Just a little bit of love

[SilentTears]

I am really interested in creating a positive, high vibrational space at my house. Went somewhere earlier today and the high energy and sent me into a state of high awareness, and good feelings thoughts. Like my body was on fire yet it was such a wonderful feeling. 

I’ve been wanting to share my thoughts lately, and this seemed like a good time to start a journal. 

 

This forum has many beautiful souls. Let’s share some love 

 

oh man, goals! 

Some goals I have for myself are 

1) creating a meditation habit 20min

2) learn to self-love 

3) enjoy life

[SilentTears]

I noticed how once I tap into higher states of vibrations it itself is very healing. My mind just starts reprogramming itself to look at the positivity of all things. Life just flows.

The purpose of this journal is to track my progress on my daily levels of love, joy, fulfillment, habits and other aspects I wish to cultivate. 

I have always been interested in learning about people’s journey and understanding where they are and how they have grown into the people they are today. 

I’m seeing how I want to write curtain aspects of myself for others to view me that way, but I must surrender since that feels the best. Let go of control to have control of your life haha

Edited January 31, 2020 by SilentTears

[SilentTears]

Yesterday,

20+min of meditation: yes!

Chanting: 20 min

mood: Overall I was content and mindful

notes:

1) I found this app called black lotus on this forum and I absolutely love it! My mind was sharp as a razor blade after practicing the chanting on the app. 

I talked to my friend who does a lot of chanting and is into the Hindu path. He was teaching me the meanings and how they work by calling the gods to us. (Long talk)

 

2) I found two books yesterday, one was “Ask and it is given” Abraham and esther are amazing. The other book was “The way of the superior man” by David Deida. I’ll read “ask and it is given” first... maybe  

3) I noticed that my addiction to reading fantasy novels is slowly fading and by not reading them I am much more mindful throughout my day. 

Thank you for reading  

[SilentTears]

Wow, I just want to say what is on my mind first before I start my journal of yesterday. 

Mandy, mandy, oh my, I was led to her videos in the past and they used to deeply affect me. I would just be in awe in how she could say things which would directly relate to my life. Just amazing. 

Her story part 1 hit me with this numbness feeling, I have felt this a few times before. Indescribable. You were meant to be there.

okay, now to start.

meditation: I didn’t sit down and meditate for 20 min, but throughout my day I would take time to just reconnect myself and do short meditations. 

chanting/ mantras: 12 min 

mood: I identified that I get annoyed whenever I’m hungry, but I can’t seem to get out of that mood unless I eat or wait it through. I waited it through and my mood comes back to being content and peaceful, but It feels unhealthy to be angry just because I’m hungry. This runs deep. I’m wondering what I could do to end this cycle I have built into myself from past years. 

Notes: 

1) I’m getting insights about what I should do or where I should go. 

I’ll somehow know to go somewhere on a set date and it will be an amazing experience. It’s like this strong feeling to do something a curtain way and it always works out. I feel that the more I tap into this the more I know. 

This varies quite a bit, but an example may be me wanting to know if I should do something or go somewhere and I’ll turn over and there will be a “YES” 

The reason I say it varies is because I could either follow the feeling into what I want to know or I can set the intention and I’ll get an answer like the example above

2) when chanting my head started to overheat and it reminded me of when I get into these states in which I’ll be talking super fast about profound things and my head starts to over heat. (Hahaha this sounds funny to read) 

3) For the past few months or so I’ve been having massive quantities of synchronicity‘s throughout my day. 

[SilentTears]

I just remembered something. 

So, I thought people were born with empathic abilities, but within the last month I’ve been leaching off my environments energy. 

An example of this may be, me going to a store and I’ll get super angry and as soon as I leave I’ll get back to being peaceful. It’s been affecting me more and more lately. Weird! Hahaha I THOUGHT WE WERE BORN WITH THESE ABILITIES! Ahekdhak it’s been becoming increasingly more pervasive throughout my day to day. 

