Should I move to a new city or am I just repeating the past?

[Average Investor]

@zudrush I am not saying anything against exploring a new place. If you feel it will really help, then go for it! It might give you that drive you need to find everything you are looking for there. I have thought about moving myself, but I realize that I do have a lot of opportunity right here. But I do want to move eventually and try out some new cultures. 

I would say there is really unlimited information available here. You can access so many great minds with just a few strokes. But you have to know what to look for. I would really recommend investing in high quality books too. I have found a lot of life changing information and books are pretty cheap. Find the topics that you are wanting to advance in most. If you want some job promotions, then you could consider refining some skills from them too. Things like public speaking could help you gain the confidence and give you an edge over other candidates. You could also meet some new friends and such in clubs for things like that. 

I get that you might feel exhausted where you are at. Maybe your time at that place has run it's course for you. I hope that you find what you are looking for. 

 

[Consept]

Hey man, sorry to hear youre in pain at the moment. Just wanted to ask, im from the UK as well so whereabouts is the place where youre living and where are you looking to move to? Just so i can get a better idea of the situation. Also youve mentioned many times that things havent worked out or the designing jobs you were doing didnt make you any money, but without sounding too simplistic, there are people from all round the world that make money doing that on fiverr or upwork for example so theres definitely people who need these skills and would pay (i did last week) and also there are many people getting paid from doing these and many different jobs freelancing or even in normal jobs. So what im asking is what makes you or your situation different from them, as in why do you think theyve succeeded relatively speaking, and you, as you say havent? 

[flowboy]

On 9-2-2020 at 2:54 PM, zudrush said:

My intention was to get a meaningful education, make some friends, and make something of myself.

What is a meaningful education?

• Which one?
• Did you start one? How did it go? If something went wrong, what? How will you prevent that in the future?

Make what of yourself?

 

If you don't know these answers, how can you be successful?

What is success? Succeeding. Succeeding at what?

Do you see the problem here?

 

I recommend doing a proper retrospective at what you were trying to achieve, what went wrong, and what to learn from that.

After that, becoming way, way more goal oriented! That means, defining clearly what you are trying to do. Right now you are so vague, it's impossible to even know what succeeding would look like!

 

Apart from that, I think moving cities is fine. I say do it. Nothing wrong with fresh starts. Doesn't matter how many it takes, really.

But I think that you need to formulate a more specific goal than making "something" of yourself.

There is immense happiness to be gained from having a defined goal. Then you can track your progress, and feel proud of your achievement so far!

Also, once you have a goal, during the pursuit of that you will meet people with similar goals. And you will get along with them, because of those similarities. Socialization problem solved.

 

Edited February 22, 2020 by flowboy

[Robert Leavitt]

@zudrush TL;DR

Wherever you go...there you are.

You can't run from yourself.

Figure out yourself, and make your current situation amazing...then you can take that wherever you go instead.

[zudrush]

5 hours ago, Robert Leavitt said:

@zudrush 

You can't run from yourself.

Figure out yourself, and make your current situation amazing...then you can take that wherever you go instead.

I am trying to improve my existing life, not run from it. I took several weeks off last year to "figure myself out" and it was an expensive and stupid idea.

On 2/14/2020 at 1:48 AM, Consept said:

Hey man, sorry to hear youre in pain at the moment. Just wanted to ask, im from the UK as well so whereabouts is the place where youre living and where are you looking to move to? Just so i can get a better idea of the situation. Also youve mentioned many times that things havent worked out or the designing jobs you were doing didnt make you any money, but without sounding too simplistic, there are people from all round the world that make money doing that on fiverr or upwork for example so theres definitely people who need these skills and would pay (i did last week) and also there are many people getting paid from doing these and many different jobs freelancing or even in normal jobs. So what im asking is what makes you or your situation different from them, as in why do you think theyve succeeded relatively speaking, and you, as you say havent? 

I'm from the south. I am looking to move to a northern city like Liverpool, Sheffield or Leeds where property is cheaper. I've not succeeded in design because I haven't been able to build a social network or get training. To be fair those people on fiverr are only doing work like that as supplemental income and they will nearly always have a day job and a large network of established industry contacts. I wish I knew that before trying to work in the field.

18 hours ago, flowboy said:

What is a meaningful education?

• Which one?
• Did you start one? How did it go? If something went wrong, what? How will you prevent that in the future?

Make what of yourself?

 

If you don't know these answers, how can you be successful?

What is success? Succeeding. Succeeding at what?

Do you see the problem here?

Look how am I supposed to draw up elaborate plans and intricate objectives in isolation? To have extremely specific and precise goals requires a substantial amount of experience, exposure, vision, resource and support, and I just don't have that.

And why are you encouraging me to build definition when you are resisting it? Success is a fairly simple phenomenon; financial success means money, relational success means relationships, educational success means qualifications. Are you not able to define it yourself? Deliberately obscuring and subverting meanings is something I did as a child to get out of trouble. As an adult we already have established definitions. I'm TIRED, I don't want to play games where people hop around over blatantly simple concepts like success.

Here, I have no friends or family, no job as of Friday, no degree despite attempting it, a career filled with holes, and live in an isolated village with extremely limited access to transport. I'm a failure and my life is a wreck. I am still paying for decisions I made several years ago. That's not fair. Why can't I get a real chance for once at my life.

Do you think I'm just sitting around waiting for others to tell me what to do? I've gone out there and tried, and learned only what was obvious from the beginning: to have a chance at anything, you need a whole load of friends, family and money. It doesn't matter how friendly, intelligent or hardworking you are. Without that you are screwed.

I'm tired of turning up to interviews where the interviewer is 10 years younger than me and hopped into management because they're related to the managers. I'm tired of paying for courses where they take your money and tell you to figure it all out on your own. I'm tired of being punished every day for being powerless. I need real choices and chances in life to things and people that are meaningful on their own.

[flowboy]

You can move or you can stay. Your problem is not your location, your real problem is your victim mentality.

Observe how you argue yourself into the ground, making the point over and over that you are powerless and have no control.

I counted at least 7 statements of victimhood in your last post... can you spot them?

 

I feel for you. It sucks to be mentally stuck like that. I was like that once.

It can only get better from here.

 

But don't let yourself get distracted by your emotional reaction to what I said. We're all trying to help.

You'll pull through this, but you need to open your mind.

 

Watch these (again) and really try your best to not go into anger and resistance but pay attention.

I love you and I think you deserve to have what you want.

?

 

Edited February 23, 2020 by flowboy

[zudrush]

40 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You can move or you can stay. Your problem is not your location, your real problem is your victim mentality.

Observe how you argue yourself into the ground, making the point over and over that you are powerless and have no control.

Will you listen to me. The public transportation here is terrible and property has become unaffordable. That's nothing to do with mentality. Jobs have turned me down specifically stating my location. I only came here for a job and they laid me off, I tried leaving my last job for something better and to avoid the inevitable layoffs, and then the new company were suddenly laying people off. How do you think I can live like this.

Part of the reason I'm posting here is to try and get help. But I'm also trying to help myself face reality and posting here has helped me understand that I am not as far gone as I think, if anything my mental state is very positive if I'm able to formulate solutions.

If you are serious that I am not powerless here, prove it by offering rational solutions. Someone with a victim mentality would not be interested in hearing about that, yet that is all I have wanted to discuss. Disadvantages and disasters are facts of life and at least accepting them is better than denying they exist.

Look at how many things I've tried and how open I've been. I'm so downtrodden here that I have virtually nothing left to lose. That forces your mind to be open.