When Talking About MEN She Isn't Talking About YOU

[Forrest Adkins]

Any opinions on this?

[Preety_India]

 

He is regurgitating the same things that the average guy around the street would say. 

I'm baffled that he even has a Patreon. Rip off. 

He is saying all the obvious things that are already out there. Of course a woman is always looking for a high value guy. Every guy has to invest in self growth to get the woman he wants or else a lot of women are going to ignore.

Women are kinda business centric not in a bad way. They just want more value in life. She  likes the guy who adds the highest value to her life. 

It's natural survival instinct in women. 

 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Preety_India

[Florian]

@Preety_India No, I don't think the average guy is aware of that. To me it seems like he has a pretty good understanding about dating, sex etc. and also a good way of communicating it. His titles seem very clickbaity, but I think that's actually good and he might do that purposely cause they attract the type of guy who propably has a toxic view on woman and could need this. To me it seems like he isn't shitting on woman or anything (except for titles) and gives guys solid advice. Seems to me like the next step from stage orange pick-up, kinda yellow even I think, cause he definetly has this green attribute of intimate  relationships, but he knows that it just isnt going to work like "Let's all just love each other".

I actually came to this post because I literally watched the same exact video and wanted to post this guy on high conciousness ressources and then saw the title of the video on the Main Discussions site.

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Florian said:

@Preety_India No, I don't think the average guy is aware of that. To me it seems like he has a pretty good understanding about dating, sex etc. and also a good way of communicating it. His titles seem very clickbaity, but I think that's actually good and he might do that purposely cause they attract the type of guy who propably has a toxic view on woman and could need this. To me it seems like he isn't shitting on woman or anything (except for titles) and gives guys solid advice. Seems to me like the next step from stage orange pick-up, kinda yellow even I think, cause he definetly has this green attribute of intimate  relationships, but he knows that it just isnt going to work like "Let's all just love each other".

I actually came to this post because I literally watched the same exact video and wanted to post this guy on high conciousness ressources and then saw the title of the video on the Main Discussions site.

Maybe it's solid advice. I found it too generic not something to pay for. But glad you found him resourceful. 

(Glad I'm not married lol. ) 

His way of talking is smooth btw. 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Preety_India

[Hansu]

53 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

He is saying all the obvious things that are already out there. Of course a woman is always looking for a high value guy. Every guy has to invest in self growth to get the woman he wants or else a lot of women are going to ignore.

 

What he is speaking of is in no way obvious. Language is incredibly complex thing that women understand more of and men understand less of (Likely due to women's higher tendency to socialize)

Go to 4chan and look for threads about men trying to understand their female partners and women in general. You'll see how much there is lack of understanding of perspectives. Of course men think that a woman is speaking of them when a woman says "men"! Men are men and the average men think word means exactly what it means in dictionary

I wish Leo made a video about this exact topic. Not just in the dating world but politics too, I think so many misunderstandings are caused by either poor communication or poor understanding

Edited February 7, 2020 by Hansu

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Hansu said:

What he is speaking of is in no way obvious. Language is incredibly complex thing that is more about understanding perspectives than uttering words.

Go to 4chan and look for threads about men trying to understand their female partners and women in general. You'll see how much there is lack of understanding of perspectives. Of course men think that a woman is speaking of them when a woman says "men"! Men are men and the average men think word means exactly what it means in dictionary

Even Leo:s video on femininity and masculinity is basically just explaining feminine and masculine perspectives:

I wish Leo made a video about this exact topic. Not just in the dating world but politics too, I think so many misunderstandings are caused by either poor communication or poor understanding

What happens when the gender is reversed? 

Do you think when a man says women, is he talking about his woman? 

 

 

[Hansu]

10 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What happens when the gender is reversed? 

Do you think when a man says women, is he talking about his woman? 

 

 

Do you mean in the context of the opening post video? Where a man is being asked about relationship advice?

 

[Preety_India]

22 minutes ago, Hansu said:

Do you mean in the context of the opening post video? Where a man is being asked about relationship advice?

 

Yep. In the context of the video.. For the same scenario what happens when the genders are reversed? 