 

Oh man! I went somewhere that had great great energy. It was a spiritual place, and man I started meditating when someone walked to a door and I felt their energy. Man that was intense. I was kinda excited 

fun times, I have more to share but that’s for a later date. 

[SilentTears]

Journal for yesterday and the day before yesterday,

meditation: 17 min and 30 min

chantting: 7 min total 

mood: I don't really remember overall I'm usually content and happy with life so I guess I'll add that. I did get into one of my states the other day. It's like a taste of "love" which gets me hyper. 

Notes:

1) Just a little bit of love. I sometimes feel love, at low amounts which still feels amazing and gets me hyper. I say "low" because I've had degress in which I have felt that ecstasy(love)

2) write my journal as daily instead of writing them for the day before

3) when I have the day off I'm usually more fulfilled and more content with my day then when I go to school. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to self acutulize when I come home. *bleh* I want to stay in the mindset of staying productive.

4) really debating about university right now. When I get into a pure love state I always tell myself that university is not for me and I see myself doing other things as my life purpose which will make me content, fulfilled and overall, just enjoying life more. I want to start a business.

Edited February 5, 2020 by SilentTears

[SilentTears]

I got nine minutes till the day is over. 

Some things I realized is love. Love is all that we seek. Love is all that we give. We each try to make more love in this world threw our own means. Love for oneself or for others is the question. My goal is so share love selflessly. To selflessly give all that love I can. 

“Love is all I can give” - Mandy, she said something like this in one of her videos and it has been a theme in my life lately. 

I speak of her a lot and I’ve gotten a little self conscious about it. “Does she think this about me” “do others think this when I talk of her” but deep down I don’t really care. Love is all I can ever give. Just love and just a little more love. 

A few days ago someone told me “there are snakes in the grass” meaning “fake” people. They said they will throw me under the bus without a second thought.

the first thought that went through my head is “I’m glad, I’m happy for them. Im glad they will be happy from that. They won’t get in trouble” something along those lines. My soul felt love for them. I am not sure who “them” are. 

Those are my ideals and values. ThAts how I want to feel and think all the time.

i again got the thought “remember the time I helped “blank”.” I wanted to share how I felt when I helped someone carry something down the street and how I felt whole and complete. How I saw the love in life. But thoughts came and asked “what if people think you are showing off” my auto reaction is to run from judgement of others. 

Love others and myself. Those judgements do not matter. They only feed my not so good feelings emotions. 

If self-love and love for others are my core values then anything that does not aline is not what I want. Anything that rejects or creates resistance towards my inner nature does not suit me. 

 Love the ones who love. Love the ones who breath. Love the ones who exist. Love just to love. Love because you know how love feels. Love for any reason. 

Goodnight forum. Thoughts come and go. It’s a matter of identifying and mindfulness of what comes into my awareness 

[SilentTears]

What is vs what "you" want

okay, so I was learning and it just hit me. It's so simple and we already knew! Just feel good and trust the universe. Omg, how simple. How many times have we heard that. When you tap into "it" some call it source energy, the vortex, or god. It's so simple, anything and everything you want in life is at your finger tips. Just focus on what you want. Just do the things that make you happy. What you believe is what you will experience. You can change that. Abraham hicks is amazing 

jorunal,

meditation: yesterday I meditated for 30 min and I'm about to do another session of 30 min.

channting: I'll do it when it comes to me

mood: oh my goodness, so wonderful. Life is just flowing for me. Everything is opening up and I'm just living my dream. The author is creating the story for himself. What do you want? What? You already have it? No fair. Hahaha. No sir, it's fair. 

Notes:

1) I am so fortunate to have learned what I have learned and to be able to actualiz my desires. I want to change this world where more people can learn and actulize their desires too. I'm grateful 

2) today I went on a field trip to some play at a community college and I could become aware of this present moment and notice how we get lost in our own creations. How you react to your own vibration is ironic sometimes. Everything can and will be perfectly perfect(it already is) if you just believe. Change how things happen by how you react and how you feel. You can change others to more of their desires by them just being near your amazing world. Co-creation. 

