Explanations for lack of interest in women

[Ya know]

Hey. I'm looking for answers.

I'm a 23 year old guy who's had a girlfriend, but never actually liked her, nor wanted to pursue sex with her. We mutually split due to disinterest (like 4 years ago) and since then I haven't genuinely been interested in anyone else.  I think I may have anxiety around communicating with women who I don't know in a PUA way, but maybe that's violating social norms. Beliefs around acceptable behavior type of thing.

Where it gets a bit weirder (and embarrassing) is that I have a severe addiction to pornography. And I mean severe. Like everyday I'll do it no matter what, no matter how hard I try. I've done porn blockers, mediating, goal setting. None of that stuff works. 

And the porn has gotten gayer, and gayer until it's so gay I can't even call myself straight anymore.

So my questions are:

How do you know if you are gay or straight? Is it possible to warp your mind through pornography to the point where women no longer interest you?

Does anyone else have similar experiences? 

As a side note, I haven't had strong romantic feelings for anyone except one guy that I met through another social circle. So maybe this is an obvious scenario (Gay porn + infatuation with guy = gay) but I don't know what is ''true'' or real. Any opinions are appreciated.

Also, I had a traumatic upbringing with an older sibling which has really warped my perception of women. While I don't struggle interacting with them in a basic manner I kind of have the feelings that subconsciously I avoid them like the plague, nor want to place myself in any vulnerable position around them.

I'm going through therapy and being proactive, I just thought I'd try and get other perspectives. 

 

 

[Spiral]

Porn addiction tends to get you in that direction, you can contact your internet service provider and ask them to put on a family filter. If you feel that that’s embarrassing just tell them you have a kid.

Then again who knows,  maybe you like guys. At least half of the human population likes them so you won’t be alone.

[Elisabeth]

Quote

I haven't had strong romantic feelings for anyone except one guy that I met through another social circle. So maybe this is an obvious scenario (Gay porn + infatuation with guy = gay) but I don't know what is ''true'' or real. Any opinions are appreciated.

Yes, you may be gay. Your sexuality could also be more complex, like bi- or pansexual: It's quite possible to be attracted to one gender all one's life, then at 35 fall in love with the opposite gender. This could happen. It's also possible to be romantically attracted to both (or all) genders but sexually aroused by just one, or vice versa. You don't quite have enough info to say "I'll always be gay", but so far everything points to you being more attracted to guys, so definitely not straight. 

Seek self-acceptance. Also seek education and community, if you need it. Good luck. 

[Shiva99]

Don't watch porn, stop masturbating, and don't do anything sexually for at least 90 days. This will reset your dopamine receptors back to normal. 

After this period there is a high chance your normal sex drive will come back.

Also, if your interests towards the same sex are porn induced they will fade in this 90-day period.

[Leo Gura]

8 hours ago, Ya know said:

How do you know if you are gay or straight?

If there is even a hint of doubt, you're gay or at least bi.

When you are fully straight, there is no hesitation whatsoever. You see a hot girl, you want to fuck her brains out within seconds.

And naked men are like invisible to you. Your mind totally filters them out a irrelevant. When you watch porn you don't even see the man.

You also have no fear or doubt about being gay. It is a silly question to even consider because you like pussy so much.

Don't beat yourself up for being gay. Love what you love. The only one judging you is yourself.

[Austin Actualizing]

Porn can alter sexuality, quit for 90 days and see what your desire is like then. This video explains things well. 

Useful websites:

https://fightthenewdrug.org/

yourbrainonporn.com

Edited February 2, 2020 by Austin Actualizing

[Ya know]

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If there is even a hint of doubt, you're gay or at least bi.

 

Really? Seems a bit.. drastic. If you ever have any gay thoughts your gay? Who knows I guess. 

 

Its funny because I spent so much time investigating pick up stuff, red pill stuff, reading mark manson models, book of pook and was so invested in the intellectual aspect of sexuality and attraction I never actually wanted to apply it in real life. Whenever I was presented with the opportunity to use it I never felt compelled to.

 

But then I met a guy I was infatuated with and did every noob mistake under the sun, demonstrated neediness, low value, asked too,many questions and had a scarcity mindset. Usually none of these insecurities would pop up when talking to women. Weird. 

 

Do these laws of attraction apply to homosexual relationships? I feel like they are a bit more shallow and rely on instant attraction rather than the stuff I've researched. 

 

Edit: plus.. most guys are straight lol.

Edited February 3, 2020 by Ya know

[DrewNows]

@Ya know attraction is definitely not as black and white as people make it out to be....I wouldn’t get caught up in the labels, try exploring what exactly it is you have attraction for and why. 
 

