Is awareness inherently dissociative?

[from chaos into self]

I'm thinking that if I exist without awareness, I am dissociated from my surroundings and myself. So I practice awareness to find grounding and be my authentic self. But I notice, when I am aware of one thing, I lose focus on another thing. The act of focusing my attention sacrifices general awareness, and the act of opening up my attention loses that focus I was just practicing. 

 

And then deeper, was I not better my authentic self with no awareness whatsoever? To seek awareness at all removes the mind from the body and dissociates from instinct.

 

It seems to me that awareness will always come with dissociation, much like they say measurement biases the experiment in physics. 

 

What do you think?

[PenguinPablo]

Regarding dissociation specifically I walk a very thin line.

Experientially, proper awareness feels more integrating, while dissociation masquerading as awareness has a subtle aversive quality to it that feels unnatural, forced.

[remember]

i think you are on the right track and i feel you might be on the right track but i also think you need to understand that there is no „from chaos into self“ as there is nothing except chaos.

the point is to start training on flexible awareness - mind awareness, body awareness, awareness of the senses, there is so much to train and much more to train to get into a flow state of changing and adapting awareness.