how do i filter girls?

[Viking]

i seek a relationship right now because i want to feel love and to fulfill my needs, but also because I've been living in a bubble and i feel stuck and i feel like i need an outside source to break through to the next stage of my life, as nothing in life interests me because im emotionless (except with women).

the problem is that im somewhat isolated and i dont know how to judge people properly and i dont know whether im attracted to a person or not. i also can't allow myself to get closer to girls for some reason.

i have been on my first ever date 2 months ago (im a virgin and never kissed a girl) and the girl definitely liked me but i didn't know how to know if i like her or not. at one point she asked if she could hold my hand and i told her no because i didnt want her to think that i like her and hurt and confuse her later. the date itself was good, i am good at making people laugh and having conversation but when it comes to intimacy i cant know what to do and im afraid to fake my feelings or do things that i dont really want to do.

[Dwarniel]

Sounds like you need some experience. Hard to know what you like/want/need without it.. Maybe just get out there, and be honest with the girls you meet about your feelings/confusion/emotional unavailability.

[Forestluv]

@Viking

To me, this sounds like a great opportunity to explore dating and feelings. You two are openly communicating with each other and enjoy your time together. You can go slow and test things out. 

It's great that you want to genuinely express your feelings to her and you are concerned about her welfare. Yet it you want to explore possibilities with her, you will need to put yourself in positions to explore romantic intimacy. 

Some people do not feel sexual/romantic attraction until they get to know someone and form bonds. You may have this orientation. Once you start getting to know her, feelings of attraction may arise - or maybe not. The only way to find out is to try it and and see what happens.

It's totally fine to tell her that you enjoy spending time with her, yet are unsure if you like her. You can tell her that you would like to explore that possibility with her. She now knows that romantic feelings may or may not arise - if she is interested in exploring the possibility with you, go for it! It's totally fine to test things out by holding hands or kissing and then later finding out that you just aren't feeling it and don't want to continue dating. 

Your first "experiment" doesn't need to be a threesome at a swinger's club. It's totally fine to start slow. Hold hands and see how it feels. Does it feel good? Do you want to pause and soak it in? Do you desire more? See how the two of you respond together. Does it seem like there is chemistry?  Perhaps you get to the kissing stage. See how it feels. Perhaps bodily sensations arise that feel good. Perhaps not. . . Try it out together. You two may want to keep progressing, or you two may decide that the chemistry isn't there and a friendship would be better. 

You will have your own personal signs that you like her. For me, if I like a gal the day after the date I think about our time together and it feels good. I feel like sending her a positive text. Maybe something nice about our date or just to wish her a good day. Something she said may appear in my day. For example, may she said her favorite animal is koala bears and I see a koala bear in a store. I may have a desire to get it for her, because I want her to feel good. I may day dream about her. I may imagine us lying on a beach together watching a sunset. I may desire to experience that with her. I'll have a desire to see her again and get closer to her. . . These are genuine feelings of attraction for me. Of course "noise" may arise. Like I may feel fear that she won't like me. Or I may be worried that things won't work out. Yet I don't let these types of insecurities and fears stop me from moving closer to her if I have genuine interest. 

[Meetjoeblack]

11 hours ago, Viking said:

i seek a relationship right now because i want to feel love and to fulfill my needs, but also because I've been living in a bubble and i feel stuck and i feel like i need an outside source to break through to the next stage of my life, as nothing in life interests me because im emotionless (except with women).

the problem is that im somewhat isolated and i dont know how to judge people properly and i dont know whether im attracted to a person or not. i also can't allow myself to get closer to girls for some reason.

i have been on my first ever date 2 months ago (im a virgin and never kissed a girl) and the girl definitely liked me but i didn't know how to know if i like her or not. at one point she asked if she could hold my hand and i told her no because i didnt want her to think that i like her and hurt and confuse her later. the date itself was good, i am good at making people laugh and having conversation but when it comes to intimacy i cant know what to do and im afraid to fake my feelings or do things that i dont really want to do.

I am attracted when I go from 6 o'clock  to 12 o'clock ?! 

She likely presumed you we're awkward. Just get more confidence. Approach lots. Date more. Get a rotation. Have lots of sex. Then, pick your choice after you know what you want. 

[Preety_India]

Don't start dating If you're not really ready for it. 

Go out with those women that you are attracted to and you have something in common to share with them. 

These hangouts are just futile. 

Maybe go out with someone that you get to know better via call or text.. 

 

[Leo Gura]

You need a lot of practice physically escalating on a girl in a noncreepy way. Learning how to touch her is crucial for success. Touching is so important. Start touching her with 3 seconds of meeting her and don't let up. Escalate your touching all throughout the date.

Google: "kino escalation ladder"

You need to learn kino

You need to take every chance you can to touch her to make her comfortable with your touch. Start with playful, non-erotic touching, then ramp it up to the heavy stuff.

[Harikrishnan]

40 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You need a lot of practice physically escalating on a girl in a noncreepy way. Learning how to touch her is crucial for success. Touching is so important. Start touching her with 3 seconds of meeting her and don't let up. Escalate your touching all throughout the date.

