Most important questions to ask your partner?

[ElenaO]

I guess I'd ask what exactly do they want out of life. It gives an answer to multiple questions: how much have they actually thought about it, what their values are, where do they stand, what their dreams are. And you can also pay attention to how genuine they are when they answer.

[EternalForest]

@Martin123 

Let me clarify...

I'm not treating a relationship like a checklist, like if they don't check off all the boxes on the list, then I can't be with them. On the contrary, I'm asking for questions to discover more about your partner and accept them for who they are + grow with them. Questions are not the only way to do this, as you said just by spending time with one another many questions will be answered naturally.

What I don't like though, is when you said that the questions you ask reveal your own insecurities, demands and past scars. That's simply untrue. If the dynamic of a relationship is truly free and open, you won't jump to the conclusion that the motives of the question are toxic.

It's like when you ask someone for information and they say "Why do you want to know?" "If you don't tell me why you want to know, I won't tell you.". It makes you feel like that person must suspect the worst of you, and it makes you less willing to be intimate with that person. Granted, anyone can refuse to give information for any reason, but it's best if they're honest and just say it rather than tell you "I don't want to talk about it." when they really mean "I don't want to talk about it with you."

So overall, openness and honesty is the best policy.

[Martin123]

4 hours ago, EternalForest said:

So overall, openness and honesty is the best policy.

Of course. What’s beautiful about honesty is that you can really lead with example.

I am not suggesting not to have standards, but to point out that asking questions as it has been the trend in this threat (like what is your purpose or what do you want in life), are usually more revealing about the one who’s asking the question and not about the one who is being asked. 
it would actually be much more honest to share with a partner “you know purpose in life is something that is really important to me.” Rather then asking them about it.

what they will do with this information is completely up to them and this is the reason why this is the scarier option. They could literally not take in what you said and never support you in your LP endeavours, or they could hear it deeply and support your passion as a way of showing how much you mean to them.
 

With the question, there might be a tendency to avoid yourself.

With a statement about oneself, individuality and deeper intimacy are discovered.

[rNOW]

On 2/14/2020 at 3:31 PM, Elisabeth said:

@rNOW Good questions. I just wonder why "Do you want kids?" isn't on the list

 

Thanks @Elisabeth it's there on the list  

[Elisabeth]

@rNOW Oh yes I missed it, sorry!

[EternalForest]

@Martin123 Interesting, never thought about it that way! You have a unique perspective on things.

[Martin123]

@EternalForest Thank you! I love feeling appreciated! Haha

[Amandine]

"When's your birthday? What time were you born? Where?"

And then before the 2nd date sneak off to a psychic for a full reading on the person and compatibility forecast ?

Just kidding 

Edited February 18, 2020 by Amandine