nudity, porn & masturbation, why are they still considered bad behavior?

[Nahm]

@weareacouple Thanks for sharing. When I referred to The Mindfuck, I am not talking about anything to do with sex. I’m referring to what could be said to be outside of what you refer to as reality.

If you’re willing to share, as I know it’s about as intimate of a question as can be asked....

What is the “fallout”? What problems, if any, are you and he experiencing? 

As in, the reason this sex addiction is a problem is _______________. 

 

[weareacouple]

because he and I have been together for 25 years and we know each other so well and have made certain agreements such as never turning down our partner when their urge to have sex is pressuring them. Since most of the time it only takes a couple of minutes to also getting "into the mode" it all works out anyway and if, for some reason, we don't have equal interest at the time, it is not the end of the world to "go along with" a hard fucking to help your partner get their release. I am sure there has been 100s of times over the years when I got him hard and mounted him that he may not have been 100% into it. If any issues come up it would have to be when we move our sex action out of just he and myself. For instance, in the video arcade sex that I mentioned earlier, it can be a pretty risky situation. We both got completely naked in one of the video booths and once we got each other aroused, we walked out of the booth and to the end of the small hallway of video booths. it did not take long to catch the attention of the guys walking around and at that point anything could have happened and sometimes you just have to let it happen  

[Forestluv]

I suppose from a traditional Christian perspective, the sexual behavior described in this thread might be considered "addicted", "bad" or "crazy". Yet to me it's pretty standard stuff. Compared to what I was exposed to in polyamory communities, it's relatively tame. Beginner to low intermediate kinky levels. 

It's cool to see that you are intensely sexually active together after being together for 25 years. There is a lot more to explore. 

If you are into voyeurism, I'm curious if you've engaged with any polyamory / swinger's environments as a couple. You wouldn't necessary need to have sex with anyone else - there are entry-level opportunities. To me, the environment of most video arcades is crude with a creepy vibe. I'd much prefer other environments for voyeurism. Yet to each their own. 

[weareacouple]

23 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I suppose from a traditional Christian perspective, the sexual behavior described in this thread might be considered "addicted" or "crazy". Yet to me it's pretty standard stuff. Compared to what I was exposed to in polyamory communities, it's relatively tame. Beginner to low intermediate kinky levels. 

It's cool to see that you are intensely sexually active together after being together for 25 years. There is a lot more to explore. 

If you are into voyeurism, I'm curious if you've engaged with any polyamory / swinger's environments as a couple. You wouldn't necessary need to have sex with anyone else - there are entry-level opportunities. To me, the environment of most video arcades is crude with a creepy vibe. I'd much prefer other environments for voyeurism. Yet to each their own. 

yes we have been very involved with that life style over the years and found them t be very enjoyable. Yes, you are completely correct that the adult video arcade is very crude and back alley (although this was in the back of a very well run adult products store) but that was the attraction for us at the time. Mainly it was guy that were looking for a place to jack off while watching porn and we gave them the real thing to jack off to. 

Since we have not been on here that long, I figured that we needed to keep it to the PG13 level however we could get into some real "sexual conversation and experiences and I guess since you are the moderator of this forum you will have to let everyone know where to draw the line.  I was amazed since my husband only started this thread a few days ago that it has gotten as many views as it has gotten, however I am not surprised that the people of this forum are interested in reading along with for most is a taboo subject. 

[Nahm]

@weareacouple Going from your response, it seems the ‘addiction’ if you will, is to thought and or attention. Keep in mind, I am commenting relative to your stating of the presence of addiction. In the sense, the usage of the word denotes a problematic experience, though you aren’t articulating the “problem”. The sex life seems more common to me than that word usage and explanation.  This might be counterproductive to experiencing greater joys of Self. It would ‘make sense’ if it resonates in feeling, though there might not be an understanding of the feeling, if there isn’t the direct experience to relate it to. It would point to a trail of breadcrumbs, if you will.  The intuition might be ‘communicating’ “that there is more”. Wether that is a “problem” is entirely your subjective experience though. Sex wise, keep rockin.

