Do a lot of sex make women passive?

[Lubomir]

So I just discussed it with my gf and she told me, that she feel like she's getting more and more passive in sex when we are together.

Since I'm horny AF (in a good way), we have sex almost everytime when it's possible. And yes, I do feel like she somehow isn't that girl who she was before - in terms of sex (when we were dating and didn't spend so much time together). She was a lot more proactive, sometimes even did surprise me when she wanted to fuck at her workplace and so on :D.

But yeah, when we are longer together, she don't have energy for that anymore since I would fuck her anywhere, anytime... and I bassicaly do.

Don't get me Wrong :D, I'm not creepy "I wanna fuck girls" type. I just really enjoy it and when there's place for it, why not?

Also, it's not like she does not enjoy it too. She does and keeps telling me that 

So my question is: Do you recognize these things in your relationships too?

 

Right now we are both in different countryes, but I'm going to visit her soon. I wonder if I should cool myself a little bit?

I'm courious! 

 

[Parththakkar12]

Is it passive, as in, unable to assert her boundaries, or being more and more feminine and receptive? If it's the latter, you're in good shape!

[Shiva99]

This sounds like a classic case of the end of the honeymoon phase. It's normal to have more sex, and be very excited towards eachother in the beginning of a relationship, because hormones are on overdrive. After some time, you start getting used to eachother more, and it will wear off. This might very well be how she is as a person, and you might just have to accept that.

[Lubomir]

@Parththakkar12 Yeah I think so, I would bend toward the second option, but I think it can be both, she had problems with that in the past (setting boundaries). Will talk about it with her

@Shiva99 I don't know really. It can be, ofcourse, we are together just 1 year. 

2 hours ago, Shiva99 said:

This might very well be how she is as a person, and you might just have to accept that.

This might be huge. Yeah, I think that I just need to give her space from time to time to let her engage.
Because just today we were on Skype together and she suddenly started to be sexual. So yeah, I gues it's that!

[Shiva99]

11 minutes ago, Lubomir said:

@Shiva99 I don't know really. It can be, ofcourse, we are together just 1 year.

Yes, there is no set timeframe. One can be in honeymoon phase for 1 month or 5 years. The only factor that can influence how fast this period ends is how much and frequently you contact/see each other from the start. 

[Emerald]

Women are really excited about sex in the first part of the relationship because there is a feeling like the guy really wants to have sex with her. And this hits the right emotional notes to drive a woman crazy. And this is easy to do in the first few months of a relationship.

But often, especially if the male partner is just sexual in general, it can get very unsatisfying for a woman if she feels that you just want to have sex... and not specifically with her. That's when sex feels like a chore for women because sex is an emotional experience for women, more than it is physical.

So, if a woman feels like you want her in particular and you use your lovemaking to communicate that desire for her, she will feel emotionally stimulated and loved and very turned on. The motivation to have sex will be naturally high.

But if a woman feels like you mostly want sex to fulfill your need to cum, she will feel neutral or obligated about giving you that, but she won't experience that level of excitement and fulfillment. She will start to feel like your cum helper, which isn't a turn on because there is no intimacy there.

So, you'll have to learn to work with her pace (which will be slower), build anticipation, be romantic and loving with lots of non-sexual attention, learning to use sex as a conversation and means of expression as opposed to a race to orgasm, etc.

Otherwise, you won't be able to play her emotional instrument... which is what motivates women to have sex in the first place. Physical pleasure is so so for a woman, but emotional pleasure is absolutely transcendent. Women will never be motivated just by sexual pleasure alone. They have to be bathed in a soup of erotic emotions to feel sexual desire.

So, if all that's left for her in sex with you is physical pleasure, she's going to be bored and will feel both unsatiated and turned off. So, she may use fantasy (or in extreme cases infidelity) instead to get her emotional and sexual needs met. 

TLDR: Female sexual needs are actually emotional needs.

 

[Preety_India]

23 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Women are really excited about sex in the first part of the relationship because there is a feeling like the guy really wants to have sex with her. And this hits the right emotional notes to drive a woman crazy. And this is easy to do in the first few months of a relationship.