 

 

 

[w4read]

I see your point @Preety_India

From the pov of being what i consider a quite "feminine" man, I would actually make the same mistake of giving wrong advice. I would say to basically every girl "be nice and show that you are a trustworthy, empathic person". However, when I'm thinking about it, I actually tend to be attracted to different behaviors from different kind of women.

I would find that an average looking girl not nescessarily would be better of just being "nice", but actually show some confidence that would make me wonder if there's something else behind what i can see. 

A really beautiful girl i think i tend to like if she's nice, empathic and have behaviors that make me more comfortable. 

Thanks for making me conscious about that, I'll take this with me into the future.

[Preety_India]

39 minutes ago, w4read said:

I see your point @Preety_India

From the pov of being what i consider a quite "feminine" man, I would actually make the same mistake of giving wrong advice. I would say to basically every girl "be nice and show that you are a trustworthy, empathic person". However, when I'm thinking about it, I actually tend to be attracted to different behaviors from different kind of women.

I would find that an average looking girl not nescessarily would be better of just being "nice", but actually show some confidence that would make me wonder if there's something else behind what i can see. 

A really beautiful girl i think i tend to like if she's nice, empathic and have behaviors that make me more comfortable. 

Thanks for making me conscious about that, I'll take this with me into the future.

What a lot of men might not be getting is that discovering their inner manhood can go a long way than looking for approval from a girl or girls. I guess sometimes it's the low self esteem in men that makes them want the approval of many women to feel wanted and accepted and like a pro. But I guess some man with a higher self esteem will feel secure enough to just get the one right woman he wants. 

Now what if men took the whole dating thing as an elimination process rather than a method of getting maximum approvals and hits. What if a man thinks that every girl who rejects him wasn't meant for and through frequent rejections from several women till he narrows down to the one woman who is really attracted to him and wants him. That way he makes it like a narrowing down or elimination process like if you're searching a needle in a haystack. But first you'll need to remove the hay to see the needle. Same way he can ultimately find the right woman for himself who likes him and he won't feel dejected by the rejections because those rejections helped him find his perfect match or perfect woman for himself. But for that he will need a great deal of self confidence and self awareness and a stoic confidence in his manhood and identity. That way he is able to screen out unhealthy women who get attracted to the bad guys and get the normal healthy woman who is attracted to his good qualities. This way he has a chance to not only become the best version of himself but also attract the best version of the woman who is compatible to his values. 

Of course all of this would need a great deal of patience and persistence on his side but the fruits of his labor are going to be sweet. 

 

[Elisabeth]

I think the question is posed very badly. If you pose a bad question, you get bad answers. He gave no context. So the girls assume context. 

First bit of context they assume is, that attraction is already there. That part he got right. (Although I'd like to question the whole "high-quality guy" classification since my own measure of high-quality will be very different than my friends' judgement.)

Second, there's just so much covertness and dishonesty about dating in our culture, that yes, some openness is refreshing. That one he misses. 

Third, he's talking about vulnerability, but the question only asks about letting the woman know what you feel. There's a big difference between 

(a) "Would you go for dinner?" (Not saying anything about feelings. The woman is left to infer if this is even a date, and whether the intention is a one-night stand or a relationship or what.)

(b) "I've been interested in you for a while now. Would you go for dinner and see where it takes us?" (More is revealed about the guy's feelings, but he's clear about what next step to take.)

(c) "I admire you and I really wonder if you like me that way too." (Perhaps the most honest for that guy, but a real turn-off, since I'm asked to basically reassure him.)

When women speak about being straightforward and meeting them half-way, I'm convinced they talk about option (b) as opposed to (a). 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Elisabeth

[Hansu]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Yep. In the context of the video.. For the same scenario what happens when the genders are reversed?

 

I think it would be pretty much the same. Men would tell criteria they deem valuable in women, but leave out the fact that factors like looks of the potential partner is often bigger and more important factor than the hint they give out.

But its not an obvious thing. You only realize it when you think about it enough and the average male usually dont think about it enough. Thats also why they are average, lol.

 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Hansu said:

I think it would be pretty much the same. Men would tell criteria they deem valuable in women, but leave out the fact that factors like looks of the potential partner is often bigger and more important factor than the hint they give out.