 

[weareacouple]

36 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@weareacouple Going from your response, it seems the ‘addiction’ if you will, is to thought and or attention. Keep in mind, I am commenting relative to your stating of the presence of addiction. In the sense, the usage of the word denotes a problematic experience, though you aren’t articulating the “problem”. The sex life seems more common to me than that word usage and explanation.  This might be counterproductive to experiencing greater joys of Self. It would ‘make sense’ if it resonates in feeling, though there might not be an understanding of the feeling, if there isn’t the direct experience to relate it to. It would point to a trail of breadcrumbs, if you will.  The intuition might be ‘communicating’ “that there is more”. Wether that is a “problem” is entirely your subjective experience though. Sex wise, keep rockin.

 

Hi Nahm, your comments are noteworthy and I would invite you to look at it this way....take the relationship that my husband and I have together away....and you have two individual sex addicted people that most likely would be in damaged relationships or no relationships at all and just fucking anyone that happens to walk by. This is a forum and we love the twists and turns that people take the threads, however I really don't think the title of this thread has really been address...for instance, there is a reason why there isn't a row of vibrators and dildos at Walmart and Target however I am sure most of us women have one in one fashion or another.  

[Nahm]

@weareacouple There is (a small) row of vibrators / dildo’s etc, at the local Target, Rite Aid, Walgreens, and Kroger. If the judgement is good for your sex life, then cool, no problem, it’s 1950 all day long. If there’s suffering, consider the path.  You ‘win’ (Happiness) either way. Have your cake and eat it to, so to speak. 

Biblically speaking, judgment is dubbed “The Devil”, due to it’s profound sneakiness. 

[SickLuv]

On 09/02/2020 at 1:48 PM, Shin said:

 

If you ejaculate, you shorten your life expectancy, your health as a whole, and your energetic level.
By energetic level I mean how much you can do in a day, and how amazing you feel both physically and mentally.

That's explicit enough, and now if you keep doing it, and not try seriously to restrain from it, then you're just burrying your head in the sand.

I don' care what you guys do, if you believe me, or if you agree with me though, I'm just telling you that you're wasting a big chunk of your health and energy for 5 seconds of pleasure per day (assuming you only fap once a day).

That must be how Leo feels sometimes, trying to tell things that are so good for you, but you insist on being a donkey and telling yourself "NOOOOOOOOOOOO I can't do it, this isn't even true, I'm a donkey !!! I SWEAR !!!"

I can masturbate for 20 minutes when I m in shape, and each second is  awesome, 5 seconds ! 

no shaming 100% is the way

you should really try to practice deep tantra and use of magic herbal.

in real experience come as this :

good. . good. . good . yes . good . ho . good. it's great great great great, good good good good good good Goood, Alright, I M IN CONTROOOOL

 GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD 

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, weareacouple said:

I really don't think the title of this thread has really been address...

The title of the thread assumes nudity, porn and masturbation is considered “bad behavior”. This is a relative judgement. 

Last summer, I visited a nude beach. Nudity was wonderful behavior. 

[Shin]

On 09/02/2020 at 7:47 PM, Danioover9000 said:

@Lento

   NoFap is an ideology that is designed implicitly as an addiction recovery program that specifically targets strong addictions to pornography.

   I've done some self experimental work on NoFap on myself, because I have had a light addiction to watching porn and masturbating to that, 1-2 times a day. I joined because I had personally suffered from some degree of lethargy, laziness and Brian fog.

   This is what I found after a year of nofap: some peaks of energy, some increase of productivity and not so much brain fog.  Also increase in confidence, less social anxiety, more will power, clarity in thinking and more presence/appreciation.