But often, especially if the male partner is just sexual in general, it can get very unsatisfying for a woman if she feels that you just want to have sex... and not specifically with her. That's when sex feels like a chore for women because sex is an emotional experience for women, more than it is physical.

So, if a woman feels like you want her in particular and you use your lovemaking to communicate that desire for her, she will feel emotionally stimulated and loved and very turned on. The motivation to have sex will be naturally high.

But if a woman feels like you mostly want sex to fulfill your need to cum, she will feel neutral or obligated about giving you that, but she won't experience that level of excitement and fulfillment. She will start to feel like your cum helper, which isn't a turn on because there is no intimacy there.

So, you'll have to learn to work with her pace (which will be slower), build anticipation, be romantic and loving with lots of non-sexual attention, learning to use sex as a conversation and means of expression as opposed to a race to orgasm, etc.

Otherwise, you won't be able to play her emotional instrument... which is what motivates women to have sex in the first place. Physical pleasure is so so for a woman, but emotional pleasure is absolutely transcendent. Women will never be motivated just by sexual pleasure alone. They have to be bathed in a soup of erotic emotions to feel sexual desire.

So, if all that's left for her in sex with you is physical pleasure, she's going to be bored and will feel both unsatiated and turned off. So, she may use fantasy (or in extreme cases infidelity) instead to get her emotional and sexual needs met. 

TLDR: Female sexual needs are actually emotional needs.

 

So true. The best advice ever.  ?

 

[Lubomir]

@Emerald I feel that and completely agree...

Right now I'm also doing no-fap and I can already feel more intimate with her even through text messages. I don't think I had sex with her for my sexual desires ever, it was always something deeper. But since I was huge "fan" of porn videos I tend to sometimes see her, for a glimpse of second, as something that I can manipulate with. It's really grose when I think about it...

I also had a lot of sex in my dreams, with different womens, doing what I want. But since I'm with her it's not so often.

I see it now, even though I love her, there was this addiction to sexual pleasure. And even though our sex is about emotions and intimacy, there's still these "programs" for me that I have in my head.
I'm doing no-fap for second week now and my dreams about sex with different womens stopped. Just today I had a dream where another one wanted to please me so bad no matter what, but I remembered my GF and couldn't allow it.

I'm happy for myself and even more happy that I can share these things with you, people on this forum. It's funny how quick we can found something new about ourselfs. And from "problems" of others shift to our owns...

So, yeah, thanks!

 

[Emerald]

29 minutes ago, Lubomir said:

@Emerald I feel that and completely agree...

Right now I'm also doing no-fap and I can already feel more intimate with her even through text messages. I don't think I had sex with her for my sexual desires ever, it was always something deeper. But since I was huge "fan" of porn videos I tend to sometimes see her, for a glimpse of second, as something that I can manipulate with. It's really grose when I think about it...

I also had a lot of sex in my dreams, with different womens, doing what I want. But since I'm with her it's not so often.

I see it now, even though I love her, there was this addiction to sexual pleasure. And even though our sex is about emotions and intimacy, there's still these "programs" for me that I have in my head.
I'm doing no-fap for second week now and my dreams about sex with different womens stopped. Just today I had a dream where another one wanted to please me so bad no matter what, but I remembered my GF and couldn't allow it.

I'm happy for myself and even more happy that I can share these things with you, people on this forum. It's funny how quick we can found something new about ourselfs. And from "problems" of others shift to our owns...

So, yeah, thanks!

 

I wouldn't say it's gross persay to just want sexual pleasure. It just isn't a turn-on for women.

It kind of goes from, 'a mutual expression of love, lust, and intimacy' to 'Okay. Time to do my girlfriend chore and help him with his cumming again.' 

So, if you want to keep the fire burning for her, you have to find sustainable ways to keep her emotionally stimulated. There has to be a bit of push pull, and a communication of desire for her presence. Also, lots of non-sexual affection and flirtation.

