Quitting Social media and social contact - is it okay?

[Preety_India]

I have been through multiple failed relationships that I ended because of the toxicity I had to deal with. 

Some were good relationships and some were bad and some didn't pan out for different reasons. 

I'm currently in a relationship after breaking up with my ex and this relationship feels safe. 

I have had exes stalking me and trying to contact me over the past 1 year or so and I have felt the temptation to go back to them or at least respond when they're trying to reach me. 

This has caused me some frustration over the last few weeks. I don't want to talk to people who have hurt me in the past. 

I want to quit social media and social contact for a while. {the other thing is called nofap, I don't know what to call this} 

So I want to challenge myself to ward off the temptation to connect with people for a while. I don't know how to exactly go about with it. I know that there are options to block people and so on but there is always a way to end up talking to them. I just want to stay away from it all. 

Is it wiser to do quit all social media and social contact? 

 

I don't want to deal with the toxicity of it all. 

What are your opinions and experiences about it? 

I just need time to heal from my toxic relationships and I think the best way to do this is to stay away from people generally. 

(I've tried staying away from my family because there's a lot of dysfunction in there and I've suffered chronic abuse as a child and teenager and I come from a broken dysfunctional home.) 

So my only social contact(right now) is a guy called Andrew (with whom I feel safe and he doesn't bother me or obsess over me like my exes used to and we have like a casual friends with benefits sorta relationship although I might make it a serious commitment, just not now because I'm still healing but I can take it to a serious commitment in the future if I'm mentally prepared. And I have my pets. Other than Andrew and my pets I usually do not engage with anyone. 

I do have a close circle of friends that I interact with in case I need emotional help. So it's not like I am going to be totally lonely. 

I just want to stay away from new experiences because I feel a bit weird and guarded and frankly scared of the dating world and even the social media because there's always a risk of running into toxic people online. 

{offline it's much easier to avoid bad people because they don't come knocking on the door unless it's serious stalking. But online and phone is very different because it's much easier to click and much easier for people to get a hold of you.} 

I am going to keep like a "NO SOCIAL CONTACT FOR 6 MONTHS" just like they do NOFAP. 

I'm not exactly addicted to social things but it's the toxicity that I don't deal very well with. Although I love making friends and exploring new relationships and experiences but that habit has come with a huge price tag. 

I don't want to feel like a weirdo doing this. 

I'm not anti social although I've suffered some social anxiety but I have still managed to get along with lots of people and people around me usually like me. I like to socialize, make friends, express, vent out, rant, talk a lot, it's just that I have ended up talking to the wrong kind of people sometimes and gotten in trouble. So I decided to give it a long break and stay away from it all so that I don't have to worry about hanging out with the wrong kind of people and spare myself toxic relationships. 

I'm very emotional and vulnerable very often and that's when the wrong kind of people approach me. 

Am I doing something weird or is this behavior/decision of mine completely okay? 

 

Edited February 2, 2020 by Preety_India

[Rookie]

Just do it.

Deactivate your social media accounts and see if you feel any different after a few weeks/months. You can re-activate them later. 

[DrewNows]

this gets crazy deep...feel for you fam, sounds like my struggles. We can never escape ourselves, the illusion of separation is ours 

If we are only ever in relationship with ourselves how might this change our thoughts and feelings about others?

How to cultivate self trust, safety and love without any need for validation? 

what do others give you you are unwilling to give yourself? 

How to let go of playing a victim? (To stop giving energy to fear based thinking) 
 

the give/take energy/power dynamic is interesting to observe without judgment. This is the cause of toxic relationships imo, losing a part of ourself we find someone willing to be/show up as that aspect. Resentment and everything else builds and is eventually projected onto another, as it becomes clear a dog chasing its tail dynamic is in play and if we change or opt out, the tides change and everything is lost 

[PenguinPablo]

I wrote a long message for this but lost signal since I’m up in the Rockies.

TL;DR is delete it.

 

Basically all of our personal issues become magnified and consequently magnified due to social media. Personally, if you feel its a detriment get rid of it and be happy with your bf

Edited February 3, 2020 by PenguinPablo

[Chumbimba]

@Preety_India I deactivated everything. Totally worth it. You see the toxicity and bullshit our culture has developed through social media. It's not all bad but people do some crazy shit for likes and approval on there. My life is much cleaner without it.  

[Preety_India]

Thank you guys 

[Michael569]

I sense a "shadow" in your post. Seen similar patterns in previous posts that you made. Perhaps I am just speculating but seems like there is something in there that keeps you getting into these relationship cycles that end up hurting you. 

Perhaps disconnecting as you say and doing a little bit of internal "demon hunting", shadow work or NLP might be able to uncover something you have suppressed deep within. Buchflower remedies can be helpful with bringing this out as well. 

But I might be wrong as I don't really know you at all. 

[Arcangelo]

No it is not. Don't.

Social media and WA are tools. You can build a house with a hammer or you could kill a baby with a hammer. It is up to you, but if you don't trust yourself then is better to not have a hammer at home.

 

 

Arc

[Bill W]

I guess the key thing will be identifying and getting to grips with the real issues or they could just resurface when you turn social media back on. The topic title is about social media but the post isn't really about social media from what I can see? 

There are references in your post to moving away from connection with people. If they are toxic then I can understand, but your post read more about moving away from connection generally "just in case" the connection proves toxic? If that's the case, then this tactic could fall under "avoidance" which has never worked for me before I can tell you that much! Avoidance of the anxiety provoking activity keeps the fear alive, but I can hardly preach about that myself! 

I mean unless your career depends on it, there is no essential or vital reason to use social media I guess. I don't think the world is a happier place since it arrived. People managed okay before. My concern would be any expectation you have that quitting social media will achieve something. I mean it might in terms of remaining disciplined and putting productive energy elsewhere, but I am not sure it will address the vulnerabilities or emotional state generally? Happy to be proved wrong...

Obviously what you really hope for I imagine is to break the cycle. 

I see lots of similarities in us from your journal. This "all or nothing" stuff. Big decisions. Big changes. New starts. Fresh starts. Clean slates. No more. This time it will be different. That's it. Last time. Never again. New Year New Me. New Journal New Me. 

It's exhausting I know. We will get there in the end though, if we persist. 

[Preety_India]

@Bill W  thank you so much. You helped a ton. 

I need to go through intense changes to revamp myself because I'm constantly feeling I'm getting nowhere and emotional stuff and mental stuff needs a huge amount of processing and healing time.

And I'm constantly pushing myself to get there as quickly as I can and when that doesn't happen, I get distraught with frustration.

@Arcangelo  yes I get your point. But I have reached the end point of my misery. I think either the social media scene today is toxic or maybe I'm not fit to be in it, maybe it's not meant for emotional people like me. I get consumed by it. I'm hyper sensitive and this is no exaggeration by any means. I have great difficulty in getting things off my mind if they are hurting me emotionally. So words make a huge difference to me.

I don't wish to read toxic messages from people in my inbox. And when I try to connect with new ones, it's always a pleasant experience in the beginning and later there are fall outs and that is a mess.

So maybe the whole social thing is meant for emotionally strong Hulk Hogans who can deal with anything and everything like a pro. 

 

For me a breakup feels like a devastation,a divorce would feel like a disaster. 

So maybe I should stay away from dating and new connections and come back when I feel safe.

 

[Applegarden]

Not only is it optional but also fairly optimal thing to do, felt like rocks fell off my head, don't have to think about any of that nonsense, what other people think of me and so on.