Edited February 8, 2020 by SilentTears

[SilentTears]

Feel good no matter what

jounral

meditation: yesterday 37 min broken up into three different meditations (will edit when I meditate later today)

chantting: 7 min (was hard to catch onto the words that were spoken)

mood: yesterday fairly pleasant. It's hard to put a number on pleasure. Today is going very smoothly and everything is working in my favor and benefit. Nicely done, Joseph. 

Notes:

1) life is great and just find that good feeling thought and ride it out for all it's worth. 

2) Abraham/ Esther hicks is amazing. I just bought two of her books off amazon 

3) when taking a shower today I got this feeling that reminded me of how I used to feel at my old place. It was a very present and mindful moment. Just everything is, thoughts stop flowing and you are. I realize that in rainy days I get hit with these mindful moments and that may be why I love the rain so much. 

[SilentTears]

It’s really nice, interesting, lovely and enjoyable to see my consciousness raise day by day. 

Short story, I’ve already had an awakening, raised my conscious and been through these things. I’m living and waking up again. It’s such a (everything and more) experience. Witnessing my awareness raise day by day just being this beautiful joy onto me. This is what kept me going the first time. 

I lost my way because I was so attached to material and everyday life. Seeing it’s illusion was really painful when one does not surrender. The groundless reality, understands the things I once did. 

(Typed “wow” and autocorrect to meow haha love cats) going through this process a second time, but this time I feel more grounded in this groundless reality. It kinda gets me excited when I think about it. I am observing this reality and it all seems to solid and real. It’s not,  Unless it is (for you). I’ve seen the illusion expect it’s just states of consciousness. There is no normal “state” everything just is. It flows into my experience. 

Whats even more interesting is how I forgot so much. Not until I raised my awareness did my memory come back of these moments. I seem to only remember what I once did when I reach that level. 

I’m just a beginner at this. Compared to others that is. I’ve got a long road and that’s so exciting. This never ending moment is so amazing I can’t express myself through words. 

I just love and love. I know tricks to bring myself into alinement. Meditation does wonders for me. 

 

Edit: a question came to me. Do others experience “feeling” like a force field put onto them where it’s just pure peace and it raises consciousness. Throughout my day I often feel like I’m bitch slapped with consciousness. Hahaha omg, that’s an amazing way to describe it. So perfect. 

Edited February 10, 2020 by SilentTears
Thoughts

[SilentTears]

Wow, I feel like something just exploded in my chest! So much love. I feel so connected to everything and everyone. Oh god I'm crying at the beauty. I love it so much. This moment is so amazing. I'm crying tears of joy. This is such a beautiful moment. I love you sooo much. I love you. I love you. Every person. I feel connected. Tapped in and turned on like Abraham hicks says. Nothing matters which makes it's so beautiful. No matter what you do it's already perfect. Omg do you see how perfect it is. My brain has like this lag of being able to express myself. I stoped crying Hahahaha. I felt like I just broke through a blockage and opened my heart. The fiery passion of love. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

?

[SilentTears]

That brought the biggest smile to my face. 

Thank you, and bless your existence.  I'm greatful to you. Have a wonderful day @Zigzag Idiot

[SilentTears]

Today was/is a wonderful day.

I want to first start off with some of my experiences 

1) I ended up thinking of a girl I used to like about a year ago and realized I still have attachments. I then flowed in the moment and tapped into something which led me to watch a tarot card reading and it was spot on. I’ve been getting more into tarot cards and astrology.

journal,

meditation: 20 min, surrendered to my own thoughts and expectations which Made the experience must smoother

no chanting

mood: felt quite a bit of love, got excited and danced a bit. Overall I am very content, loving and forgiving 

notes: 

1) this reminded me of what one friend told me one time. That I was the most forgiving person he met. I honestly see things in ways which don’t get me angry.  I always see from a forgiving and loving manner. Most of the time I see nothing to forgive. It’s one of the aspects I enjoy about myself. 