But no-fap (and more specifically) sexual transmutation will help you stop losing your libidinal energy to base sexual pursuits. You can use that energy toward any kind of creative or loving pursuit.

Also, an attractive man is like a lion tamer with a lion.

The most attractive "lion-tamer show" is one with a very fierce lion but also a lion tamer who is very skilled at taming lions. 

So, your sexual desire makes you a very fierce lion because your lower nature is virile. But your lion tamer could probably use some work to gain more agency over the lion. And that combination of very fierce lion and very skilled lion tamer is something that women respond well to. It hits the right emotional buttons.

 

 

[Lubomir]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

I wouldn't say it's gross persay to just want sexual pleasure. It just isn't a turn-on for women.

 

I ment "gross" like - idea of me using her just for pleasure while she is not doing that.

 

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

Also, an attractive man is like a lion tamer with a lion.

The most attractive "lion-tamer show" is one with a very fierce lion but also a lion tamer who is very skilled at taming lions. 

So, your sexual desire makes you a very fierce lion because your lower nature is virile. But your lion tamer could probably use some work to gain more agency over the lion. And that combination of very fierce lion and very skilled lion tamer is something that women respond well to. It hits the right emotional buttons.

I understand. Yeah, my lion tamer need more practice in this.

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

So, if you want to keep the fire burning for her, you have to find sustainable ways to keep her emotionally stimulated. There has to be a bit of push pull, and a communication of desire for her presence. Also, lots of non-sexual affection and flirtation.

But no-fap (and more specifically) sexual transmutation will help you stop losing your libidinal energy to base sexual pursuits. You can use that energy toward any kind of creative or loving pursuit.

 

Yes, I'm counscious about that 
And yes, I can see that I have a lot more energy.

[Applegarden]

It really depends on the girl however, do more intimate (not necessarily sexual activities with her). Give her a good massage, rub her with some aroma oils or whatever, cook her nice dinner, cuddle, or try even tantra or something. Spend some time with sielence with her and just enjoy each others presence maybe have a really deep emotionally releasing conversation or other relationship techniques to get each others point across and compromise where you both feel ok. What you can do however is to just be aware of you urges more and see that you don't neccesarily need to do it every time when you need to do it. Try to make conscious decision even if she is there don't engage sometimes, maybe it will happen more spontaneously and from her initiative and will to go on you.

[Lubomir]

1 hour ago, Applegarden said:

It really depends on the girl however, do more intimate (not necessarily sexual activities with her). Give her a good massage, rub her with some aroma oils or whatever, cook her nice dinner, cuddle, or try even tantra or something. Spend some time with sielence with her and just enjoy each others presence maybe have a really deep emotionally releasing conversation or other relationship techniques to get each others point across and compromise where you both feel ok. What you can do however is to just be aware of you urges more and see that you don't neccesarily need to do it every time when you need to do it. Try to make conscious decision even if she is there don't engage sometimes, maybe it will happen more spontaneously and from her initiative and will to go on you.

Exactly. We do this together or for the other one often, like everything you listed  and more. We for example love to take psychedelics together 3/4 times per year and just talk or "be".

So in my opinion we are doing great in area of intimacy  

What I found is just me not being 100% conscious all the time when it comes to sex.

[SickLuv]

20 minutes ago, Lubomir said:

Exactly. We do this together or for the other one often, like everything you listed  and more. We for example love to take psychedelics together 3/4 times per year and just talk or "be".

So in my opinion we are doing great in area of intimacy  

What I found is just me not being 100% conscious all the time when it comes to sex.

same "problem", in fact. I m the higher sex drive. But anyway, I'll focus on other things, best is not always.

 I meditated really on "high quality realm of life",  meaning stop having false expectations.

life you won't love to be the lesser sex drive, and imagine your girlfriend want you all the time, no good neither.

after reflexion, it needs to be anchored in a higher realm of love, and not fear of lack.

& most guys don't do the building/effort ( including me ) for making their girlfriend more horny than during the early stages.

I think we need to make us still desirable in a way or another.

but as I improve myself and think of my behavior and thinking all the time, I know my own issue, I can be 24/7 mindful, but I like "controled unconsciousness" and don't blame it, it's useful after observation.