Google: "kino escalation ladder"

You need to learn kino

You need to take every chance you can to touch her to make her comfortable with your touch. Start with playful, non-erotic touching, then ramp it up to the heavy stuff.

@Leo Gura have u ever withhold information regarding relationship and Pua etc coz its radical and people here dont understand and will attack you for it.

[Leo Gura]

55 minutes ago, Harikrishnan said:

@Leo Gura have u ever withhold information regarding relationship and Pua etc coz its radical and people here dont understand and will attack you for it.

Not really

People already have plenty to attack me for.

I'm not a politically correct guy.

[Viking]

@Leo Gura i think you didn't get it. SHE was the one trying to hold MY hand and i refused.

i might have been attracted to her, but something in my mind was blocking me from getting on with her.

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Go out with those women that you are attracted to and you have something in common to share with them

what's the difference between that and a date?

@Meetjoeblack i can't get myself to have sex because first, im a virgin and im afraid, and second i can't make up my mind about a girl whether i want to have sex with her or not.

i think maybe part of the problem is that i know that some girls get hurt if guys only have sex with them, so i have to be really careful about who i have sex with. i hate when people are attached to me or if i have obligations to people.

also im afraid to be disgusted by her body (as I've watched porn since i was 12 ) and ruin her self esteem. i stopped watching porn for 2 months or so now

Edited January 30, 2020 by Viking

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Viking said:

@Leo Gura i think you didn't get it. SHE was the one trying to hold MY hand and i refused.

i might have been attracted to her, but something in my mind was blocking me from getting on with her.

what's the difference between that and a date?

@Meetjoeblack i can't get myself to have sex because first, im a virgin and im afraid, and second i can't make up my mind about a girl whether i want to have sex with her or not

Are you into blind dating? 

You can make your boundaries clear early on and only go out with those who are okay with it. I don't think that every woman who you're dating immediately wants to grab your hand. You could go out with those who are also not sexually attracted to you (haha), but jokes aside, if you just want a connection then don't rush with dating, get friendly with the person in call and text, that's all. That doesn't involve  physical contact. Get friendly with women around you. 

 

[Viking]

@Preety_India i dont have problems with touch i think. i have problems with commitment. for me having sex or kissing with someone means serious commitment

[Preety_India]

@Viking so you lack honesty. That's typical. 

What you need is authenticity, honesty, integrity, openness and sincerity. 

Tell the person that you date that you just don't want a relationship. You are not ready for commitment. 

That will make it easier for you to find a like minded person and for the other person to make the right choices for themselves. 

Honesty is always the best policy. Will never get you in trouble 

[Viking]

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Viking so you lack honesty. That's typical. 

What you need is authenticity, honesty, integrity, openness and sincerity. 

Tell the person that you date that you just don't want a relationship. You are not ready for commitment. 

That will make it easier for you to find a like minded person and for the other person to make the right choices for themselves. 

Honesty is always the best policy. Will never get you in trouble 

i told her that what i want is to experience new things, she knew my situation fully and she told me she doesn't expect anything, but i didn't believe her. she can't control her feelings and she still might've been hurt.

also a big thing was that i was afraid I would get disgusted by her body (as i never seen a naked girl irl) and hurt her a lot by this

Edited January 30, 2020 by Viking

[Preety_India]

@Viking

28 minutes ago, Viking said:

i told her that what i want is to experience new things, she knew my situation fully and she told me she doesn't expect anything, but i didn't believe her. she can't control her feelings and she still might've been hurt.

also a big thing was that i was afraid I would get disgusted by her body (as i never seen a naked girl irl) and hurt her a lot by this

Are you for real? You haven't seen a naked woman in real life?! What's your age? 

You definitely got a long way to go. You aren't ready for dating yet if you still feel concerned about a woman's body. 

Try getting comfortable around woman. Start with normal friendships rather than dating. Make friends with tons of girls online offline. 

Video chat with girls. Try to get to know the female world. 

If you are studying/working, approach women there. 

But you gotta upgrade your social community skills big time to enter the dating battleground. 

Immerse yourself into the world of people like go visit your local club/pub, try to hang around people. That way you will come across someone who is ready to get personal with you just for casual reasons so that it's okay to hurt them or reject them because they are not serious anyway. That way you get some initial experience with the female body and female companionship and female intimacy. 

If you don't practice right away, you might face problems with intimacy in the future with your partner/relationship. 

So you need to get out more often out there and expose yourself to people there and get to know them well. 

Watch porn without getting addicted to it. 

Get used to women as much as possible so you don't feel shy around them

Remember you have to go through multiple relationships (a first time great relationship is blind luck) in order for you to get that wonderful soulmate with whom you can start your life journey. 

There is nothing more beautiful than a wonderful uplifting relationship. It adds great value to life. 

