Pain Period When Socializing

[Chumbimba]

I am currently developing myself to talk to more people and just lose my mental filter when it comes to socializing. I have run into being ignored, conversations kept short and this hurts my feelings. It seems like I get this more often than positive responses. I feel like its something I am doing wrong but generally I dont really say anything out of pocket or out of the ordinary but I still get negative reactions.. Any Tips ?

[Spiral]

Charisma unless you’re making major mistakes is mostly about 3 things.

1. Body language. Make sure you have open and relaxed body language. Generally boils down to having your shoulders back and good eye contact.

2. Attitude. Make you’re bringing positivity into a conversation. Who wants to listen to someone complaining? A smile goes a long way too.

3. The way you speak. Not the words per say but the changes in speed, tonality etc . To make you more interesting to listen to. Having the same monotone voice speaking at the same speed all the time is boring almost regardless of what you talk about after all.

[Preety_India]

 

Be funny, frank, open, gentle and kind. 

 

If a person doesn't like you being kind to them, they are not worth your time. 

 

 

[DrewNows]

practice self observation and reflection, notice when you're judging yourself and others. The key is to begin objectively seeing who you are showing up as, what your mindset and underlying fears and desires may be, as well as, notice triggers that cause a more constricted/self-serving pattern of interaction/communication 

socializing is definitely a skill so keep it up, i think it starts with self love

[Chumbimba]

yeah its hard. I feel like people dont like me very much because I am ugly

[Average Investor]

@Chumbimba Work on self esteem for sure. Finding a way to love yourself no matter what. That will really boost your confidence, when you talk to anyone. You could consider to try some public speaking to help bust you out of your shell too. My 1 on 1 talking has improved fairly fast doing that. 

[Preety_India]

Socializing has less to do with looks and more to do with personality. 

Don't try to please people because that never works. 

Only be with those who accept you for who you are. 

If someone doesn't get along with you, let them go. They are not the best for you. 

When someone likes you they will be with you. So if someone is not interested you can't win them over. 

When it comes to socializing and making friends, the thumb rule is like attracts like. You will attract people who are in the same boat and think like you and appreciate your thinking. Be with people who resonate with your vibe. 

Appreciation is key. Being around people who don't appreciate you is always going to make you feel ignored. 

You be yourself. But it's important to be likable if not desirable. And likable means qualities like frankness, politeness, charisma, humorous, respectful, gentle, kind, sweet, empathetic, most people are going to like a person with such qualities but you will need to cultivate them to become a better version of yourself. 

Also always be positive so if someone isn't great at first, don't give up easily, be your best self for the second and the third try, if they still ignore then let it go and try others. Don't get defensive right away if someone isn't showing interest, being defensive puts people off. 

The whole socializing thing needs tremendous patience, emotional intelligence, tact and constant learning of people behavior and human nature. So it's going to be stressful obviously. 

To get one good apple, you'll need to try a thousand bad ones. That's how it works. It's a long arduous process. 

Looks can only go so far. The real deal is the personality. 

And lastly self worth. Whether you succeed or fail at socializing, it's really not an indicator of whether you are good or bad, beautiful or ugly or worthy or unworthy. These are just labels designed by human society and you shouldn't allow it to impact your self worth. 

Try to be more rational about it  rather than emotional. 

 

 

 

[PinkLight]

Be kind to yourself, and patient. 

[Deezeetho]

13 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

I am currently developing myself to talk to more people and just lose my mental filter when it comes to socializing. I have run into being ignored, conversations kept short and this hurts my feelings. It seems like I get this more often than positive responses. I feel like its something I am doing wrong but generally I dont really say anything out of pocket or out of the ordinary but I still get negative reactions.. Any Tips ?

Chum mate, you're this deezed black dude who has a lot going on. There's a significant amount of entitlement in the dating world. There's a significant amount of delusion from social media and photoshop.

I see it differently. I think saying out of pocket is ideal. Conventional wisdom and group think recommends play nice. Walk on egg shells. Don't offend. Avoid hot topics like politics, religion, and anything that could trigger. I highly disagree. 