But its not an obvious thing. You only realize it when you think about it enough and the average male usually dont think about it enough. Thats also why they are average, lol.

 

I think both genders tend to do this for giving a socially appropriate and acceptable answer. I'm not sure though. Because I still think that these women are not really lying and maybe It's just a perception in the dating world that women are not aware of what they really want or lie to themselves.. 

 

 

 

[Hansu]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Because I still think that these women are not really lying and maybe It's just a perception in the dating world that women are not aware of what they really want or lie to themselves.. 

I think its really a problem with communication. To quote @outlandish:

Quote

I think this is a core issue with language and communication; different parties will always have different connotations, associations, even definitions for words and phrases, since the dawn of language probably. And the context really matters too. It's pretty crazy to think about how much miscommunication is going on all the time.

I think women communicate less with definitions of the words and more on the level of expression and they read more on the context while men throw the context out of the window and focus like a laser on (their own) definitions. Like when woman says "I dont care about men with a lot of money". That doesn't mean that she wouldn't date a man with a lot of money, but that the money isn't what is what is the most important. But the average man would read that sentence like it was an absolute rule and then say that the woman is lying if she later finds an intelligent husband who happens to be rich.

Meanwhile where I live men often want their women to be like the ideal next door girl who is always happy and never bitches. Their demands are often tangible, something you can absolutely write down. If a man says "I dont care about women who are unintelligent" then that is often an absolute rule with no exceptions.

Its really about perspectives. Something Leo's masculinity vs femininity video bites on very well, I have to rewatch it again

[Derek White]

Nice video. It completely explains the confusion men face.

Yea women say they want love, but what does that really mean?

If they really want love why do they date assholes? Why do they get attracted to celebrities they never met? Why do they ignore nice guys who would love them?

It has a lot to do with survival, that means self-bias and manipulation on both sides.

[Preety_India]

35 minutes ago, Hansu said:

Like when woman says "I dont care about men with a lot of money". That doesn't mean that she wouldn't date a man with a lot of money, but that the money isn't what is what is the most important. But the average man would read that sentence like it was an absolute rule and then say that the woman is lying if she later finds an intelligent husband who happens to be rich.

Totally agree with this. 

 

[Forestluv]

He is conflating two areas, which causes his whole train of thought to be convoluted.

The question he is asking is: "If I want to increase a woman's interest in me, is it best to be open about my interest and let her know? Or is it better to try an be mysterious by not revealing my interest?". (However, this is not the question he actually asked women).

This is a very narrow question toward a specific outcome. Yes, this may feel vulnerable - yet he extrapolates this early in the video. He frames the issue as "Do women like guys who are open with their emotions and willing to be vulnerable?"  This is a much much larger question. This question involves forming emotional connections, intimacy, vulnerability and mutual support. Of course this level of openness is not appropriate during the first couple of dates. However, by limiting openness about emotions to only include whether or not to express your interest in a woman is a massive distortion. There is nothing wrong with the specific question about whether its best to be open about one's interest. That is a totally legitimate question. The problem is that he framed it broadly as "do women like a guy who is willing to be open about his emotions and to be vulnerable".

Let's look at the actual question he asked the women. 

"Do you prefer a man that is straightforward and tells you he likes you or someone who holds back and you feel like you need to earn his affection?".

Ugh. . . This question is a terrible way to ask either the broad frame or the narrow frame.

A good picture frame question to ask women "Do you like a man who is able to express his emotions and be vulnerable at times?". 

A good narrow frame question to ask women: "Would you prefer a guy who opens up emotionally and tells you he is interested in dating you? Or a guy who is mysterious about his desires toward you?"

Yet he didn't ask this. In particular, he added in "someone who holds back and you feel like you need to earn his affection". This is a major recontextualization and it distorts all his interpretations. Of course someone will choose the straightfoward option when it's phrased this way. 

To further emphasis this to make it more obvious. . . Imagine I asked a woman "would you like it if a guy made you feel like you are undeserving of his affection and that you need to earn his affection?". . . And after the woman said "No", I concluded that "women just say 'no', yet they actually like a guy who is mysterious by being emotionally unavailable and unable to express his emotions". 