[Viking]

@Preety_India im 21

and what im doing right now is actually chatting with girls online, ive been doing it for the past few months but i never got full nudes (only half) because the girls that happened to talk to me aren't into sending them, or im not good at getting them lol I don't know.

i have been watching porn since i was 12 though, but I've got desensitized to it so now even if girls do send me pics im not aroused. meaning i made a big distinction between real life and porn so porn doesn't help.

12 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If you don't practice right away, you might face problems with intimacy in the future with your partner/relationship. 

this is exactly my worry and it makes everything even harder because im more nervous.

13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Immerse yourself into the world of people like go visit your local club/pub, try to hang around people. That way you will come across someone who is ready to get personal with you just for casual reasons so that it's okay to hurt them or reject them because they are not serious anyway. That way you get some initial experience with the female body and female companionship and female intimacy. 

yes actually im uncomfortable in social situations. im usually silent and dont talk to anyone. people scare me and i dont trust them

[tsuki]

@Viking Stop imagining obstacles. Don't listen to people who say that "you're not ready". You are never ready for anything until you have experience and you can't have experience of multiple successful relationships. You can only have experience of multiple failed relationships.
Go out there and start talking to girls. That is the only way.

22 hours ago, Viking said:

the problem is that im somewhat isolated and i dont know how to judge people properly and i dont know whether im attracted to a person or not. i also can't allow myself to get closer to girls for some reason.

Start with physical attractiveness that grabs your attention.
Spend some time with her and see if you mesh well.

If you're ultimately interested in a long-term relationship, then it's easier if you have dating experience because you can triangulate the issues you bring into a relationship.

22 hours ago, Viking said:

but i didn't know how to know if i like her or not.

Did you enjoy yourself when you were talking? Would you go and have fun on another date? If yes, then you like her.

22 hours ago, Viking said:

at one point she asked if she could hold my hand and i told her no because i didnt want her to think that i like her and hurt and confuse her later

That is not how women think in my experience. That is how men think.
She is not trying to create a mental picture of you, she is probably just trying to have fun.
By telling her that she can't hold your hand, you probably hurt her (unintentionally).
Women are usually much more emotionally intelligent and they understand that what you feel right now is not what you ought to feel in the future.

22 hours ago, Viking said:

i cant know what to do and im afraid to fake my feelings or do things that i dont really want to do.

Don't fake your feelings. Express them. They are what you are.
If you're interested in long-term relationships, you cannot aim to fake your feelings.
If you attract people by putting on masks, then you will never attract anybody worth hanging out with (because they are not hanging out with you).

Edited January 30, 2020 by tsuki

[Preety_India]

37 minutes ago, Viking said:

@Preety_India im 21

 

i have been watching porn since i was 12 though, but I've got desensitized to it so now even if girls do send me pics im not aroused. meaning i made a big distinction between real life and porn so porn doesn't help.

 

yes actually im uncomfortable in social situations. im usually silent and dont talk to anyone. people scare me and i dont trust them

I think the best solution is to stay away from porn for a while if you have gotten so used to it. 

That does interfere with how you imagine things in real life. It's only needed in the early learning phase and after that you need to take a break from it or else it will cloud your judgement and feelings. 

The discomfort in social situations is coming from either lack of exposure or from social anxiety. 

Not being able to trust people is completely understandable in this day and age. 

Have you ever explored how you would feel in a relationship just in your mind? Maybe you feel that you might get hurt by a girlfriend. Is that a subconscious fear inside your mind? 

Take it easy. If you are afraid that you will get hurt, remember that relationships are never perfect just like anything else in life. You will buy a TV and it doesn't last forever, but you still buy TV right? People die in aeroplane crashes but they still book flights right? 

Same way. Even in relationships you will have major pitfalls and drawbacks, hurt, betrayals, failures. 

But I'll tell you the advantages of having a relationship 

• You grow as a person 
• You come to know what's lacking in you 
• You get maturity about life, society and the world. 
• You learn to avoid bad toxic relationships 
• You make better choices in relationships as time goes by and with more relationship experience. 
• Your social skills of communication, body image, body language improve 
• You learn to value yourself more 
• You understand human nature better. 
• Every relationship makes you stronger 

 

The downside is of course it consumes your time and energy and can leave you exhausted uninterested if you have multiple failed relationships. 

But don't get upset by the downsides of dating and relationships. 

Be open and honest and prepared to take the challenges of relationships. 

It takes time. 

Good luck and have a nice day 

[Meetjoeblack]

On 1/30/2020 at 2:51 AM, Leo Gura said:

You need a lot of practice physically escalating on a girl in a noncreepy way. 

Its Russian roulette in the false accusations era of me too. Aziz comedian gets a bj then she metoos him after ?! 

The level of stupidity in modern dating is beyond outrageous. 

I found treating esculation with a girl like recipe. I narrate instructions like Robert munch. 

Compliance is king! ?! Or next set! 

[Meetjoeblack]

On 1/30/2020 at 4:32 AM, Leo Gura said:

Not really

People already have plenty to attack me for.

I'm not a politically correct guy.

Canadas president is PC and he got caught doing black face 3x.  ?