I am conservative. I have traditional values. I believe in God. I am pro life. I am out of pocket. I am abrupt. I am forward. I reap the benefits especially in a time where everyone is afraid to keep it real. 

A girl asked for my ig in a grocery store. I called a girl Dwayne Johnson at the gym and told her to relax. She wrote her number down and told me to call her sometime. It's too easy these days if you got swag. She's going to hookup with someone. I may as well be that guy. 

When I was a kid, I got a commission sales job. You get a lot of NO(s). I was top seller in the country before 19. The commissions were unreal especially as a college student. I got use to no and not reacting to it. I learned to be a hard closer. It made for a epic college experience and dating life. 

 

[LfcCharlie4]

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

8 hours ago, Deezeetho said:

 

I see it differently. I think saying out of pocket is ideal. Conventional wisdom and group think recommends play nice. Walk on egg shells. Don't offend. Avoid hot topics like politics, religion, and anything that could trigger. I highly disagree. 

I am conservative. I have traditional values. I believe in God. I am pro life. I am out of pocket. I am abrupt. I am forward. I reap the benefits especially in a time where everyone is afraid to keep it real. 

 

 Just out of curiosity how comes you're here then? 

It's basically the complete opposite of what Actualied.org is about, I'm not hating at all, I'm just wondering what attracted you to Leo?

[Deezeetho]

11 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

 Just out of curiosity how comes you're here then? 

It's basically the complete opposite of what Actualied.org is about, I'm not hating at all, I'm just wondering what attracted you to Leo?

I started doing meditation. I returned back to church. I alway believed in God. I have traditional conservative values in a time where its highly unpopular. Its part in keeping with one's truth. 

If you are a liberal, its ideal to expose oneself to alternative routes and beliefs. There's value in walking the walk. There's nothing to be said of not exposing oneself to alternative routes and beliefs. Its why I think safe spaces are ridiculous. 

There's value in exploring other ideas and beliefs systems opposite to my own.  

What brought you here? I first seen Leo on a tagged video. I don't recall who. I subscribed. Here I am. 

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, Deezeetho said:

I started doing meditation. I returned back to church. I alway believed in God. I have traditional conservative values in a time where its highly unpopular. Its part in keeping with one's truth. 

Are you sure? 

You  told me that you don't believe in traditional values. 

 

[Deezeetho]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Are you sure? 

You  told me that you don't believe in traditional values. 

I am from the nuclear family. Its almost a relic in this day and age. I still Netflix and chill. Its the time we live in. I still value traditionalism. 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Deezeetho Spirituality really, started with Eckhart Tolle, then Rupert Spira and then Ananda and Ramaji. Always watched Leo's videos really, my favorites of his are Spiral Dynamics and Conscious Politics. However, irl hardly anyone wants to talk about absolute reality and awakening lol. 

I also used to lurk a lot here pre awakening, didn't want to be another member of the blind leading the blind. 

I have many Conservative (UK) friends as I play Cricket which is quite a Tory sport really, there's elements of truth in every POV, like I know the left can be just as bad as the right and vice versa. All you need is to go on to hardcore left wing twitter to see that 

[Deezeetho]

On 06/02/2020 at 2:49 PM, Chumbimba said:

yeah its hard. I feel like people dont like me very much because I am ugly

There's something referred to as confirmation bias in business. You essentially confirm whatever perspective you have. As in, unattractive is your self-concept and all experiences confirm your belief. 

My favorite movie is Fight Club. It shows a maniac and a neurotic narrator on a quest. The movie portrays the importance of mindset and perspective when in fact, they are one and the same. 

Chumbimba mate, multiple girls gave me their number today. Despite my Christian beliefs and traditional values, all I could honestly think about was how great sex is going to feel as each girl typed her number into my phone. We had a flirt. Its fun. 

I don't have time to think I'm ugly or something not useful. You don't have that luxury either. Life is far too short. What can you do this begin setting up a confirmation bias in a productive fashion? 

