Most important questions to ask your partner?

[EternalForest]

Now before you comment, just to throw it out there,

I'm not suggesting that you should treat every date like an interview or an interrogation, these are just questions to throw in from time to time to learn more about your partner and see how compatible your values and your outlooks on life are.

Secondly, I acknowledge that sometimes being with someone who is different than you can inspire a more interesting relationship, and you don't have to agree 100% on every single question. Obviously overall chemistry is the most important.

[rNOW]

Some I have come up with few of these after a terribly toxic relationship: (in no particular order)

- Are you close to your parents? What was your relationship with them while growing up? 

- Why do you seek a relationship?

- What is your ideal day? 

- If you had all the money, health and unconditional love in your life, what would you want to spend your life doing?

- What do you do in your free time? 

- When was the last time you cried?

- What is the question you wished someone asked you but nobody has?

- What does an ideal relationship look to you?

- Can you be alone for long periods of time?

- Are you afraid of death or illness?

- Do you wish to have children, if yes why, if not, why?

- What were your lessons from past relationships?

- Do you read? What books?

- What are your deal breakers in a relationship?

MOST IMPORTANT: How do you do things you don't like doing? Like cleaning the house, doing the dishes and laundry?

 

Disclaimer: You could scare away potential partners with these questions  

 

Edited February 10, 2020 by rNOW

[Elham]

"What's your purpose in life?"

[electroBeam]

"how high are your tostesterone levels"

[Preety_India]

I'll ask these questions on my future date. 

 

 

Why were you divorced? 

 

Are you from the pick up community? 

 

Why do you want a relationship? 

 

Do you do this to every girl? 

 

Are people(women) disposables for you? 

Are you good at triggering your lady love? 

 

Do you understand female nature? 

 

Are/Were you an asshwhole? 

If you're the type who always disagrees with me just to disagree then please let me know beforehand because my radar doesn't work very well. 

 

If you're the antagonizing, annoying, triggering, provoking type,  then no thanks, I can look for someone better. Let me know that too. 

 

 

 

(no second date) 

 

Edited February 14, 2020 by Preety_India

[Applegarden]

@Elham jjajajajajajajajajajaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Elham]

@Applegarden was it funny?

[Applegarden]

@Elham For me it is very funny, i bursted out when i read this. It is funny for me in a few angles:

• all the nonduality wars and arguments i engage in and others engage in like it matters or something, but maybe it does, depends on what you know about it, i guess, and the many valid ways to look at this that gets rejected by people in each others arguments, because they believe only they are right or just want to be right because that makes them look better (in some social gathering cases, i remember one guy was discussing how he doesnt agree with that mackenna guy and some other schools of non-duality, like he knows, and the fact that i think i know something also and choose to judge him, the whole saga is hillarious);
• the whole suffering pain-pleasure saga of my life where i really want to know the answer to that question, but how can you know and get answers, ofc somehow experientially where it happens from me randomly from time to time;
• I feel like this question has become a meme for me at the point because i have gotten far less serious about life in general, tho i still want to know the truth, maybe even more than ever, but the fact is i am getting very non-serious with arguing with people about life in general, i don't see why not, the burden of proof is on them and in them, usually when you share your intimate far out ideas you get dragged down to their "uuh, but it has to be logical" and get confused if you believe them.

Don't get me wrong its a valid question to find out some crucial info about somebody, depending upon if they are lying or telling the truth as they think it is. Idk if you hear an aswer like mine, you should run or something.

Don't take this personally tho, i laugh about the question not about you asking it or you in general.

Edited February 14, 2020 by Applegarden

[Elisabeth]

@rNOW Good questions. I just wonder why "Do you want kids?" isn't on the list

Some things I'd like to figure out early about a potential:

Are you able to be intimate? (This is more like a prerequisite, without connection he isn't even a potential.)

What kind of a relationship do you want? (ie. monogamous, nonmonogamous, cohabitating, etc.) Do you believe a relationship ought to last 'till death do us part'? (Too much jealousy is a dealbreaker for me right now, as are strictly traditional Christian beliefs.)

If this is gonna be a "serious" family-track relationship:

What are your goals? How are you pursuing them? (Not having goals outside of the relationship is a deal-breaker. Also having goals that make us incompatible ... obviously.)

Do you expect to live here all your life, or do you want to go abroad? What if I need to go abroad for my career, would you consider it? 

Do you want kids? What's your attitude about childcare, house work, gender roles? (This is a scary question, that maybe wouldn't be posed directly, but a must-know!)

Do you drink excessively? (dealbreaker)

Do you believe in god? What's your spirituality? Are you into personal development? 

How do you relax? What kind of vacations do you enjoy? (No need to go always together on vacation, but at least some intersection would be nice )

What do you like to do with your friends? (Not having friends is a deal-breaker, not having hobbies is a deal-breaker, having too time-consuming solo hobbies that I can't join... depends.) 

How is your family? How do you treat each other? How do you treat your exes? Can you treat all people with kindness and respect? (Realistically there will be individuals who press his buttons, but mostly, if he's nasty and disrespectful to some people like his business competitors or pour people or his exes, then his nature is nasty.)

How do you solve conflicts? What are your patterns, what are your beliefs, are we able to learn together? (That's the challenge every relationship has to figure out the hard way.)

If I lean on you in my emotional moments, is it draining to you? (This is my personal weakness, so if it is very draining, you'll have a hard time being my partner, sorry. I'm work in progress.)