I think the video is very misleading and the author has a low emotional intelligence. 

I've been on dates with women that were emotionally immature and couldn't express their feelings - this can be really annoying. I've also been on dates with women that were emotionally mature, in touch with their emotions and created flirtations emotional weaves that were so intriguing and intoxicating. When someone is emotionally mature and grounded, s/he doesn't need to literally say "I like you. I hop you also like me". There are ways to indicate indicate interest that in nonverbal and enticing, yet this guy aint on that level. 

 

 

[Deezeetho]

13 hours ago, Preety_India said:

He is regurgitating the same things that the average guy around the street would say. 

I'm baffled that he even has a Patreon. Rip off. 

He is saying all the obvious things that are already out there. Of course a woman is always looking for a high value guy. Every guy has to invest in self growth to get the woman he wants or else a lot of women are going to ignore.

Women are kinda business centric not in a bad way. They just want more value in life. She  likes the guy who adds the highest value to her life. 

It's natural survival instinct in women. 

There's a problem in the shitty advice parrots in group think and real life. 

Eg "be yourself. " followed by being the forty year old virgin. It's not useful nor practical. 

I got a bunch of numbers today ages 18-25. They looked good. Hair and nails done. Cute. I will Netflix and chill. If they are cool after, I'll let it ride but, bachelor life is too much fun. There's shitty advice parrots out there. I don't know what advice is given to women. I know what advice is given to men is a one way ticket to pornhub. 

There's globalism in the job market. Its similar with dating. Anybody can msg anybody over IG. I actually value traditionalism but its the wild west dating now a days. 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Deezeetho said:

There's a problem in the shitty advice parrots in group think and real life. 

Eg "be yourself. " followed by being the forty year old virgin. It's not useful nor practical. 

I got a bunch of numbers today ages 18-25. They looked good. Hair and nails done. Cute. I will Netflix and chill. If they are cool after, I'll let it ride but, bachelor life is too much fun. There's shitty advice parrots out there. I don't know what advice is given to women. I know what advice is given to men is a one way ticket to pornhub. 

There's globalism in the job market. Its similar with dating. Anybody can msg anybody over IG. I actually value traditionalism but its the wild west dating now a days. 

It's not for everyone. Trust me. 

I am not seeing a lot of people into this wild west dating. As with everything else there are different schools of thought, different upbringing and different approaches to dating as well. 

 

[Deezeetho]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

It's not for everyone. Trust me. 

I am not seeing a lot of people into this wild west dating. As with everything else there are different schools of thought, different upbringing and different approaches to dating as well. 

I am not following. Elaborate! 

You don't see promiscuity and the tinder apps? Its hookup barrage. Its not long term. Its flings. The concept of a app is merely sex appeal. You don't value personality on a app. Maybe you don't use apps. I prefer meeting naturally. My point is its a fling. Its not common people use apps for serious relationship. 

I value traditionalism. I am a conservative. My parents are married still. I believe in God. I need to go to confessional. I am definitely not the best Christian. A bunch of girls gave their number today. Hair and nails done up. Leggings like every girl in the UK. We're  having a flirt. The entire time she's typing her number in my phone, I am honestly thinking about how great sex is going to feel when. 

I don't necessarily agree with the video. I am just saying, there was no being vulnerable or telling any of the girls about my feelings. If anything, I was cocky. Anything they said was interpreted as her hitting on me or a sexual advance. Another I accused of dropping candy trying to lure me back to her gingerbread house. Another girl invited me in after the bar for "coffee." It was 3am. 

19 hours ago, Preety_India said:

What happens when the gender is reversed? 

Do you think when a man says women, is he talking about his woman? 

There's actual analytics on the following. Particularly, patterns on which way men and women vote. There's analytics on your social media and they can nearly guarantee which way you vote. Simply, age, gender, and the content of your social media (likes, posting, content ETC). I don't doubt that for dating and a number of things. 

Be bold. Be blunt. Take risks. Take your shot. Yolo! All better alternative advice then the present talking point's to men. I am sure better videos exist.