For example, i'm awesome so, obviously girls give me their number and want to have sex. There's obviously girls who aren't interested. My minds interpretation is that they failed to recognize my genius. It barely registers. I don't care. I am too busy being awesome either way. 

I am living a great life. I am going to travel the world. Real talk, women can come along or get left behind. 

The best thing You or I can do is continue being awesome, extend invitations and carry on. 

BTW everything and anything women say I mistake for a invitation or her hitting on me. I suggest you do the same. Post back results. 

I recently met a girl at church. 

[Chumbimba]

@Deezeetho It would be nice to meet girls and talk to them, but I get scared shit less every time a girl even looks at me or walks my direction. Like where the fuck does that shit come from. They are human beings just like me but I treat them as if they are more than that

[Parththakkar12]

Fear of women actually comes from fear of sexuality/your sexual energy. Fear of coming across as creepy is similar, i.e. it's basically a fear of your sexual energy getting out of hand. I'm learning to channel my sexual energy and it's really helping me keep my cool around women! (Especially women I'm attracted to but I don't want to sleep with) It can also ease the whole dating thing.

Edited February 8, 2020 by Parththakkar12

[Deezeetho]

8 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

@Deezeetho Spirituality really, started with Eckhart Tolle, then Rupert Spira and then Ananda and Ramaji. Always watched Leo's videos really, my favorites of his are Spiral Dynamics and Conscious Politics. However, irl hardly anyone wants to talk about absolute reality and awakening lol. 

I also used to lurk a lot here pre awakening, didn't want to be another member of the blind leading the blind. 

I have many Conservative (UK) friends as I play Cricket which is quite a Tory sport really, there's elements of truth in every POV, like I know the left can be just as bad as the right and vice versa. All you need is to go on to hardcore left wing twitter to see that 

LFC mate, are you a Liverpool fan or is that another reference? 

I won't moralize. While I am conservative, traditional, Christian, I am not exactly the best candidate. I wont dare to moralize. Its hypocritical and people tend to be hypocritical. I heard of the phenomenon we hate in others what we hate in ourselves. 

My father gave me a Tony Robbins book at 19. I never cared to read before. Afterwards, I went down the rabbit hole. There's so much to explore. 

We are in transition ATM with Brexit. Its taken so long because of corruption and those in power reluctant to relinquish it. Whether or not its better, I embrace the change. 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Deezeetho oh so you’re from the UK? 
 

and yes, HUGE Liverpool fan, and this is the first time in my life we’ve actually been unreal, so that’s great  

And, yeah I have discussions with people all the time and try to see all points of view, like I don’t believe the left have all the answers, and personally wish both sides worked together, everything is so divisive in politics, it’s easy to see why more conscious people don’t get involved with it. I just personally see Corbyn (yes he has HUGE flaws) as far more conscious than say Boris and more spirally developed, I also feel to evolve to stage green we need a more “left” approach before ideally the transition to a Hybrid approach, I guess you haven’t watched Leo’s series but I highly recommend it mate. 
 

Personally see Brexit as a slightly nationalist movement and stage blue in terms of SD, but again I see why people wanted it and understand why it happened, the EU is far from perfect ?

And, PD and spirituality is amazing, imagine we actually learned about important shit in school? 

[Meetjoeblack]

@Chumbimba

are you a virgin? what level of experience if any do you have in women?

it sounds like a lot of approach anxiety. likely, past traumas. bad experiences and rejections. You likely are high in neurotism on the big five personality traits. Do meditation. do the panic breathing techniques from TM. do the work.

Peterson breaks down the genius of pickup and exposure. If it's important enough,you will do the work.

Therest billions of men on the planet. the amount of men who approach is probably less than 1%. Far less are any good after approaching.

I'm hit or miss. it's either on or not. the consensus is 1/3,1/3, & 1/3. as in rejection, fence sitting, and attraction. of the 33.33333% of "success," you still sift through nonsense to get her out. a miniscule amount of time, you pull a tiny percentage of the girls. The conversion rate sucks.

again, what's the alternative?

if you approach nonstop, you will get past approach anxiety and you will pull. Do the work.