Fear of being tortured

[StarStruck]

I live in a first world country so the likeliness of being tortured is close to nihil.  I’m in the process of letting all my fears go and I’m doing a fine job but I’m still not there. A lot of hidden fears are still in my unconscious. When I look to my dreams I still have some nightmares like being stuck in a cave and slowly dying without a way for suicide to save my misery. Or like being stuck in a brazen Roman bull (look it up).  I’m planing to do high dose of LSD soon and in the far future some DMT. From what I understand there is the chance of getting stuck in a loop of your deepest fears. How do I deal with such fears? Letting go technique won’t work when you are stuck in a brazen Roman bull. 

[Commodent]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Letting go technique won’t work when you are stuck in a brazen Roman bull. 

If you think this is the case then you have a false idea of what letting go actually means. It is well-known that those subjected to extreme torture will eventually let go and surrender to the pain. From that point on the torture will simply have no effect.

Furthermore, I disagree with this notion of labeling letting go as a technique. By trying to let go you are by definition failing to let go, because you are using it as a tool for resisting what is.

The best you can do in moments of pain is to feel it fully and become one with it. That is what deep surrender really is, and only that way can you be freed.

[Forestluv]

@StarStruck If you already have this dynamic playing out n the mind and body, I would be careful with high doses of psychedelics without experience. A high dose can take one into breakthrough zones that is smooth sailing. I’ve also been in some insanity zones that took a long time to recover from. At a transcendent level it’s fine, yet it can be traumatic to the mind and body. 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

Letting go technique won’t work when you are stuck in a brazen Roman bull. 

Lol

Have you tried the you-die technique?

Yeah... you best stay away from psychedelics if you are so fearful.

[StarStruck]

20 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@StarStruck If you already have this dynamic playing out n the mind and body, I would be careful with high doses of psychedelics without experience. A high dose can take one into breakthrough zones that is smooth sailing. I’ve also been in some insanity zones that took a long time to recover from. At a transcendent level it’s fine, yet it can be traumatic to the mind and body. 

I’m well aware of that that is why I’m trying to solve it now before I got into a deep  psychedelic drip that I’m planning. Thus this topic.

 @Commodent it is well known? Well it is not well known to me but I know it now. I will try what you said in the last paragraph. Thanks for the input.

 @Leo Gura I’m careful. I’m staying away from DMT, Salvia etc. My wish is to do 200-250 ug of LSD. I think that is not that crazy. 

[Leo Gura]

17 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I think that is not that crazy.

The crazy you'll find in LSD is the crazy you bring to it

[The Awakened Viking]

Why start with a high dose of any psychedelic? If you're doing it to show off how "good you are at letting go" or being "spiritually hardcore", it's going to kick your ass.

I'm still integrating the experience of Ayahuasca, and the day after 22 grams of magic truffles, taken 6 months ago. Rediscovering what meditation and breathing techniques actually is trying to open you up to, bliss is already here, available even without psychedelics, they are just effective at showing you glimpses and revealing entangled barriers/delusion/fear.

And 22 grams of truffles isn't even a mindblowing dose when comparing the psilocybin dose to dried mushrooms, no machine elves or cosmic surgery by aliens, still it was enough to synchronize mind/body/consciousness and make me roll around in orgasm for 3 hours just by pinching my ear tips. There i so much to discover between the beginning stages and the other-worldly dimensions you read in high dose reports. 

For example, after that first magic truffle trip I naturally felt like forming different kind of Mudras with my hands, even though I've never been trained in any religion, or Hindu/Samurai/Egyptian/Indian culture and symbolism where they do that all the time, I come from a mechanical/calculated/materialistic 1st world culture. But when you feel there is an energy in your body that want to flow through your hands in specific ways, you surrender to that and let it, and the field of Mudras is something you can study and experiment with for a long time. What if you take a higher dose than your level of development, and all these discoveries blast over your head, and you get no insight to contemplate or take with you when you do non-psychedelic inner work? 

And after reading lots of reports I think I was overly prepared compared to the average first timer, even though I had a complex PTSD diagnosis from a hellish childhood. Very little fear like you describe. Absurd levels of open-mindedness.  Years of different kind of intense exercise, building discipline and getting to know my body. Hundreds of hours of intellectual/conceptual research on psychedelics and non-duality in general, which is still important even though the experience is beyond words, as your starting point is only made up of concepts and intellectual delusion. And during the 12 months before my first psychedelic, I had 5 months of solo "retreats" in Norwegian national parks and mountains, where I just walked without any clear goal, breathing and being mindful and living simply in silence, that also prepares your whole being without directly "doing" an advanced technique, getting away from distractions so you can discover what it is to just be, maybe some bad habits or resistance surface during such a hiking trip, and you can meditate on it or even scream it out in the mountains, working through the intense negativity without psychedelic influence first. So even I with all this preparation got profound heavenly insights and experiences from just a medium dose of psychedelics.

And if you know you carry a lot of fear and negativity WITHOUT the psychedelics, you can easily pull this shit out in a simple meditation session, try sitting for 1 hour and see if you go crazy, if you can't deal with 1 hour of simple meditation in your normal state, how do you expect your psychedelic trip will be.

[remember]

@StarStruck you can always try it with the cacado-into-a-cup technique or the it’s-not-what-you-think-it-is technique! both can be very effective.