So I think the idea of opening both to personnal growth, we a male way and a girl way, you just need to be honest and clear, confident about where you want to go.

I m living kind of close of your loop, one year next week, same driving issue.

though she is younger than me, and I have my issues with neediness for sex ( but it makes me go for porn once in a while, not good, but she knows and she doesn't care that I fap on porn sometimes )

, but she has a lot to work on too, she is a little flower that need water, I'll need to be patient and keep focusing on my "higher self". (I m 26, she is 20) and she never did psychedelics ( but very open to it, just didn't have the moment for it )

Edited February 14, 2020 by SickLuv

[Applegarden]

Just now, Lubomir said:

Exactly. We do this together or for the other one often, like everything you listed  and more. We for example love to take psychedelics together 3/4 times per year and just talk or "be".

So in my opinion we are doing great in area of intimacy  

What I found is just me not being 100% conscious all the time when it comes to sex.

I don't think i can give you advice then, probably appceptence from your side and underestanding some times do come to an end. And the factor always be you don't know what you don't know, which is the deep issue in you and her (maybe, just guessing but a thing to think about also), she could not be aware of what is causing that passiveness and not really interested to change even if she says she is, or your projection that you think you need more and no less, then its a problem. Hope everything goes along well for you!

[Meetjoeblack]

A fear men have is getting cut off from the wife. Later to find out more about past indiscretions.

I don't think marriage or monogamy is natural. Furthermore, the economic fallout is not for me.

If I have a partner who is not sexual, I am out. I think I associate sex and love. As in, that genuine desire from a woman. Not only is it a huge deal to me but what better way! Not that it's the only way. Just a huge deal.

[Meetjoeblack]

On 11/02/2020 at 3:10 AM, Lubomir said:

So I just discussed it with my gf and she told me, that she feel like she's getting more and more passive in sex when we are together.

Since I'm horny AF (in a good way), we have sex almost everytime when it's possible. And yes, I do feel like she somehow isn't that girl who she was before - in terms of sex (when we were dating and didn't spend so much time together). She was a lot more proactive, sometimes even did surprise me when she wanted to fuck at her workplace and so on :D.

But yeah, when we are longer together, she don't have energy for that anymore since I would fuck her anywhere, anytime... and I bassicaly do.

Don't get me Wrong :D, I'm not creepy "I wanna fuck girls" type. I just really enjoy it and when there's place for it, why not?

Also, it's not like she does not enjoy it too. She does and keeps telling me that 

So my question is: Do you recognize these things in your relationships too?

 

Right now we are both in different countryes, but I'm going to visit her soon. I wonder if I should cool myself a little bit?

I'm courious! 

 

Sounds like either too comfortable or lowering interest levels. 

There's no ambivalence in genuine desire. I went back to a girls place and she clawed off my clothes like a wild animal. She threw my shirt which was funny. It took a half hour to find lulz! 

I had nail marks in. My back for weeks. It was fun but short lived. I suspect short term flings are more explosive but timely ltr have lulls which accompany familiarity. There's excitement in mystery with a random that monogamy incapable of bringing. 

What (if anything) else does the ltr provide beyond sex? Weigh in on the following. The lack of genuine interest in proactively engaging would get played out for me fast. 

[Arcangelo]

21 hours ago, Meetjoeblack said:

I think I associate sex and love.

Sex = Love in my book.

Why?

Because if a woman loves me she will have sex with me but if she doesn't see that Sex = Love, she can very well tell me: -''Arcangelo I love you, but I am gonna have sex with my Ex because is just sex, but I love you deeply'' And I swear that's how SOME OF THEM  think. For example my dad, he is a player (he's got a lot of $$$) and he has girlfriends.  And when they are in bed with my dad they tell him how much they love their boyfriends.

Another dad story: When he was young he had a rotation right, but the girls will sometimes tell him: -'' Oh we can't hang out with you because we are going with such and such (a guy) to this cool place''

What would my dad do?