Calm and collected, forgiving and peaceful. 

2) one of my nicknames I gave myself and something I wish to become is “The pillar of peace”. Something people use to find peace within themselves. Pillars, some are truth and trust. It’s a concept I really enjoyed. Thinking of people’s characteristics as pillars. Are you a pillar in others life? Are they able to lean and get support from you in a nonjudgmental, loving way. Are you holding them up? Supporting people to their highest aspirations? Hopefully yeah.

 

[SilentTears]

You can channel your emotions, energy, vibrations into the words you type. I don’t think many people are aware of this and sometimes I unconsciously do so. Your feelings at that moment are imbedded into your text. So when people write books that can grab or push away someone’s attention. 

Its an interesting concept I’ve been playing with and I’ve found it to be true. 

An example of this would be self doubt about why you are writing what you are writing, which may push people away or make them less interested. It sounds kinda out there. I should actually check if it’s just a vibrational match that the person is connects to. What I mean by this is the reader connecting to the vibrations of the person at the time of writing or is she or he only connecting to the words own vibrations/ meaning stand alone.

the reason I believe this to be true is because I have felt people’s emotion through text. Which is quite surprising  from a view point from the average person. <— this only happened sometimes and it’s not a 100% going to happen every time kinda thing for me. 

The more I grow consciously the more things appear to me. 

[SilentTears]

Journal, 

meditation: 20 min

chantting: 7 min

notes first then mood

1) I'm noticing a spike in consisness that started a day or two ago. I'm coming to these realizations that I have already realized just forgot. I'm re remembering the things I once knew. I am "here" oh my god. My emotions and my experiences. Omg these realizations. I noticed how non of this matters. Why is it that the simplest things are so complex. Not complex just deep, it's like we graz over the simple things thinking "I already know that" without realizing how deep that thought experience goes. 

Just a little while ago I had another experience where I was aware of myself but I was watching myself act on My own. Doing impulse things while just observing. Identifying with the idea of myself. 

Im nothing that I'm having the same experiences as when I had my last awakening. I believe I'm starting to go through another one. Emotions, thoughts, experiences. Uninstalling the software and rebooting...

2) while writing that^^ my emotion shifted for a second of a peaceful non existence. Like nothing mattered and nothing existed besides my sense of thoughts. It's attachments. So peaceful. 

3) why is "fear" coming up when I think about the experiences of the past awakening? It disappeared when I focused on it. I have all these preconceived ideas about what I will and will not experience. Things I will realize and things I will have to drop? This is all thoughts. My emotions are like someone bumped into the pendulum. Oh shit... I can feel my emotions slowly swing. This is so odd . My awareness increases and drops. Like a wave. Hitting the wall. 

I go from grounded and collected to self conscious of my own actions.... basically I go from grounded to seeing the huge about of bullshit I have in myself. Noticing that made me fearful unknowingly. Once I've become aware I'm no longer fearful. Why do I care about others judgements. I think that's something that is getting brought up to the surface. My autoreactions to try and protect this "self". 

Take care of yourself guys

mood: I've been feelings extremely pleasant, right as I was writing this I started to have a mini purging of my bullshit which caused me to unconsciously react at a subconscious level of protecting my sense of self. Becoming aware of my own bullshit is something else man. Oh shit. As I experience these things I'm getting hit with my past memories I once forgot. It's like I'm getting a head start. Omg. Why can we only see things at curtain levels of consciousness. I swear I just saw something that made my mind blank but I can't remember or recall what I saw. "So it's that" "what was that" a perfect description would be catching a glimpse of the ox. I teared up, yet it seems so.

wow, wow... a feel myself resisting the process. Let go! I think by typing I'm holding onto "this".

Wish me luck

(my mind is empty) no thoughts. I'm "jumping" from a state of just pure beings and isness to mind chatter. I realize then realize again. WORDS don't seem to do justice. I'm gunna be purging a lot of bullshit I can feel it and see it. "i" want . I want. I want. Self criticizing thoughts. Damn, I never realized. shadow work? Is this shadow work?