“how do you know” says Ya know 

Then Leo talks about being “fully straight” 

attraction is an unconscious limitation 

Your identity is self created and attraction arises from this, no clear self identity can equate to uncertain attraction as well 

Get to the root of who you are, address the voids and vulnerability 

[Ya know]

@DrewNows how do i get to the root of who I am? Keep meditating?

[DrewNows]

2 minutes ago, Ya know said:

@DrewNows how do i get to the root of who I am? Keep meditating?

Hmm sure and self inquire. I’d ask why, why do i meditate  

[PenguinPablo]

@Leo Gura what if he’s enlightened now and doesn’t like sex anymore

[Leo Gura]

43 minutes ago, PenguinPablo said:

@Leo Gura what if he’s enlightened now and doesn’t like sex anymore

And what if pigs were unicorns who pooped bars of gold?

[electroBeam]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When you are fully straight, there is no hesitation whatsoever. You see a hot girl, you want to fuck her brains out within seconds.

Just pointing out that your sex drive might be stupendously higher than average.

I'm straight, when I see a hot chick, I do feel like having sex with her but I don't feel like fucking her brains out. 

[Derek White]

@electroBeam A few days ago I was at a library and this woman took off her shoes. I was so turned on by her feet that I ended up reading erotic entries on Quora for the entire study period (it’s a library, you can’t watch porn). After that I was turned on for like the next 12 hours.

@Leo Gura Have you actually tried to reduce your sex drive?

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, Derek White said:

Have you actually tried to reduce your sex drive?

I would rather just accept and love myself as I am. Be careful demonizing sex.

[remember]

22 hours ago, Ya know said:

Hey. I'm looking for answers.

I'm a 23 year old guy who's had a girlfriend, but never actually liked her, nor wanted to pursue sex with her. We mutually split due to disinterest (like 4 years ago) and since then I haven't genuinely been interested in anyone else.  I think I may have anxiety around communicating with women who I don't know in a PUA way, but maybe that's violating social norms. Beliefs around acceptable behavior type of thing.

Where it gets a bit weirder (and embarrassing) is that I have a severe addiction to pornography. And I mean severe. Like everyday I'll do it no matter what, no matter how hard I try. I've done porn blockers, mediating, goal setting. None of that stuff works. 

And the porn has gotten gayer, and gayer until it's so gay I can't even call myself straight anymore.

So my questions are:

How do you know if you are gay or straight? Is it possible to warp your mind through pornography to the point where women no longer interest you?

Does anyone else have similar experiences? 

As a side note, I haven't had strong romantic feelings for anyone except one guy that I met through another social circle. So maybe this is an obvious scenario (Gay porn + infatuation with guy = gay) but I don't know what is ''true'' or real. Any opinions are appreciated.

Also, I had a traumatic upbringing with an older sibling which has really warped my perception of women. While I don't struggle interacting with them in a basic manner I kind of have the feelings that subconsciously I avoid them like the plague, nor want to place myself in any vulnerable position around them.

 

whatever the reason for the lock on your sexual attractedness to women, you‘ll more likely find out about it if you test on the gay theory - and i mean not with porn, but really going to a gay bar or club and finding out. it’s not that you can’t say stop after you started something there, sometimes i get the feeling that guys who want to find out about being gay or not are afraid to loose their virginity on the spot even if they just start to feel into it. as if the gay men they meet never had the transformational phase of overcoming the preset mindset that the only acceptable way is heterosexuality. who says there is no dissonance between what you want and what you feel is how you should be - there are various different kinds of sexual attraction, unlocking any kind of sexual drive certainly has to do with figuring out what really turns you on in the sexual field. maybe you didn’t find the right way yet - maybe you‘ll need to find the right person yet... maybe unlocking you needs a special kind of chemistry in a person, whatever it is - follow the bunny and the most probable at the moment seems to be a buck.

[Derek White]

@Leo Gura Earlier you said masculinity is imposing one’s will on the world.

Would you then say that masculinity is devilry? Since imposing one’s will means to manipulate the world into being a certain way, freezing it, and defending and attacking other forms.

Is masculinity = survival = devilry?

[Girzo]

@Derek White both masculinity and feminity are devilry because they are a duality.

[Leo Gura]

34 minutes ago, Derek White said:

@Leo Gura Earlier you said masculinity is imposing one’s will on the world.

Would you then say that masculinity is devilry? Since imposing one’s will means to manipulate the world into being a certain way, freezing it, and defending and attacking other forms.

Is masculinity = survival = devilry?

No, I wouldn't mix those two notions.

Masculinity/femininity are different ways of interfacing with reality.

Have you never heard of a she-devil?

[Derek White]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

No, I wouldn't mix those two notions.

Masculinity/femininity are different ways of interfacing with reality.

interesting.