He would plan a better trip so they would ditch the other guy

Example: -''We are going to the club''

Dad: -''Forget that you are going to the beach with me, and we are staying the whole weekend''

Them: -''OK''

 

Sex = Love in my book

 

 

[Ananta]

4 hours ago, Meetjoeblack said:

What (if anything) else does the ltr provide beyond sex?

You can't think of anything a ltr provides, except sex? Your kidding, right? 

I think you're addicted to pick up. From the way you talk it seems like you get a dopamine rush from "seeking, finding, scoring, dumping" and it doesn't mean much else to you. The women don't mean anything to you. So, in that sense, of course you can't see, nor understand, nor appreciate the benefits of an actual caring/loving relationship. 

Maybe one day you will grow out of this, because at the end of the day it's not truly fulfilling, no matter how much you say it is. Just like an addiction isn't really fulfilling. It's an itch you can never quite scratch. All the sex in the world isn't worth it, if you live a life of never being truly loved.

 

[Meetjoeblack]

3 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Sex = Love in my book.

Why?

Because if a woman loves me she will have sex with me but if she doesn't see that Sex = Love, she can very well tell me: -''Arcangelo I love you, but I am gonna have sex with my Ex because is just sex, but I love you deeply'' And I swear that's how SOME OF THEM  think. For example my dad, he is a player (he's got a lot of $$$) and he has girlfriends.  And when they are in bed with my dad they tell him how much they love their boyfriends.

Another dad story: When he was young he had a rotation right, but the girls will sometimes tell him: -'' Oh we can't hang out with you because we are going with such and such (a guy) to this cool place''

What would my dad do?

He would plan a better trip so they would ditch the other guy

Example: -''We are going to the club''

Dad: -''Forget that you are going to the beach with me, and we are staying the whole weekend''

Them: -''OK''

 

Sex = Love in my book

 

 

I hear stories about married men being cut off.

It wouldn't be long and I would be out cold approaching. It's not a threat or ultimatum. It is a big deal and it is a prerequisite. The idea of a marriage sanctioned by the state where someone can cut me off, take my kids, and resources is beyond laughable. Not happening.

As a bachelor, anything but genuine desire is met with more pickup. It is the absolute solution to all "girl/ltr problems."

 

It's absolutely bizaro world reflecting on life before and after pickup. The most ridiculous thing is that, based on the cards you are dealt and running game can change any man's life.

Even if a man is seeking a wife and white picket fence, kids, etc lots of pickup, options, and choosing after knowing what you want is ideal.

I don't know what TS is searching for but, a gf lacking in genuine interest and desire would be a deal breaker.

Edited February 19, 2020 by Meetjoeblack

[Meetjoeblack]

1 hour ago, Anna1 said:

You can't think of anything a ltr provides, except sex? Your kidding, right? 

I think you're addicted to pick up. From the way you talk it seems like you get a dopamine rush from "seeking, finding, scoring, dumping" and it doesn't mean much else to you. The women don't mean anything to you. So, in that sense, of course you can't see, nor understand, nor appreciate the benefits of an actual caring/loving relationship. 

Maybe one day you will grow out of this, because at the end of the day it's not truly fulfilling, no matter how much you say it is. Just like an addiction isn't really fulfilling. It's an itch you can never quite scratch. All the sex in the world isn't worth it, if you live a life of never being truly loved.

 

I had the best pickup ever more recently. It put wind in my sales. She's a proper stunner. She was smitten. I look forward to seeing her again soon.

It is a addiction. I agree or maybe I'm making up for lost time lulz. I have never been more brutally honest about how I am, my view in life nor my approach.

I'm not Chad. I am not a model. I am not DiCaprio nor rich. I am definitely not a porn star and yet, pickup changed my dating life. The alternative is what? Pornhub? Just wait? Society lies to young men.

Anyway, maybe I grow up one day and out of this. Outlook not so good but, if and when I do, you will be the first to know as promised. Maybe even send out the wedding invitation lulz SrS!

 

Also, my commentary on a particular mod wasn't you for the record. Another is targeting me unjustly. Cheers!