Is Wanting Kids & Marriage Egoic?

[PlayOnWords]

My girlfriend and I are on the cusp of breaking up because we want different things. It sucks. She wants the white picket fence, the dog, children and so on. I want Truth. I can't help but think her wanting kids and marriage is her looking for salvation in some future moment, but I don't think this will actually fulfill her. Not totally or permanently. I've tried to turn her on to personal development but she's just not into it/ready.

But I wonder, is having children and getting married purely ego? It all seems like attachment, false security and distraction to me. More on the marriage aspect, I guess. I can see how one would enjoy the challenges and love that comes with having children. But I do know of people who have tried to use their children as bandages for deeper wounds. 

What do you think?

Also, advice on what I should do/how to move on welcome. She is my best friend, and I don't have many other people in my life so I feel fearful about how alone I'm going to be.

[Deezeetho]

6 hours ago, PlayOnWords said:

My girlfriend and I are on the cusp of breaking up because we want different things. It sucks. She wants the white picket fence, the dog, children and so on. I want Truth. I can't help but think her wanting kids and marriage is her looking for salvation in some future moment, but I don't think this will actually fulfill her. Not totally or permanently. I've tried to turn her on to personal development but she's just not into it/ready.

But I wonder, is having children and getting married purely ego? It all seems like attachment, false security and distraction to me. More on the marriage aspect, I guess. I can see how one would enjoy the challenges and love that comes with having children. But I do know of people who have tried to use their children as bandages for deeper wounds. 

What do you think?

Also, advice on what I should do/how to move on welcome. She is my best friend, and I don't have many other people in my life so I feel fearful about how alone I'm going to be.

Who gives a damn? All desire is ego. 

I disagree. Maybe her wanting kids, family, a dog, and white picket fence is her truth. Its rare to see this especially when young. Its not common IME especially now a days. If she's legit,  proper, traditional, loyal, would be a great mom, and wife, I would entertain such possibilities. 

I meet mostly party girls. Bar stars. Lots of ONS. FWB or Netflix and chill. Entertainment of the following. Its hard for me to imagine anything serious on a long enough timeline. 

If you can't offer her what she's looking for, cut her loose. End it. There's a significant amount of autism and childhood delay. Its been common knowledge on fertility and egg quality. Its OK to be afraid. I've heard pro fighters discuss the fear of fatherhood. Its not a joke. Its real. 

I would do some soul searching. You sound mostly scared. If you aren't ready, that's OK. I am not either. I do want to be a father one day but the prerequisite I haven't ever found. The prerequisites are non-negotiable. 

If you found that, You might want to think about it longer. 

[Parththakkar12]

Can I tell you something? The quest for Truth, or what you call spirituality is also ego! Everything you do as a human being is ego. You're always chasing  something that you want. You'll see this when you start asking questions like 'Who is it that wants to awaken? Is that me? Why do I want awakening when I know it's gonna kill me?'

When I look at this, this seems more like you getting confused by spirituality. Awakening is something that happens spontaneously with no cause. It really happens when some part of you has what it wants, and is still suffering. Basically, you discover that getting what you wanted didn't make you happy. Then, you surrender to your suffering and your inevitable death. But, instead of dying, you become enlightened!

As a human being, you still have an ego with egoic desires. Denying your desires will not help any of your spiritual pursuits. Getting what you want is part of the grand scheme of awakening. Say you want a million dollars. You'll only know whether or not getting it will make you happy once you get it! That's when spirituality really begins.

If you feel like having a family will be a hindrance to your spiritual pursuits, then either you're using spirituality to deny that you want a family, or you don't want a family. If the latter is true, then I'd re-evaluate the compatibility of your relationship and decide accordingly.

[PlayOnWords]

Thanks guys. I can see how my post is a bit like "I'm right, she's wrong". I think it's just my frustration with the loneliness that comes with this path, as oppose to the conventional road of the typical human life.