   I also discovered somethings I didn't expect: Insomnia, increased aggression towards men and women, paranoia around failing to 'beat my nofap streak', paranoia about my sexuality, and others sexuality. Obsessive resistance to horniness, disappointment to random erections I had. Strong negative attitude towards 'sex addicts', and Pornography, putting celibate monks and spiritual master's on a pedestal, and too much thinking and supporting NoFap that I sometimes find myself dogmatic. Increase in mood swings(perhaps the same conditions Victorian women suffered from). I identified as a 'fapstronaut', 'nofaper', and clung to those labels.

   If you do have strong compulsory behaviors on Pornography, then NoFap is for you, from my experience. However, if you don't have severe pornography addiction, and you have benefited from NoFap, I think it's time to forget it and move on. I'm in the process of getting rid of this ideology out of my system, because I'm already benefited from it. To me, it's good to a point.

   Of course, every ideology and it's following hates whistle blowers, but I think NoFap is weak: it relies on demonizing pornography, reliance on spiritual literature/techniques and praises celibacy despite having nothing to do with the original aim of NoFap, and demonizes masturbation regardless of the individual and his/her circumstances. To me, it's starting to be similar to black/blue/red pill ideology, and it's limiting me. I hope I'm not offended you or anyone reading this.

@Lento Your welcome! ?

   

   

I don't care about «Nofap».

Just do what I'm saying.

This isn't an ideology from my pov, it is 100% experiential.

[Danioover9000]

19 minutes ago, Shin said:

I don't care about «Nofap».

Just do what I'm saying.

This isn't an ideology from my pov, it is 100% experiential.

  I've been there, done that. I'm done with discussing NoFap. If you have anything helpful to OP, say so. If not, respectfully leave. Don't spread your ideology, and treat people like children, me, OP, other users included, commanding me/them to do what you tell them.

   Have a nice day.

[Forestluv]

Please stay on topic. The OP is not asking about the pros and cons of NoFap - there are several other threads on that topic in the dating, sexuality subforum. 

[weareacouple]

it is like anything else that you do, if playing with yourself is causing issues in your life, yes you maybe need to make some adjustments. If you need outside help doing that, fine go get help, if you can cut back on your own, that is fine as well. As a women I can't think of a reason that it would effect me negatively, so reaching down my jeans and fingering myself whenever I have a desire does not have a lot of down side. That is probably not the same for you guys who need to get an erection to preform with your mate. This may not pay that well with some out there, but we women need to do our share in keeping things as exciting as what our mates are watching in the porn movies. I can't think of what it would be like if I was the type to just open my legs and lay there while my husband pumps me until he explodes in me and then roll over and fall asleep. If that is your sex action, you can't blame your husband or boyfriend for jacking his cock to hot porn.  

[weareacouple]

23 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

The title of the thread assumes nudity, porn and masturbation is considered “bad behavior”. This is a relative judgement. 

Last summer, I visited a nude beach. Nudity was wonderful behavior. 

Serotoninluv, 

You, Me and husband and probably several others on this forum may agree that there is nothing wrong with nudity however can we also agree that (for some yet unexplained reason) most of society has an issue with it. For my fellow Christians who think nudity is shameful, I remind them that (from the Bible} Jesus allowed himself to be stripped naked to display his naked body on a cross, thinking that he would be ashamed and he made no mention that he was the least bit ashamed (sorry romans). Yet those that say they follow Jesus would have someone arrested for walking into one of their churches naked. 

THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TEST TO SEE HOW SOCIETY AXCEPTS NUDITY...since those who are on Craigslist are probably a good cross section of society, it would be interesting to see what the reaction would be if my husband and I posted completely naked pictures of ourselves. I am talking about full body (face and all) pictures and ask people to respond with their acceptance of nudity in public. We would post on here when we are going to do it, so the followers of this thread could follow along with the results. We would even go as far as to post the pictures in the Craigslist for the city in which we live just to prove that we are serious about the issue. After I have typed this, it really does seem like a pretty crazy thing to do (and my husband will think I am completely nuts) however it maybe a good way to go public with the nudity issue and if nothing else, will give us all more to discuss on this thread. I am a woman (so I reserve the right to change my mind on this LOL) but what does everyone out there think? Would it be a good test? What do you think the results would be? Is it worth doing?  

