Employer treating me like complete crap

[Lynnel]

Warning : There is gonna be a little venting and strong language because I'm quite angry but please bear with me (and mods please be comprehensive). Also for the love of god please avoid one sentence unhelpful responses with kindergarden advice.

I've been looking for a job since november which is extremely hard even in a civilized western country because I lack experience. Employers feel so risk averse I sometimes think it's the great depression or a wallstreet crash - with the slightest mishap if you don't have much experience they all start rationalizing it negatively. Anyways. Back to my story.

I've gotten a great first interview. Then a second one. In total I met 7 people from the company, totaly nailed both interviews. The HR offered me the job and send me a first version of the contract. All good right ? Nope. I go on negociating the contract, it goes perfectly fine and I sit waiting for the second version. The lady in charge of the recruitment then calls me and tells me she needs me to do a short trial. I'm like wtf but since I have no other choice (since i'm already committed to this job - I cancelled other interviews for it, yes big mistake) I do it. It goes fine. Several days later I send a mail asking what's up and I get the second version of the contract - finally all seems fine. Well no ! 5 day later I get a mail about how they still decided not to hire me.

This is the worst way shape and form I've ever been treated in my entire life and while it's been several weeks I'm still enraged about it.

I don't mind rejections much but this : acceptance, you're amazing , rejection, acception, rejection cycle just raped my self-esteem. It's a tremendous lack of respect and the employer doesn't care even a little bit about me and is gonna get away with it without ANY repercussions, while I'm here miserable having wasted several weeks and with a hole in my self-esteem on top of negative feelings about employers in general (which is not gonna help).

I've never been an evil corporations guys and I'm fine with basic survival shit like not answering to candidates who you're not interested with. But going back on your word like that is just too much it's such a lack of integrity it's totaly proposterous. Thus I'm having feelings of rage I don't quite know what to do with and would like some help/insights with my situation.

Thanks

 

[Nahm]

@Lynnel I remember the days when I’d say, “tell me the actual truth of what I’m missing here...don’t hold a single punch”. I remember prior to that stage, laying disclaimers, so people would just be nice to me,  so I wouldn’t feel hurt. In hindsight, it must have been difficult for some people to watch me cut my own hands off. 

[Michael569]

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

5 day later I get a mail about how they still decided not to hire me.

This is extreeeeeemely common corporate behaviour. Often this is not necessarily the HR person's doing but rather an incredibly complex hierarchy of approvals and administration protocols. But the devilry goes both ways and a lot of peacocky primadonnas in corporate sector treat recruitment agents like shit once they get slightly more experienced and can become picky. 

So accept that this is what it is. It is not right, I am not defending the system but it is what it is. Knowing that, you have several options: 

1. play along with the game and continue job hunting even after you've received a copy of your contract. This creates a lot of corruption though because you basically risk taking away somebody else's chance. 

2. refuse to play along in which case you need to develop yourself enough to be able to start your own small business. This is the hard path but more rewarding. 

3. Chance the sector and start working on re-educating yourself. Not all industries are dicks like that. Perhaps you are just going for the most obvious opportunities (the analyst, consultant, the coordinator, the senior/junior and all this shit. If you feel stuck, consider buying the Life Purpose course. 

Some companies are genuinely nice and caring. Banks, big pharma, consulting companies (the ones selling "air" such as PWC, KPMG...)  and all the similar devils will treat you like shit. They have many options and they don't see you as a person. They don't value your personality neither your creativity. They see "an asset" , so expect to be treated as such despite receiving a better salary than most places out there. 

 

Edited February 11, 2020 by Michael569

[Thought Art]

@Lynnel

What did you negotiate on? 

[Jonac]

3 hours ago, Michael569 said:

This is extreeeeeemely common corporate behaviour. Often this is not necessarily the HR person's doing but rather an incredibly complex hierarchy of approvals and administration protocols.

I thought the same. But indeed they treat you like crap. I use to work in a place were respect was too little, and the employeer always was angry af, I quit. Just try not to take it to personal. 

[Bill W]

5 hours ago, Lynnel said:

The HR offered me the job and send me a first version of the contract. All good right ? Nope. I go on negociating the contract,

Why didn't you just accept the contract? Who said it was a negotiation? 

[Raw Nature]

(1) leave as soon as you can

(2) use the situation as a challenge to improving your emotional intelligence and general enlightenment 

In the special forces they grind you down to dirt to see how mentally resilient your are, where you're working now you don't deserve that of course but you can use it as an opportunity to become more in tune with your body and wake.

Edited February 12, 2020 by Raw Nature

[Preety_India]

Ditch that employer

 

[Robert Leavitt]

@Lynnel So...I'm going to go out on a limb here and just shoot it straight from the hip.  Because, it's important to my and ultimately to you for me to be honest in my perspective.  I will not offer you a resentful opinion about corporate America (Because that doesn't help you).

That company doesn't owe you anything.  Life isn't fair...

