Mushroom Trip Report: 2g to Realize How Little I Know About Anything

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

It’s been less than 24 hours and it’s already hard to remember all the intricate details of my mushroom experience yesterday, but I will try my best to recall as many details as I can

Set: Calm mind for the most part, had tripped on 1g of Psilocybe Cubensis 2 days prior. Some background anxiety and fear (about life in general) going on but not pronounced. Was unsure of how 2g would affect me since of potential tolerance to my recent mild dose which only brought about subtle trip effects, mainly a body high with a slightly trippy headspace.

Setting: Secluded beach north of San Francisco, near Point Reyes National Seashore. No crowds of people here, empty for the most part since it is so far off the main drag. 

Intention:

-Be more present during the deep parts of the trip

-Question the mushroom more, be more open to new answers

-Become conscious of how reality is being constructed 

-Transcend my everyday thinking patterns that cause unwanted suffering

 

*Times are rough estimates mostly:

3:00pm- Dosed the mushrooms in the car before arriving at the beach, 2 whole dried mushrooms weighing roughly 1g each, with a ginger tablet for digestion. The mushroom taste never bugs me like others report. It doesn’t taste good per say, but I have no problem chewing them thoroughly. Set up a towel with some snacks on the beach by some sand dunes.

3:30pm- Was walking near the ocean with my bare feet, I began to feel weird sensations in my body. The wind felt very strong blowing by the water, I began to feel uncomfortably cold, with a little background anxiety coming on. Really was focusing on deep nasal breathing which calmed me a bit. When I walked further inland to my towel, it was the opposite, no winds, just extreme silence, this transition was borderline overwhelming for my psyche knowing the mushrooms hadn’t really started to kick in fully yet. 

4:00pm- Walked up on the sand dunes behind my towel, peed by some bushes, I remember I started having thoughts about what my “story” would be writing my trip report later. I would think how I would most accurately recall this experience into words to express it best I could. Then I started feeling guilty about this. I started feeling guilty thinking about the forum, like I was “confusing the map for the territory” I began thinking and saying outloud “fuck that shit” over and over and just desperately wanted to be present and forget everything else. Problem is I couldn’t do this. This was a prevailing theme for the trip, that my ego mind, identification with my thoughts, could not silence. 

4:30pm- Laid down on my beach towel, and started becoming so thankful and appreciative about the emotional difficulty and background fears I had just faced during the come up phase. I was like “thank you so much” saying out loud, feeling like this was the mushrooms gift to me, making me stronger this way. So I layed back on my towel, put my arm over my eyes and started to watch the fractal patterns. Every time I eat mushrooms I see the SAME PATTERNS! Mechanical fractals, almost flower-like, spiraling and transforming in the blackness. Almost a faint gold color. The weird thing is, after my first time noticing these on mushrooms, I can see them in my day to day life with my eyes closed if I focus hard enough, although they are extremely elusive. When tripping, they just become extremely pronounced and even project on to surfaces, such as becoming tattoos all over my skin during previous trips. Anyway, back to the current experience. As I layed with my eyes closed watching, I felt no fear, and was thinking about how this beautiful psychedelic imagery is something I love so much and am intrigued so deeply by, but at the same time am usually fearful to be present with and observe. Why? I think my ego is always scared of getting sucked in too deeply. I suddenly open my eyes to look at the beach, and I become overwhelmed with the transition to the external scenery. I began to feel fear when I checked the time and realized it was only an hour and a half after dosing, and it had felt like so much longer. Again I return to my breath and my vision starts to slowly adjust to the bright sunlight.

5:00pm- I began contemplating a sea dollar I found. I was questioning how the flower-like pattern could be there, so symmetrically placed. It seemed so much like a human design, but yet it was completely untouched by man. I was thinking “what is this” over and over. 

5:30pm- This is when I entered the deepest levels of consciousness. The sun started setting and began walking toward it on the beach, again barefoot, feeling the cold energy of the earth. I started questioning my life purpose. I wanted to communicate with the mushroom, like Terrence Mckenna had always talked about. In the background I knew this is just communication to my higher self. I began thinking questions in my mind, almost pleading for answers, “what is my life purpose”? I heard nothing. “Why can’t you tell me what my future holds?” And I just waited for a split second trying to be as open as I could to a higher answer. And boom, I got a sudden “download” along the lines of “If you knew your path already, there would be no point of life playing out. That's the whole point and beauty of life, not knowing what the future holds but having it play out organically as time goes on”. Then this is when words can’t describe what I was feeling, I didn’t feel like a human anymore, I was contemplating so deeply what reality was and how it was being constructed, and I got another download “You don’t know anything at all”. And I just accepted that. I just felt like such a limited, finite animal being. I felt so limited in my human body, almost like a primitive caveman. All the dualities of animal and human went out the window. 

From here the trip got less intense, but overall it left me with way more questions than answers. I couldn’t transcend my ego mind at all. I never entered a deep fear or state of panic, but it was like all my subtle background fears in life were pronounced and I couldn’t enter a state of peace or bliss. While I know I shouldn’t get down in the dumps about this, it's hard not to feel a little disappointed in myself that I was such a slave to my negative thoughts. I know the answer here is loving myself more, as much as an uphill battle as that seems at times. There was so much profundity in my deepest state staring at the sunset, but trying to capture what I was feeling in this report seems futile. So many details have left my mind already, but I feel it was the closest I ever came to transcending my human form. Maybe I just wasn’t ready for the next level of higher understanding.

 

Heres some pictures of my scenery during the trip: Didn't take these, found them on the web. Was too busy in the trip to take pictures or work my phone. 

Up on the dunes, my towel was just below the hill on the beach side: 

 

Sunset (almost exactly how it looked yesterday) when I was standing by the shore looking at it and questioning deeply:

 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

Was questioning what this was, how is this pattern possible? Like, what is the essence of this pattern, how does this just exist as it is with no human tampering? 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

I've had insane dreams the last 2 nights after tripping, like more dreams than usual, more vivid, better recall, and seeming like one night of sleep felt like an entire month or something, can anyone else relate?

[fridjonk]

Awesome trip report!  

Next up, silent darkness might be better if you want to work on your self more. But the outside experiences are undeniably so insane. But I myself find I get more "spiritual work" done when inside. I'm about to do a Mushroom + MDMA trip this or next week, it will be done in silent darkness. Interesting to read this beforehand. As it's been over 2 years since I've done Mushrooms; only been doing LSD. 

[TrynaBeTurquoise]

47 minutes ago, fridjonk said:

Awesome trip report!  

Next up, silent darkness might be better if you want to work on your self more. But the outside experiences are undeniably so insane. But I myself find I get more "spiritual work" done when inside. I'm about to do a Mushroom + MDMA trip this or next week, it will be done in silent darkness. Interesting to read this beforehand. As it's been over 2 years since I've done Mushrooms; only been doing LSD. 

Thank you, appreciate the feedback. Doing them in silent darkness I know will be a challenge for me, but its probably what I need more than being distracted by a bunch of things in the environment. 

Hope your trip goes well, it sounds like an ideal combo for doing it in silent darkness. The MDMA should help open your heart up to pure love while the mushrooms do their work.