[Forestluv]

3 minutes ago, weareacouple said:

Serotoninluv, 

we also agree that (for some yet unexplained reason) most of society has an issue with it. For my fellow Christians who think nudity is shameful, I remind them that (from the Bible} Jesus allowed himself to be stripped naked to display his naked body on a cross, thinking that he would be ashamed and he made no mention that he was the least bit ashamed (sorry romans). Yet those that say they follow Jesus would have someone arrested for walking into one of their churches naked. 

To me, it seems like there is some deep religious conditioning that is being worked through. I grew up in a fundamental catholic environment and received a lot of religious conditioning on sexuality. For many years, I tried to reconcile that. I tried to understand and make sense of it. At a deeper level, I was trying to figure out who I was and how I fit in society. It was really easy for me to slip into religious constructs. This was a very contracted existence, yet it didn't seem so until I expanded beyond it and looked back on it.

13 minutes ago, weareacouple said:

THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TEST TO SEE HOW SOCIETY AXCEPTS NUDITY...since those who are on Craigslist are probably a good cross section of society, it would be interesting to see what the reaction would be if my husband and I posted completely naked pictures of ourselves. I am talking about full body (face and all) pictures and ask people to respond with their acceptance of nudity in public. We would post on here when we are going to do it, so the followers of this thread could follow along with the results. We would even go as far as to post the pictures in the Craigslist for the city in which we live just to prove that we are serious about the issue. After I have typed this, it really does seem like a pretty crazy thing to do (and my husband will think I am completely nuts) however it maybe a good way to go public with the nudity issue and if nothing else, will give us all more to discuss on this thread. I am a woman (so I reserve the right to change my mind on this LOL) but what does everyone out there think? Would it be a good test? What do you think the results would be? Is it worth doing?  

 To me, you seem to be attracted to the dramatic. In regards to growth, the dramatic can be helpful to break us out of a contracted state - yet it can also have the opposite effect in re-enforcing the contraction. This is what I see happening here. This experiment has an underlying energy of confirmation bias - which would only re-enforce one's immersion into their own contracted story. The fundamental question I would ask is whether I want to stay contracted within a particular story or whether I want to be free and grow beyond that story. 

Another approach would be to enter a new, novel environment that is very different than one's conditioning. Imagine someone's wordview was based on the Die Hard movie series. This is the only thing they have been exposed to their entire life. With this conditioning, they would perceive the world as very dramatic and antagonistic - in which men are valiant protectors. If this person wanted to expand their view, going to see Die Hard 6 is counter-productive. It will only re-enforce their pre-conceived view. It would be much more productive to see a very movie with a very different theme - such as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

If you decide to go the route of posting naked photos on Craiglist, it's best not to connect the actualized forum to naked online photos. It wouldn't be a good fit for the forum. 

[weareacouple]

31 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

To me, it seems like there is some deep religious conditioning that is being worked through. I grew up in a fundamental catholic environment and received a lot of religious conditioning on sexuality. For many years, I tried to reconcile that. I tried to understand and make sense of it. At a deeper level, I was trying to figure out who I was and how I fit in society. It was really easy for me to slip into religious constructs. This was a very contracted existence, yet it didn't seem so until I expanded beyond it and looked back on it.

 To me, you seem to be attracted to the dramatic. In regards to growth, the dramatic can be helpful to break us out of a contracted state - yet it can also have the opposite effect in re-enforcing the contraction. This is what I see happening here. This experiment has an underlying energy of confirmation bias - which would only re-enforce one's immersion into their own contracted story. The fundamental question I would ask is whether I want to stay contracted within a particular story or whether I want to be free and grow beyond that story. 