In what areas are you aware that you are a work in progress? Do you actually make progress, or do I have to decide if I can put up with them forever? (Yup, I know, some things don't change.)

Hah. I should save this in case I am dating again

[Lento]

Here's the list of the questions I asked my girlfriend;

1) What makes "the perfect man" in your opinion?

2) What makes "the perfect relationship" in your opinion?

3) What makes "the perfect marriage" in your opinion?

4) Would you date/marry yourself as who you currently are? If not, why?

5) What are the foundations for both man and woman to have the best communication possible?

6) A lot of people think they're exceptional and that they will have perfect relationships. The truth is that virtually no one at all has it. Why is this the case? And how to avoid it?

7) Do you think that one successful partner could turn their unsuccessful partner/marriage into a successful one?

8) How to maintain love?

[Elham]

2 hours ago, Applegarden said:

in general, tho i still want to know the truth, maybe even more than ever.

So that's your purpose... 

[Applegarden]

@Elham Yes, but i was anwering your question of why is it funny (to me). Why did i react to your question in such a way, idk some impulsivity there to express myself, don't mind me.  Maybe i can give you some more exmples of why i think its funny, due to endless arguing with materialists... However, thanks and have a nice day!

[Elham]

@Applegarden that's fine 

 

[Raw Nature]

What lucid dream did you have last night?

Yeah I gotta have a mental relationship with my partner, if they're not as explorative as me mentally then its like shit let's just go virtual reality or a future robot woman (or just dating apps).

Edited February 14, 2020 by Raw Nature

[flume]

@Preety_India

You seem like you have tons of walls around your heart that no one could ever break through judging from all the posts I’ve read from you on this forum.

Just so you know, guys don’t care to pursue you if they feel like they can’t get through to you anyway. Being cold or distant doesn’t intrigue them. Even (and especially maybe) a very good quality man won’t put up with a ton of mistrusting behaviour. Good men value warmth, openness, receptivity and kindness.

There’s a difference between being high value and knowing what you want and being distant, distrusting basically afraid of what others can do to you. The line is a fine one often. I’m saying this to you because I used to be the same and I can sense the avoidance just in the way you write. You might wanna look into that, preferably with a therapist. All the best!

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, flume said:

@Preety_India

You seem like you have tons of walls around your heart that no one could ever break through judging from all the posts I’ve read from you on this forum.

Just so you know, guys don’t care to pursue you if they feel like they can’t get through to you anyway. Being cold or distant doesn’t intrigue them. Even (and especially maybe) a very good quality man won’t put up with a ton of mistrusting behaviour. Good men value warmth, openness, receptivity and kindness.

There’s a difference between being high value and knowing what you want and being distant, distrusting basically afraid of what others can do to you. The line is a fine one often. I’m saying this to you because I used to be the same and I can sense the avoidance just in the way you write. You might wanna look into that, preferably with a therapist. All the best!

I'm not this way in real life. I was being sarcastic in that post. Yes I did go through some bad experiences in the past and my attitude towards men changed after that. I'm not even looking into dating so I don't have to worry about what guys care about and what they don't. 

I'm very warm, kind, funny, smart and open and was this way always with the men I dated. 

Now I choose to be with the boyfriend I have. I am quite happy with him. 

Past relationships did hurt me. But I never allowed that bitterness to plague my current relationship. 

I don't carry resentment. I just get silly and sarcastic. 

And yes I keep boundaries for a lot of different reasons. 

Thanks for the advice. 

 

[Martin123]

If a partnership is really worth it, it will force you to set aside all your questions just as a way of exploring love and commitment towards another heart. In that way, a partner won't be conditioned by a set of questions, but it will be a space of the relationship where you both will be able to find answers.

If you're asking partner questions, while it is good to have boundaries, such questions often tell the story of: These are the things I define myself and my self-worth by, and if you don't match my demands, it will make me feel bad about myself and I will grow to resent you for the feelings I am too afraid to face."... It's not very romantic.

Imagine saying to your partner: I wanna be with you and love you, but I also wanna keep my judgments that will limit you to be the way I want you to be because I am afraid of letting go. If you wouldn't say this to your partner, maybe don't ask such questions as they ultimately mean the same thing.

So what's the most important question to ask then?
Personally, I like this one..

How was your day today honey? <3 

 

Edited February 15, 2020 by Martin123

[Nahm]

What do you need in life, and what do you want?

What do you need with me, and what do you want with me?

[Harikrishnan]

Do you know to roll a joint properly? 

 Great replies, some pretty good questions to ask. but i dont think answers they give to these questions will be exactly how they will be in relationship. All these question should be asked first to onself. 

[Harikrishnan]

On 14/02/2020 at 4:18 PM, Lento said:

Here's the list of the questions I asked my girlfriend;

1) What makes "the perfect man" in your opinion?

2) What makes "the perfect relationship" in your opinion?

3) What makes "the perfect marriage" in your opinion?

4) Would you date/marry yourself as who you currently are? If not, why?

5) What are the foundations for both man and woman to have the best communication possible?

6) A lot of people think they're exceptional and that they will have perfect relationships. The truth is that virtually no one at all has it. Why is this the case? And how to avoid it?

7) Do you think that one successful partner could turn their unsuccessful partner/marriage into a successful one?

8) How to maintain love?

How is the relationship going? 

Edited February 15, 2020 by Harikrishnan