I love life so much but not having a purpose is unbearable

[Kaity]

I've tackled all kinds of pleasures of life and tried to indulge in things that feel good but can't stay attracted to anything. This desire to tune into whatever the heck I'm here to do is above everything else and I can't enjoy things without having found this "element." It feels like I'm forcing myself to do almost everything in everyday life, waiting for something larger to click and consume me. I've crossed continents to find myself and this purpose but I'm as behind as ever. The only thing I know is that I can't last much longer without channeling this Thing and dedicating my life to it. I don't care about relationships, money, luxury, sex. I've used these things long enough as distractions to procrastinate tuning into myself but they've never been and never will be fulfilling if I don't find what I'm looking for. 

The most frustrating fact is that I've been chasing this Thing my entire life. I took the Life Purpose Course when I was 19, then again last year, at the age of 23. I have realized that my work needs to revolve around serving and helping others directly. I started studying psychology but thanks to our genius university systems, I'm as detached from the subject as students of accounting major are. It will take years for me to have actual experience with people in need. But I can't wait that much longer. I need something to wake up for now. I feel absolutely worthless in life and my self-value is so low that I struggle to even find a minimum wage shit job. It feels like something in me is trapped and if I don't release it in time, it'll explode and take me with it. 

The funny thing is that the world around me is in so much need for caring people and activities, yet, here I am, eager to put myself in service of others but somehow I'm so clumsy at life that I can't even get myself into a volunteering work. Everything is a huge challenge for me, everywhere I encounter competition, or that I'm not qualified or certified enough or whatnot. It's hard not to feel completely useless, especially when I still haven't realized in exactly what way I would like to help people. I'm really not sure how much longer I can bear this emptiness and being lost. I'm 24, which is not that old but I'm already noticing certain things about my personality/abilities decaying and if I don't do something soon, it will be impossible to change these patterns later on. 

I used to be full of life, creative. Loved arts and photography and always had some sort of projects going on. But ever since I went after exploring who I REALLY am and tried to find what was my real purpose in life, I lost every connection I had with these hobbies. Now I have nothing to show, no skill, no work. Just a student status to cover up how lost and off the path I actually am. Sometimes I ask myself if my mind is way too intoxicated already from enough "I can't"s and obstacles that I can never achieve the state of flow and purpose. 

Not exactly expecting anything here. But sometimes calling myself out openly makes me more accepting and helps slightly. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by Kaity

[AdamDiC]

I feel for you I'm in the same boat just a few years younger. It is hard to find purpose, or to create one from scratch. But that's what we are here to do. Create what we love. remember you don't have to do anything. Start connecting with Being. Just sit with yourself and connect to your heart. Ask yourself questions everyday. If you really want to find your LP you will. I've noticed in my life that the reasons I'm not getting good results is becuase deep down i really don't want them and i don't care for results or anything. Most of the time i just like sitting at home and indulging in worldly pleasures. Sure things get sad and it hurts, but eventually ill just grow tired of it and desire a new change. Authentically desire a new change, not out of fear but out of passion.

You also talk about this breaking point that you fear, that your going to explode or breakdown if you dont find something soon. Maybe it needs to happen, idk. I've had very transforming cathartic moments born from suffering, their not necassary but they happen. The hardest thing for me to do is to surrender my anxiety and restlessness for results and just take in the calm and reality of the present moment. 

But overall just take baby steps every day towards something you'd love to create, because after all, What else are you gonna do?

[Average Investor]

The schooling system is not good at helping people find their purpose at all. It sounds to me like you would enjoy doing something like one on one teaching or something like that. 

39 minutes ago, Kaity said:

. Loved arts and photography and always had some sort of projects going on.

Have you ever though about teaching this stuff? I mean you would have to see if the fire is still there with it since it sounds like you have put it down for awhile. 

You could also pursue counselling or something like that from the sounds of what I have in your text. But do not just pursue something because you are nearing having a degree in it. You have plenty of time in life to change what you want to do. So I would not burden yourself too much. You need to go out and possibly discover more of your passions it might sound like. The very system you are working with is draining you of your creativity and life force. 

[Meetjoeblack]

On 2020-02-06 at 7:18 PM, Kaity said:

I've tackled all kinds of pleasures of life and tried to indulge in things that feel good but can't stay attracted to anything. This desire to tune into whatever the heck I'm here to do is above everything else and I can't enjoy things without having found this "element." It feels like I'm forcing myself to do almost everything in everyday life, waiting for something larger to click and consume me. I've crossed continents to find myself and this purpose but I'm as behind as ever. The only thing I know is that I can't last much longer without channeling this Thing and dedicating my life to it. I don't care about relationships, money, luxury, sex. I've used these things long enough as distractions to procrastinate tuning into myself but they've never been and never will be fulfilling if I don't find what I'm looking for. 

The most frustrating fact is that I've been chasing this Thing my entire life. I took the Life Purpose Course when I was 19, then again last year, at the age of 23. I have realized that my work needs to revolve around serving and helping others directly. I started studying psychology but thanks to our genius university systems, I'm as detached from the subject as students of accounting major are. It will take years for me to have actual experience with people in need. But I can't wait that much longer. I need something to wake up for now. I feel absolutely worthless in life and my self-value is so low that I struggle to even find a minimum wage shit job. It feels like something in me is trapped and if I don't release it in time, it'll explode and take me with it. 