Another approach would be to enter a new, novel environment that is very different than one's conditioning. Imagine someone's wordview was based on the Die Hard movie series. This is the only thing they have been exposed to their entire life. With this conditioning, they would perceive the world as very dramatic and antagonistic - in which men are valiant protectors. If this person wanted to expand their view, going to see Die Hard 6 is counter-productive. It will only re-enforce their pre-conceived view. It would be much more productive to see a very movie with a very different theme - such as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

If you decide to go the route of posting naked photos on Craiglist, it's best not to connect the actualized forum to naked online photos. It wouldn't be a good fit for the forum. 

we are in agreement that only when we expand our view, will we expand our thoughts and beliefs. 

NO, if we do the CL "experiment" we would not relate it back to this forum in any way. The Craigslist readers/viewers would not be told that is an experiment we are discussing on this forum/thread. Only the readers of this thread would know when and where the Craigslist posting would be taking place. maybe get a "real time" thread going for us to keep everyone informed as to the reactions to the posting. 

[Rebecca Kalamata]

I am curious as to why you are communicating on this forum. I have lots of history around sex. It's nicer not to be obsessed anymore than it was being obsessed, but at the time that was seemingly out of my control. Control had a lot to do with it as a matter of fact. Lots of things happened to bring change and frankly a relief.

I am about to pack for an 18-hour flight. I might have the opportunity to contribute further later. I might write in my journal during the flight. Being sexually addicted is one of those choices that I wore as though it was not a choice. How about being sexually addicted and not 'working it'? Just being it. That's why I say that I am curious as to why you are communicating about it on this forum. Why do I now know about this of you? Why do your Christian friends who you know will have different points of view to yours know about this aspect of your selves?

How can we help you here on this forum? 

Are you working on self-actualization in your lives?

Why would you want to do an experiment on Craigslist?

What is stopping you from just quietly fucking your brains out at every opportunity?

By the way, there is no nudity issue.

I could walk naked anywhere but I would get arrested and possibly scare the horses. (I think it was Elenor Roosevelt who said, "I don't care what people do as long as they don't do it in the street and scare the horses".) People would probably form opinions about me that would reflect poorly on my husband and this is his neighborhood and he values the opinions of his lifelong neighbors. I'm too chubby now and several parts are rather gravity effected which would inhibit me. This reminds me of a funny story though about being naked in the street that maybe I will add to my journal later. My tits were better then though.

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, weareacouple said:

Only the readers of this thread would know when and where the Craigslist posting would be taking place. maybe get a "real time" thread going for us to keep everyone informed as to the reactions to the posting. 

Please don’t. It’s not a good fit. 

[Danioover9000]

2 hours ago, weareacouple said:

we are in agreement that only when we expand our view, will we expand our thoughts and beliefs. 

NO, if we do the CL "experiment" we would not relate it back to this forum in any way. The Craigslist readers/viewers would not be told that is an experiment we are discussing on this forum/thread. Only the readers of this thread would know when and where the Craigslist posting would be taking place. maybe get a "real time" thread going for us to keep everyone informed as to the reactions to the posting. 

   I could be wrong, but if you do this, you're risking a ban. I think it's called splintering the community, and recruiting members to outside websites. It's not a good way to go.

   If you were serious in resolving these issues you and you husband perceive, you wouldn't be mostly here, you're be resolving it where you're at with him face to face. If you're not serious in helping yourselves out, don't distract other people here. We're serious about self-actualizing, and time is precious.

Edited February 13, 2020 by Danioover9000
Typo.

[weareacouple]

15 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

   I could be wrong, but if you do this, you're risking a ban. I think it's called splintering the community, and recruiting members to outside websites. It's not a good way to go.

   If you were serious in resolving these issues you and you husband perceive, you wouldn't be mostly here, you're be resolving it where you're at with him face to face. If you're not serious in helping yourselves out, don't distract other people here. We're serious about self-actualizing, and time is precious.

It may not agree with most but we would actualize a world that would accept the nudity of the human body