Edited February 12, 2020 by SilentTears
There is no reason edit. Just is

[SilentTears]

I just realized. I am attracted to women who have aspects that are a reflection of my inner self. Why "inner" I don't know. Maybe just "self" inner implies a "higher" and more loving side. Yeah, that's what I meant. The aspects I love about myself I unconsciously look for in women. I am looking for myself Hahahaha. I am looking for a female "me" hahaha omg. Hahahah. 

Im "seeing" more like. Oh my god. I feel like I've been sleeping this whole time. Just now "seeing" what was already there. 

If Anyone reads this (I keep shifting between thoughts and my realizations for there to be others) is everything just thought and awareness? Am I just a thought that beliefs in itself. What am I? What am I? "I am not sure" that is just an excuses I'm playing to not focus on what I am! My beliefs and expectations are having resistance towards my realizations. I'll have to drop one. Why? My beliefs of what "is" which I believe is mostly bullshit. "Believe". Emotions. I saw this one video a while back about the dark night of the soul and the person, girl, called it the dark night of the ego. I believe I'm starting that process(again). i want to say everything and more and nothing and just become "is". My two desires are clashing. I don't care anymore. Where does this experience of caring even come from. Oh and here comes my self criticism. Oh shit. Awareness is like godly. How have I never seen this before?! I'm laughing. 

im gunna play some music to see how it effects my... just be

Edited February 12, 2020 by SilentTears

[SilentTears]

Some crazy shit. Man. Oh i feel empowered and wonderful about life. 

I am reading “The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent”... godly stuff. Haha it was very mind opening for myself. I remember when I first got it I was like “I already know all this” so whenever I read it I would always flip to random pages about stuff I already knew. Threw the book aside for that day and then I got my attention grabbed again. Only a few days later - today. I started reading it and my god. There is so much to learn. I had a belief and that belief created my reality. I let go and dropped some resistance and so many wonderful insights and love came together to manifest in my experiences. 

Never let anyone, and I mean anyone tell you what to do or how to act. Never ever let them tell you what you can and can’t do. Let yourself thrive and just have faith that everything is gunna be alright. Screw all that bullshit(society) and focus on what you want. I just want to clarify that I’m not hating on the low consciousness of society. I love it. It’s perfect. Because of that I have “this” there was no other way but to have it like this. 

 

[SilentTears]

Much has happened since Wednesday, yet not really. 

So I'll start off with some notes 

notes 

1) There are things I want to say, but I feel like they are sacred. It doesn't feel right to share

journal, 

meditations: I did something today. Maybe 30+ maybe 45+ min idk. Wasn't tracking it and I did a few throughout my day. 

Delt a lot with thoughts

mood: has my ups and downs... and ups. Hahaha << that's from a "The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent". 

Some general notes:

1) I ended up working out today and going for a run which I haven't done in a few months. Maybe once or twice in the last three months. I ended it wanting to throw up and had to sit for a while. When I did walk it felt... yeah, you get the point. I ended up pushing myself and I wasn't anything like I used to be. 

Being in cross country and boxing only a few months ago made me think I still got what I did. I'm pretty slim now. It will probably only take a week or two to get back in a good feeling place. I'm lucky I tone fast. 

 

[SilentTears]

So, I saw a ghost

haha I’m serious. 

Notes

1) on my way home from the movies we passed by a graveyard(found out right as we were passing it) and I saw someone, a slim figure I could make out their outfit. It looked like a blue windbreaker and  Jeans. It was an open field so there was no where to hide or really go out of sight. We passed one of the only trees and it disappeared.... no one believed me T-T cool experience since I used to see ghost as a kid

meditation: 30 min or so

mood: extremely well. Just enjoying life. Had a “down” moment for a little bit, but that just made my experience that much better by experiencing the contrast