Narcissistic Abusive Relationships and Sociopaths

[Preety_India]

I have suffered some amount of narcissistic abuse in my relationships. 

This forum helped me deal with my codependency and emotional issues I had and made me realize that I was stuck in a bad relationship. That was a great help. 

I have ruminated a bit about the nature of narcissistic partners. And I found a correlation. 

I observed that narcissistic people are attracted to people who actually treat them bad. Like they get attracted to sociopathic people. Whereas when they have a respectful calm decent person, they start taking that person for granted and treat that person badly. But when they see a person who is influential, has social status, popular and powerful, intimidating, they try to impress this popular person. 

They try to impress those who hate them and treat them unkindly. 

But they push away a decent person and treat them like crap. 

Does this mean that narcissists get attracted to sociopaths or love the company of sociopaths? 

I needed more opinions on this based on your experience. 

I will explain this in some detail so that you know what exactly I'm trying to say. 

The narcissistic man 

I've seen some men are attracted to trophy girls and even if they get mistreated in the relationship they still want that woman because they think it's a thing of pride to be just associated with her 

Yet if they happen to be in a relationship with a plain Jane kind of girl who is treating the man very kindly, they kick her to the curb and treat her like a doormat and take her for granted. 

But they wouldn't display the same awful behavior with the woman who they find intimidating or powerful. They feel subdued or embarrassed to even stand up to her bad behavior. They feel pressured to impress her and are constantly hounded by the fear of losing her. 

Yet they see no offense or guilt in being hurtful to a good woman. 

The narcissistic woman

I've seen some women who treat the guy very badly, abusive, bullying etc. They will put him down and be mean to him especially if they see him as a loser or not very popular or intimidating 

Yet these same women get attracted to a bad guy who is handsome, popular, intimidating, abusive, liked by most women, and even if he is treating her like shit, she wants to please him

But she doesn't give a damn about the guy who respects and truly cares for her 

I think these behaviors are a part of the narcissistic psyche. 

Let me know what you think about it and elaborate. 

 

Edited February 2, 2020 by Preety_India

[Farnaby]

I think you got it pretty accurately. 

As children we all have a narcissistic/egotical phase. If that phase isn't propperly transcended, we stay kind of stuck in it, or at least part of us. When this happens, as adults, we only feel good when people are mirroring our positive traits, but we can't tolerate when they tell us something that may threaten that fragile self-esteem. 

Maybe another thing that can explain why they treat "decent" people like crap is because they have such a fragile self-esteem that these people remind them of their own vulnerability and they hate that. Also, because being seen with these more sensible people could lead them to be associated with them and judged by other narcissists lol. 

In the end, I think they have a low self-esteem but they put on a mask to protect that. 

What I'm not sure of is if they're more attracted to sociopaths or to submissive people who they can easily control. 

[Derek White]

Idk if they are attracted to sociopaths, because sociopaths are the type of people who shoot up schools. They are psychopaths but without the charm. I think the word you were looking for is psychopath.

Narcissists are attracted to shallow personality and physical traits like money, muscles, cars, beauty, etc. I made a post about this topic you might want to check it:

She has made a video explaining the difference and similarities between psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists, so look for that. My favourite technique to avoid narcissism from her is the grey rock.

[Lento]

@Preety_India

Boundaries! Be clear about what you want and never allow others to step on your rights, no matter what. Be completely honest and comfortable with saying your truth even if that may cause the relationship to fail. It's not a good relationship if one partner is winning and the other is losing.

By being honest and having strong boundaries, you're guaranteed to look detached from your partner, which is the key to attraction. It's the neediness that makes the attraction fall off.

Edited February 5, 2020 by Lento

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Lento said:

@Preety_India

Boundaries! Be clear about what you want and never allow others to step on your rights, no matter what. Be completely honest and comfortable with saying your truth even if that may cause the relationship to fail. It's not a good relationship if one partner is winning and the other is losing.

By being honest and having strong boundaries, you're guaranteed to look detached from your partner, which is the key to attraction. It's the neediness that makes the attraction fall off.

Thank you so much once again for the great advice. 

 

[Farnaby]

16 minutes ago, Lento said:

@Preety_India

Boundaries! Be clear about what you want and never allow others to step on your rights, no matter what. Be completely honest and comfortable with saying your truth even if that may cause the relationship to fail. It's not a good relationship if one partner is winning and the other is losing.

By being honest and having strong boundaries, you're guaranteed to look detached from your partner, which is the key to attraction. It's the neediness that makes the attraction fall off.

This is probably the best advice  

This morning I heard an interesting exercise to know what you're boundaries are. Maybe it's useful for you. 

1) First you imagine something that goes against your values, such as racism, abuse or whatever activates a strong feeling of rejection inside of you. You tune into your body and see how that sensation of rejection/"No" feels like.

2) You do the same with something that you love, such as your favorite food and you do the same as above. 

3) Lastly, you imagine something that triggers a mixture of sensations, where it doesn't feel like a "yes" yet, but neither like something you completely reject. 

I found this helpful to get to know your own compass for boundaries, without the confusion that often comes when our thoughts start "taking control". 

[Preety_India]

28 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

This is probably the best advice  

This morning I heard an interesting exercise to know what you're boundaries are. Maybe it's useful for you. 

1) First you imagine something that goes against your values, such as racism, abuse or whatever activates a strong feeling of rejection inside of you. You tune into your body and see how that sensation of rejection/"No" feels like.

2) You do the same with something that you love, such as your favorite food and you do the same as above. 

3) Lastly, you imagine something that triggers a mixture of sensations, where it doesn't feel like a "yes" yet, but neither like something you completely reject. 

I found this helpful to get to know your own compass for boundaries, without the confusion that often comes when our thoughts start "taking control". 

That was excellent. Thanks for the input. 

 

[Deezeetho]

I recently seen the amber herd situation. Admitted to violence despite accusing Rep which got him removed from Disney. Its not acceptable. There's no excuse for violence or abuse and or lying of such things. 

Good on you recognizing the patterns. I tend to get with party girls. Its fun. Its short term. There's polarity in the chaos but it lacks longevity. 

Knowing is half of the battle. 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Deezeetho said:

I recently seen the amber herd situation. Admitted to violence despite accusing Rep which got him removed from Disney. Its not acceptable. There's no excuse for violence or abuse and or lying of such things. 

Good on you recognizing the patterns. I tend to get with party girls. Its fun. Its short term. There's polarity in the chaos but it lacks longevity. 

Knowing is half of the battle. 

Your Amber Heard example has no relevance to my topic. Move on.