your idea of you and 'other people' is completely virtual.

Even if you found someone who had the same interests as you, you would still find a way to differentiate yourself from them because this is how the INTJ personality survives. 

After we get rid of this thick virtual boundary even for a moment, social interaction and even small talk becomes effortless (:0 IKR)

Whats helped me:

-acknowledge that you are a whole that is also part of the larger whole of mankind and life at large (Not just THE whole period). 

-try to look for and admit to yourself the similarities between you and others rather than nitpicking the differences

-discipline yourself to try to talk to people who you are most comfortable with and just try to surrender to the moment without trying to calculate and understand everything. Just kick back and have a good time

-try to get out of your head and bring your awareness into the outer world (You may notice your mind likes to escape into the inner world a lot).

-let go of the need to be superior to others. (Especially with our intellectual knowledge  )

Edited February 12, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Gili Trawangan]

@Byun Sean Very nice post

[Whatwhat]

@Byun Sean @Gili Trawangan nice thx

[Martin123]

@electroBeam Connection builds intimacy and intimacy is an aspect of the divine feminine energy. Your ego is not tricking you it is merely protesting towards energies and situations within which it hasn’t been able to realise it’s safe enough to be okay and let go.

 

Just as there is a need to build emotional connection with ourselves through self love, creativity and self-expression, the same importance is then necessary to be honoured in social aspects as a way of deepening the emotional healing that takes place within. Every time you connect with another person a part of you is healed. This healing wouldn’t be possible without the connection with another as the majority of wounds we have suffered in our early childhood has been relational in the contexts of our families and early communities (fancy words for parents). 
It’s okay not to be comfortable in social situations and take your time. It’s even okay if there are judgements against them and it’s even okay if you are too afraid to connect. But the evolution lies within the question of “will you let this fear stop you from going forward and progressing in your path?”

 

and I know it won’t, that’s just not the type of the person you are. The person that is eager to evolve and grow. Even if you take your time, it’s guaranteed that you will grow through this. Good luck.

[StarStruck]

On 12-2-2020 at 3:25 AM, electroBeam said:

If I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, I would create a man cave and only come out once a month hahahaha and thats to go into nature, not to meet people hahaha. I love my own space, freedom, independence, the internet, solitude, and doing my life's work isolated.

 

How is my ego tricking me? 

Is this really who you are or did your environment (since childhood) shape you to be this way?