Your major problem is that you believe that they were supposed to accept your negotiation (you already had the job mind you) and they reconsidered and they didn't accept it.  That's on you, not them.  You put yourself out there (kudos for that, because that's hard to do), and then they said no...and I'm 100% sure they had their reasons for changing their minds.

Reasons that you will probably never know (but you can rest assured they had something to do with your negotiation or your interactions with them).

The major pattern I see that you are describing is a sense of entitlement.  You felt you were entitled to whatever you negotiated for, and then you thought you were entitled to them being upfront with you and giving you what you wanted.

But you aren't.

I hope this doesn't cause you a tremendous amount of distress.  I could easily just say "ya F__K those guys, who do they think they are?" but... that's not going to help you.

You have my support no matter what.  

Peace and Love,

Robert

 

 

 

[Matt23]

Self-compassion

Self-kindness:  The ability to treat oneself with care and understanding rather than harsh self-judgement

- Helps to alleviate harsh judgments

A sense of common humanity:  Recognizing that imperfection is a shared aspect of the human experience rather than feeling isolated by one's failures

- Helps to feel connected when vulnerable

Mindfulness:  Holding one's present-moment experience in balanced perspective rather than exaggerating the dramatic story-line of one's suffering.

- Helps stop rumination

 

Got this from a study done by Texas University.

I've attached it down below.

Self-compassion psych resilience paper (1).pdf

[Thought Art]

@Lynnel

@Robert Leavitt It sounds to me like this is really your ego crying out because external situation didn't fill ego needs

[Lynnel]

On 11/02/2020 at 4:17 PM, Michael569 said:

This is extreeeeeemely common corporate behaviour.

In America maybe, but here we have a more chill culture + it was a average sized company.

Like I totaly expected companies to be dicks and devils. But not to that extent. Lesson learned, I guess.

Thanks for you comment though I felt a bit better I've already done the life purpose course and I'm still figuring it out.

On 11/02/2020 at 9:03 PM, Bill W said:

Why didn't you just accept the contract? Who said it was a negotiation? 

Negotiation is a soft skill and I accepter the contract as is, because since I have no revelant work experience I have no grounds to negotiate on. Altough I got promises of a raise within x months - which was great. Like this wasn't a negotiation problem. Companies always give you a lower amount expecting you to negotiate after.

21 hours ago, Raw Nature said:

(1) leave as soon as you can

They didn't hire me so I have no one to leave

18 hours ago, Robert Leavitt said:

@Lynnel So...I'm going to go out on a limb here and just shoot it straight from the hip.  Because, it's important to my and ultimately to you for me to be honest in my perspective.  I will not offer you a resentful opinion about corporate America (Because that doesn't help you).

That company doesn't owe you anything.  Life isn't fair...

Your major problem is that you believe that they were supposed to accept your negotiation (you already had the job mind you) and they reconsidered and they didn't accept it.  That's on you, not them.  You put yourself out there (kudos for that, because that's hard to do), and then they said no...and I'm 100% sure they had their reasons for changing their minds.

Reasons that you will probably never know (but you can rest assured they had something to do with your negotiation or your interactions with them).

The major pattern I see that you are describing is a sense of entitlement.  You felt you were entitled to whatever you negotiated for, and then you thought you were entitled to them being upfront with you and giving you what you wanted.

But you aren't.

Thank you Robert.

Some nuance is needed : I only negotiated to have a raise later if I were to improve my skills enough. And I got that written in the second version of the contract. But I told them I was willing to take the contract as is.

Yes I do underestand that employer have no decency at all - it's all survival and I hold no value in their eyes they don't bother considered me as a human being. I do disagree with that because I hope as we get more green we actually get some decency in the corporate world.

Usually, if you make an offer here it's pretty official, once you make an offer you do not go back unless you go bankcrupt or a disaster happens. It's a dick move. I've checked with everyone I know they were pretty shocked.

So no, did not expect them to accept the small changes I asked for and I don't think that was the issue in the end.

 

[Michael569]

11 hours ago, Lynnel said:

In America maybe, but here we have a more chill culture + it was a average sized company.

I am in the UK and this is still a common practice  Americans are not that special when it comes to being dicks. 

[Annoynymous]

@Lynnel i can feel you man, don't get upset and don't give up. It's nothing to do with you. Maybe where you are applying has their own communication problem going on. Otherwise i don't find any reason behind that sort of behaviour. Don't take it personally, just let yourself provide some breathing space

[Lynnel]

On 13/02/2020 at 10:49 AM, Michael569 said:

I am in the UK and this is still a common practice  Americans are not that special when it comes to being dicks. 

Yeah I learned my lesson

Thanks for the support everyone ! See you arround

[remember]

@Lynnel also see it like that: thank god you didn’t get that job! if they sucked already there what do you think would be their standard behavior and company politics? they probably made space because there is already a better job waiting for you where they don’t treat people like that - you just have to be a little more patient. next time to be sure only believe them the moment the ink is dry.

Edited February 14, 2020 by remember