Realization of my Spiritual Ego??

[EddieEddie1995]

After about a year of meditating I finally got to the point where I could observe the observer , where the observer was just focusing on my breath or sound.But now I got to the point where I can observe it all, where I could  see my thoughts,emotions and body.  I was detached I think. I was fully present for 30 min , us  before that, my awareness(observer) got interrupted by my thoughts. 

After that meditation session I went to take a shit ,  and for the first time I decided not to take my phone , be present and relaxed hahaa because I always have problems, hemorrhoids, and feeling like giving birth every time I  shit…  let me tell you, I had the best shit of my life, it was so smooth and nice, it even smelled good LOL That is off topic, but my point here is "Do everything with meditation, even when you are taking a shit"

All this led me to look myself in the bathroom mirror. "I em so beautiful, not just my face, but my creation, but who em I?" I could feel my heart bit rising "I em awareness of this body/ego" I wanted to look away and go on with what I was doing, but I observed… "Ahaaa, so all this time  I was saying yeah yeah, I know im not my emotions and thoughs  , but you know , here I em, lets keep doing what we are doing, we gotta make a living and survive so it doesnt matter" It’s a defence mechanism that is stopping me to go deeper . I started getting dizzy and my heart was pumping harder. But now I could observe what was going on, and it hit me. "This is an spiritual ego just trying to be somebody, fighting to reduce suffering  by actualizng … and it had no difference, even if It didn’t, from awareness pov it was all perfect , but yet again from the egos pov it never will, that’s why it decides to self-actualize or whatever to reduce suffering and increase love, until it leads to this…" I started crying and feeling sorry for myself, but not for myself only, but for the people who don’t realize that they are perfect us they are,but keep  trying to be somebody… My face in the mirror started to move into weird  shapes, I could see my cloths moving I got afraid and stopped doing what I was doing.

 

Believes that my spiritual ego have is necessary to get myself killed  i mean ego 

When you think you know something, is to know that you are tricked and you have no clue 

 

Is this where my true spiritual work begins? I have a glimpse of how I can live with awareness, without attachment to my ego, I can still create what I love, make for a living , continue my LP even more authenticly and observe all of this with peace and no judgement …??? I can feel the ego-backlash coming , but I think my ego is going to be in trouble soon hahahha

 

Just sharing what happened … Please share your pov of my pov hehe

 

Love you <3

 

[EddieEddie1995]

@Johnny5 I agree , even if i don't know what you meant .

[OmniYoga]

11 hours ago, EddieEddie1995 said:

After that meditation session I went to take a shit ,  and for the first time I decided not to take my phone , be present and relaxed hahaa because I always have problems, hemorrhoids, and feeling like giving birth every time I  shit…  let me tell you, I had the best shit of my life, it was so smooth and nice, it even smelled good LOL That is off topic, but my point here is "Do everything with meditation, even when you are taking a shit"

 

tbh this is n1 reason this whole enlightenment thing looks like the biggest delusion on earth

[VeganAwake]

13 hours ago, EddieEddie1995 said:

After about a year of meditating I finally got to the point where I could observe the observer , where the observer was just focusing on my breath or sound.But now I got to the point where I can observe it all, where I could  see my thoughts,emotions and body.  I was detached I think. I was fully present for 30 min , us  before that, my awareness(observer) got interrupted by my thoughts. 

After that meditation session I went to take a shit ,  and for the first time I decided not to take my phone , be present and relaxed hahaa because I always have problems, hemorrhoids, and feeling like giving birth every time I  shit…  let me tell you, I had the best shit of my life, it was so smooth and nice, it even smelled good LOL That is off topic, but my point here is "Do everything with meditation, even when you are taking a shit"

All this led me to look myself in the bathroom mirror. "I em so beautiful, not just my face, but my creation, but who em I?" I could feel my heart bit rising "I em awareness of this body/ego" I wanted to look away and go on with what I was doing, but I observed… "Ahaaa, so all this time  I was saying yeah yeah, I know im not my emotions and thoughs  , but you know , here I em, lets keep doing what we are doing, we gotta make a living and survive so it doesnt matter" It’s a defence mechanism that is stopping me to go deeper . I started getting dizzy and my heart was pumping harder. But now I could observe what was going on, and it hit me. "This is an spiritual ego just trying to be somebody, fighting to reduce suffering  by actualizng … and it had no difference, even if It didn’t, from awareness pov it was all perfect , but yet again from the egos pov it never will, that’s why it decides to self-actualize or whatever to reduce suffering and increase love, until it leads to this…" I started crying and feeling sorry for myself, but not for myself only, but for the people who don’t realize that they are perfect us they are,but keep  trying to be somebody… My face in the mirror started to move into weird  shapes, I could see my cloths moving I got afraid and stopped doing what I was doing.

 

Believes that my spiritual ego have is necessary to get myself killed  i mean ego 

When you think you know something, is to know that you are tricked and you have no clue 

 

Is this where my true spiritual work begins? I have a glimpse of how I can live with awareness, without attachment to my ego, I can still create what I love, make for a living , continue my LP even more authenticly and observe all of this with peace and no judgement …??? I can feel the ego-backlash coming , but I think my ego is going to be in trouble soon hahahha

 

Just sharing what happened … Please share your pov of my pov hehe

 

Love you <3

 

Yes its just an accumulation of energy trying to be a ME. Its cool you understand this...good work!! 

Notice is and let it fall away like everything else ?

[EddieEddie1995]

@OmniYoga What if this is the belief needed to get thinks started? lol Everyone is scared from the thought of being God, but not of taking a shit with awareness  

[EddieEddie1995]

@VeganAwake Thank you! Well, its going to fall away with LSD soon... Im scared, but thats the egos job right...

[VeganAwake]

1 hour ago, EddieEddie1995 said:

@VeganAwake Thank you! Well, its going to fall away with LSD soon... Im scared, but thats the egos job right...

Yes It makes you feel like the world's going to end without it. It's never completely gone, but it deflates to a point where it's rendered harmless.

?

[Hugo Oliveira]

I think that I feel pretty much a similar situation.
I'm doing meditation and yoga for some time and I had already this experience of non-judmental almost pure observation of experience. 
The point is that I couldn't apply true surrendering in my life yet, I feel myself a bit fucked up so I feel very attached to self-improvement and my self agenda in a very neurotic way. 
Today I realized how much both paths are conflicting and limiting my progress. Because the gain of consciousness may be showing to myself how pointless are the ego's desperate actions to get fulfillment. 

[EddieEddie1995]

@Hugo Oliveira You couldn't said  it any better... This glimps that i had also made me see my selfishness , my "spiritual ego" and "personal development" lance that i was projecting onto the world, a perspective that is linked to my survival, actions and escape  to get fulfillment...I held this role so hard, that I was ready to justify anything ... HOLLY SHIT ! Im only now entering the rabbit hole ! 

  Im kinda sick to my stomach of how easily we can fall into this trap for the rest of our life's! And yet so freeing, you can atleast see your own bullshit at play...