Edited February 2, 2020 by remember

[StarStruck]

@The Awakened Viking good point about the being paradigm. Perhaps I was not very clear. LSD is not my first time. My previous dose was about 120 ug. I’m still processing that along with my other backlog (mushrooms and just meditation/contemplation logs). I feel like doing LSD again because it gave me a breakthrough in emotional maturity. You can read my LSD trip log about it on this forum. I’m no way doing LSD again before processing my own backlog. I also don’t care about bragging. Little silly to brag about 250 ug of LSD. I’m somebody who is uptight with emotions and no passion for anything. LSD released some emotion in me that I used to motivate me to meditate/contemplate and so on. 

[Dodo]

@StarStruck  I think everyone on this forum would agree that "being" is the truth with no opposite. However, Being while you have your nips twisted in a purple nurple  and Being next to a river meditating have some difference in quality  

Everyone should fear torture. 

Edited February 2, 2020 by Dodo

[tenta]

Which psychedelics don't cause trips where you're being tortured?

[StarStruck]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Lol

Have you tried the you-die technique?

Yeah... you best stay away from psychedelics if you are so fearful.

No I haven’t. 
 

35 minutes ago, Dodo said:

@StarStruck  I think everyone on this forum would agree that "being" is the truth with no opposite. However, Being while you have your nips twisted in a purple nurple  and Being next to a river meditating have some difference in quality  

Everyone should fear torture. 

Well. According to some you shouldn’t do psychedelics because you fear being tortured (like being put in a brazen Roman bull). ?

[Dodo]

5 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

No I haven’t. 
 

Well. According to some you shouldn’t do psychedelics because you fear being tortured (like being put in a brazen Roman bull). ?

yes being fearless is stupid. Having the fear and the courage to overcome it on the other hand is what makes a professional human being (overcome here doesnt mean the fear goes away, but you are OK with the fear being there and it does not affect you) 

Dodo birds were fearless. 

Edited February 2, 2020 by Dodo

[StarStruck]

@Dodo how do you mean “overcome”? 
when one overcomes something it is in the past. 
 

[Lento]

@StarStruck

You're not actually afraid of the pain. You're afraid of the fear.

Think about it.

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

@StarStruck Man, I certainly don’t want to push you into doing something rash and stupid, but speaking from personal experience, I have been a highly neurotic and anxious person all of my life (in fact, I still am) and had bloodcurling nightmares about torture ever since I was a kid -- but so far I have had nothing but positive experiences even on massive doses of mushrooms and LSD. Knock on wood! (Well, one year ago I had a somewhat sobering trip on 5g shrooms where I wasn’t able to fully let go, but even that one was far shy from being a so-called bad trip.)

The only thing that has been giving me panic attacks is smoking DMT, but I think this is mainly due to the fact that anything you smoke will just hit you in the face like a sledgehammer... I like the smooth transition of LSD much better. Like you have said yourself, 250 micrograms are not very likely to mess you up; but then again, the only thing that can tell you if you are ready or not for such an experience is your own intuition, so my advice is always to really listen in on yourself and then simply follow your heart.

[Leo Gura]

Fear is the only thing holding you back from God.

Let it go.

Replace all fear with love.

This is the only thing your growth as a human boils down to. You were born to learn how to love. That is God's gift to you. God is trying to share it's Love with you. Do you dare allow it?

What is it going to take for you to Love? That is life's only question to you.

[cle103]

I had the exact same fear as you (I live in Germany where it's super unlikely as well). 

It started when I was a kid. We used to go to old castles and I never wanted to go into the torture chamber... 

The fear stayed with me until a couple months ago. Then there was a sudden realization where it came from: I subconsciously wanted to experience pain and torture because I viewed it as purification. It was punishment for my "sins". Therefore my psyche created a back and forth between "sinning" and being afraid of the punishment (torture). 

Ever since this realization the fear dropped. 

What I want to illustrate by this anecdote is: Get to the bottom of it. Find out where it comes from. Once you do that, letting it go becomes effortless. I know it's easier said than done. Try to contemplate, set the intent to find out and then go on with your life. That's what has worked for me at least  

I am trying to do the same thing with my fear of needles right now... 

So good luck! 

 

[StarStruck]

5 hours ago, Lento said:

@StarStruck

You're not actually afraid of the pain. You're afraid of the fear.

Think about it.

That is until your HARD wired survival instinct kicks in. We are all Buddhist monks until we end up in a brazen Roman bull. I get your point but I think it doesn’t apply to me. I’m not afraid of it right now but when being stuck in a torture scenario in my dreams or during a psychedelic trip it is hard to just accept it when the situation is unbearable. 
 

@cle103

That is how I developed my fear of torture too. I’m interested in history and there was even a time that I savored the history of torture by doing research. If I can recollect my thought it was like this: “I’m glad that I’m not stuck in a torture scenario. That is why I always must behave. And if people just want to torture me for no reason or false reasons (which happened in history) I must not give them the opportunity and commit suicide before they catch me”. I think you are right that I should dive deep into these thoughts. There might be some underlying reasons why these thoughts pop up. I had a difficult relation with my mother who would scorn me and pick fights with me for no reason. I don’t know if it is linked to that. I have to find out. Having said that I think everybody would fear what we fear. That is besides the point. 
 

 

Edited February 2, 2020 by StarStruck

[Leo Gura]

Let. It. Go.