The funny thing is that the world around me is in so much need for caring people and activities, yet, here I am, eager to put myself in service of others but somehow I'm so clumsy at life that I can't even get myself into a volunteering work. Everything is a huge challenge for me, everywhere I encounter competition, or that I'm not qualified or certified enough or whatnot. It's hard not to feel completely useless, especially when I still haven't realized in exactly what way I would like to help people. I'm really not sure how much longer I can bear this emptiness and being lost. I'm 24, which is not that old but I'm already noticing certain things about my personality/abilities decaying and if I don't do something soon, it will be impossible to change these patterns later on. 

I used to be full of life, creative. Loved arts and photography and always had some sort of projects going on. But ever since I went after exploring who I REALLY am and tried to find what was my real purpose in life, I lost every connection I had with these hobbies. Now I have nothing to show, no skill, no work. Just a student status to cover up how lost and off the path I actually am. Sometimes I ask myself if my mind is way too intoxicated already from enough "I can't"s and obstacles that I can never achieve the state of flow and purpose. 

Not exactly expecting anything here. But sometimes calling myself out openly makes me more accepting and helps slightly. 

I am doing Leo's purpose course now.

I read levels of energy and power vs force. I am currently reading the Tibetan yoga of dream and sleep. There's a segment where it coincides with Leo's Course.

it's the journey. not the destination.

24 is young. enjoy.

The book warned "trying" & "working hard" is counter productive. it is spinning your wheels.

aim for flow state.

the time will come one way or another. let it.

enjoy the process. learn more and get process oriented. it is never done. we're shedding layers of karma (for better or worse).

~Paradox, humor, change! ~Sox

If it's going to be a journey, prepare and plan for the best journey ever!

[Leo Gura]

@Kaity You are right where you need to be.

At 24 I didn't have my LP figured out. So you're ahead of me.

Just be patient and don't give up. Move in the general direction that lights up your heart.

[Applegarden]

@Kaity I would rather ask myself this question. Why would you feel useless? What is the need to feel useless? Why do you have to feel useful? Why is there sucha strong necessity to neurotically be useful NOW. What for this necessity? Why do you need purpose to be happy? Why not haing a LP feels bad? Yes seems like counter-intuitive questions, but they have helped me to acctually flow towards the same destionation as my neurotic behavour wished to go to. Where are you hurrying to? Life is going on its course and is much bigger than all of us, i would rather find a capacity in myself to acctually enjoy it and have a powerful routine to make my body and mind capable if you intend to helping somebody, and you and me know very well, they will deterioate, but how fast tho. You are flowing towards the cosmos, cosmos if flowing towards you, let your desires become true, be careful what you wish fore and raise the capacity to enjoy it when it comes and maybe even some capacity to act towards that for now, and also don't forget, failure is a part of the process and enjoy them, sit and cry out them, it will be nice!

[Rebecca Kalamata]

@kalaBut ever since I went after exploring who I REALLY am and tried to find what was my real purpose in life, I lost every connection I had with these hobbies.

Seems like a mistake of attributing your inner state to outside forces, even at this subtle level. You lost nothing. You let go of focus. You are free to change focus always. There is no negative consequence except that which you impose on yourself. There is no blame, there is no guilt, there are choices, take responsibility for choices and extend that in to Ego constantly and out to God constantly. It's all you. NOW is a great time to focus on the things Leo and others teach about meditation. Clear the space within, sow the garden of your soul. Depression is a choice. Take charge, let go of control. The time will pass anyway. Make it a great day by greeting a stranger with a beautiful smile. Give a little love and a flower will sprout in your garden, another's garden and all the gardens of all the souls as each touches another. Love effect is exponential and caring in this way is very attractive.

[Nahm]

On 2/6/2020 at 5:48 PM, Kaity said:

I've tackled all kinds of pleasures of life and tried to indulge in things that feel good but can't stay attracted to anything.

You’re not attracted to....you’re what is attracting.

[universe]

Here are the 3 steps Id recommend for you

1. Release you feeling of unworthiness. Try the Sedona Method, its very powerful. Maybe find a coach to help you. You will feel plenty of self-worth in no time, so much in fact that you will never need anything to feel worthy again.
2. Mindset. You have a lot of negative believes regarding your abilities to accomplish something in life. Reread your post and you will see them. Those are bs. See how they are totally false and write down new beliefs along the lines of "I totally got this. Life is easy. I can do this". Wether they are true or not is not important. Important ist that they will become your reality as soon as you recognize them as truth.
3. Action. Take action towards your goals. Dream big and see which steps need to be done. Get them done. Point 1 and 2 lay down the groundwork but you still need to do the work. Practice and work as much as you can. That way you will see how things move forwards, even if you fail some steps and need to redo them.

Edited February 10, 2020 by universe

[Chumbimba]

Man its literally like I wrote this myself. Talk to @Average Investor he has really helped me get a sense of my purpose and what I need to be doing.  I really feel your pain because I am a Psychology major too and it really feels like I have wasted my time. What I am attempting to do is let go of the need to find my life purpose and just do the things I love to do and I know eventually my life purpose will come  I suggest you do the same

[Average Investor]

@Chumbimba Thanks! 

@Kaity I would not mind helping generating some ideas if you want to message me.