Did a catch a glimpse of the Ox?

[Javfly33]

So, to make things sort, I went out to the city and saw a girl which I know, I don't know why but this girl and one previous which I "fell in love" with, triggered/triggers me some levels of emotional pain which I couldn't put into words to just being "emotions" or "feelings" or "thoughts". 

IDK, I imagine is a complex mechanism of the mind and a mixture of the three of the above mixes to create a sort of really fucked up momentarily sensations which overtake absolutely my mind while it lasts.

Over the time I've learned it has to be something related to low self-esteem and more conceptual neurosis of the identity, but while learning about it has given me some space and understanding, I've seen it hasn't make the "trigger" go away at all.

The thing is, I couldn't handle anymore to accept how reality could produce such levels of unexplainable emotional pain inside a person. Like how the hell reality can create such strange-impossible to label emotions. So what I started to do is I surrender. I absolutely knew this couldn't be possible, even though this feeling when it arises feels as real as a chair or the color blue of the sky, I just knew this wasn't possible. So I started saying

-I AM NOT THE BODY

- I AM NOT EVEN THE MIND

I went on for about 20 minutes straight. As the minutes went by I started to focus more on. The I AM. The I AM came with vibration. 

You have to realize than when this "emotions" arise , the last thing your ego wants you to is to actually let go and focus on some kind of meditation of mantra. The mind is fucking begging you to please look how real this feelings and emotions that I'm showing to you are so real! Look at this! Come here and suffer you son of a bitch!

But No!! I know Love is within me! 

So I continue, I AM I AM..etc

And then I got it. ----

+

For a second everything FELT ACTUALLY FINE .

My awareness INCLUDED those awful emotions into ISNESS

For a second a sensation that always arised a lot of pain the last year's, WASNT PAINFUL!!

IT wasn't bad! I think this is what happend:

By staying in I AM (my true nature) I stepped out of the biased mind, and saw that a "negative emotion" is only negative WITHIN THE MIND!!!!! WOW! You can actually see things unbiased! In the unbiased world there's no 'bad things!!

I GOOOOT IT. HAHA I wonder how is to live in this state 24/7 if staying in it for 2 seconds it's like touching the gates of heaven.

My true nature rocks And yours too :))

Edited February 7, 2020 by Javfly33

[Leo Gura]

Maybe one hair of the Ox's tail. 

Maybe.

[Forestluv]

11 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

For a second everything FELT ACTUALLY FINE .

My awareness INCLUDED those awful emotions into ISNESS

For a second a sensation that always arised a lot of pain the last year's, WASNT PAINFUL!!

You might have seen an Ox footprint. Or, you may have touched an Ox hair.

In that second in which everything was fine, did everything "feel fine" because the awful emotions went away? Or was a fineness revealed in the presence of "awful" emotions?

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, Serotoninluv said:

You might have seen an Ox footprint. Or, you may have touched an Ox hair.

In that second in which everything was fine, did everything "feel fine" because the awful emotions went away? Or was a fineness revealed in the presence of "awful" emotions?

@Serotoninluv  Yes! Yes! How can it be possible some people might say! But it´s possible!

"Awful" gets created as a reaction of the mind to a particular happening of the present moment. (But i haven´t said anything new, have I  )

[Forestluv]

16 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

@Serotoninluv  Yes! Yes! How can it be possible some people might say! But it´s possible!

"Awful" gets created as a reaction of the mind to a particular happening of the present moment. (But i haven´t said anything new, have I  )

Seeing a distinction between an awful feeling and an interpretation of it is an awful feeling is a big realization. This gets into distinctions between pain and suffering. For example, a dog can experience pain, yet it is not thinking "this pain sucks. If that pitbull across the street hadn't bit my tail, I would be ok.". There are simply appearances of uncomfortable sensations in the dog without labeling.

I'm also getting at something else that is unconditional. There is unconditional Fineness that is always present, regardless of conditions. It is unconditional. There is unconditional Fineness during laughter, boredom, joy and sadness. This is distinct from relative fineness that is conditional on emotions such as comfort and joy. 

[cetus]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Maybe one hair of the Ox's tail. 

Maybe.

A glimpse of one hair on the Ox's scrotum. Happy Friday!

[Forestluv]

Just now, cetus56 said:

A glimpse of one hair on the Ox's scrotum. Happy Friday!

Keepin' it Klassy 

[cetus]

6 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Keepin' it Klassy 

Just keeping it REAL

 

[cetus]

@Serotoninluv Taming the Bull. And not by it's horns.

[Javfly33]

36 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

Seeing a distinction between an awful feeling and an interpretation of it is an awful feeling is a big realization. This gets into distinctions between pain and suffering. For example, a dog can experience pain, yet it is not thinking "this pain sucks. If that pitbull across the street hadn't bit my tail, I would be ok.". There are simply appearances of uncomfortable sensations in the dog without labeling.

I'm also getting at something else that is unconditional. There is unconditional Fineness that is always present, regardless of conditions. It is unconditional. There is unconditional Fineness during laughter, boredom, joy and sadness. This is distinct from relative fineness that is conditional on emotions such as comfort and joy. 

@Serotoninluv Do you think that I´ll have to have the attitude I had today in each of my little neurosis and shadows my mind If I want to trascend the conditional view and stay more in the unconditional? Damn, for one hand the payoff seems very promising, in the other it seems incredible difficult to get there.

Like, people don´t say this, but meditation is relatively easy to maintain when you are sitting there just having a thought here or a thought there. Doing the same practice when your internal world is on fire, is another thing LOL. 

@cetus56 Lmao if the Ox just finds out you are talking shit about him 

 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Javfly33

[Nahm]

@Javfly33 ????

[Forestluv]

3 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

@Serotoninluv Taming the Bull. And not by it's horns.

Once this level of mastery is grasped, it's best not to let go. . . 

[Forestluv]

22 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

@Serotoninluv Do you think . . . 

I think you had a nice insight. It’s best I don’t stroke the Ox too much. 

I'd get in touch with it. 

[cetus]

On 2/7/2020 at 4:49 PM, Javfly33 said:

Lmao if the Ox just finds out you are talking shit about him 

 The tail of the ox is presented as a means for the ego to have something to grab onto. After that all I can say is hang on tight.

[Javfly33]

26 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

 The tail of the ox is presented as a means for the ego to have something to grab onto. After that all I can say is hang on tight.

?

[Nahm]

Teir 2 sneakery. 

[Javfly33]

45 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Teir 2 sneakery. 

@Nahm I' m always trying my best to get it but you guys talk like in hieroglyphics... Although I know is the only way to go, since the map is not the territory, explicit words could never point out what I need to discover ? 

[Nahm]

@Javfly33 Sorry...was just kidding, playing on the taming the ox jokes. The comment wasn’t about you. I’ll be a little more careful. ?? 

[Javfly33]

7 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Javfly33 Sorry...was just kidding, playing on the taming the ox jokes. The comment wasn’t about you. I’ll be a little more careful. ?? 

@Nahm  I was just sorting that out too