Self Doubt From Self Analysis

[Durka_Durka]

I don't know whether anyone else has been feeling this way too, but I feel like, since I've started Personal Development about a year ago, I've discovered aspects of my own personality which have led me to really start to doubt myself and even at times really hate who I am. When I hear about how I "should" be thinking and how I "should" be acting (I understand that I must stop saying these "shoulds" but they are just there for reference) in order to be sucessful and self-actualise as a person. I start to see that I have enormous trouble with feeling inadequate, jealousy, fear of pretty much everything remotely risky like starting a business, making a big life change, doing something nice but bold in public etc. 

This realisation that my troubles run far deeper than I thought and seeing just how fucked up I really am even though my childhood wasn't exactly troubled in a monetary sense or anything like that. 

I think that this almost discourages me from doing Self Analysis because it really scares me. I know this all sounds stupid and like I'm an absolute pussy which isn't what I want. I really do want to carry on with Personal Development, find my life purpose and strive towards self-actualisation but this fear of delving deeper into my brain is crippling me. 

Any thoughts would be great and feel free to give me a verbal slap across the face if you think I need it haha

[Saarah]

@Durka_Durka Well all the inadequacy feeling could be because you're comparing yourself now to who you strive to be and the expectation is causing you to judge yourself right now 

the paradox of personal development is you have to love yourself as you are right now, no changes, but at the same time strive for improvement 

maybe your problem is you're only focused on improvement but not acceptance of yourself as you are right now, so check out Leo's videos on self acceptance to start working on that

Now I don't think you need this, but because you mentioned it, I can't resist.... *slap*  

Edited June 14, 2016 by Saarah
Autocorrect puts words in my mouth

[ElvisN]

@Durka_Durka Ideally I'd recommend getting some counselling or therapy. You have deep self esteem problems, and it'd help you much to find an expert on it to help you. This will help you self actualise much faster than doing it alone, and will save you a lot of wasted time and frustration.

Read Nathaniel Branden's The Six Pillars of Self Esteem. This is THE book to read on self esteem. The author had half a century of experience and practice in the field. He knows what he's talking about.

Those two things are the higher level things. Now, some specifics:

Try this exercise: write down in a journal all the drives and motivations you have. You want to self actualise? Write it down. You want to develop yourself? Write it. Want love, connection, or intimacy? Write. List ALL of them. This is one of the most important exercises to develop greater self understanding. You can only gain freedom from your "shackles" if you gain awareness of them.

Now, some of those drives are probably superficial and have a deeper drive driving them. Make sense? For example, you want to pursue self development, but you're pursuing it because you unconsciously want to become good enough or adequate. For each of your drives gauge whether you seek that thing because you want it out of love, or out of need.. whether you're seeking it because if you don't you'll experience fear or low self esteem or inadequacy or loneliness. Let us call these Negative Drives.

You have these negative drives because of some trauma (mild or serious) in your past that caused you to have unconscious mechanisms to protect you. All your drives, both positive and negative, originate from your subconscious mind.

Once you've identified all your negative drives, sit down to do this visualization exercise to help eliminate the negative drive, one at a time.

As you visualize, have in mind what your negative drive is.

Visualize flying up from where you are now to the event in your past that you think is responsible for creating the negative drive, as an impartial outside observer. No one can see you from the past, but you can see everyone else, including yourself. Note how you were feeling.

This next part is important. Identify the lesson that that event taught you about life. The lesson is going to replace the unconscious mechanism. Let an object like a diamond symbolise the lesson and suck it into your heart and stomach area and feel it replacing your unconscious negative drive.

Next, fly out of that place and time travel through the years leading to your present life, visualizing how your behavior and your life have changed as a result of learning that lesson.

Note: Credit for this exercise should go to Leo Gura from his Life Purpose Course, and he got it from Bill Harris.

Do this exercise for all of your negative drives.

[charlie2dogs]

14 hours ago, Durka_Durka said:

I don't know whether anyone else has been feeling this way too, but I feel like, since I've started Personal Development about a year ago, I've discovered aspects of my own personality which have led me to really start to doubt myself and even at times really hate who I am. When I hear about how I "should" be thinking and how I "should" be acting (I understand that I must stop saying these "shoulds" but they are just there for reference) in order to be sucessful and self-actualise as a person. I start to see that I have enormous trouble with feeling inadequate, jealousy, fear of pretty much everything remotely risky like starting a business, making a big life change, doing something nice but bold in public etc. 

This realisation that my troubles run far deeper than I thought and seeing just how fucked up I really am even though my childhood wasn't exactly troubled in a monetary sense or anything like that. 

I think that this almost discourages me from doing Self Analysis because it really scares me. I know this all sounds stupid and like I'm an absolute pussy which isn't what I want. I really do want to carry on with Personal Development, find my life purpose and strive towards self-actualisation but this fear of delving deeper into my brain is crippling me. 

Any thoughts would be great and feel free to give me a verbal slap across the face if you think I need it haha

if you were existing and functioning in the moment of life this nonsense that is running through you head wouldnt be there.

[Natasha]

@Durka_Durka It's the ego (mind-created sense of self, false identity) that is scared shitless when being discovered and exposed for what it is. Be aware of it. Self-actualization is developing your ego in a responsible way, integrating and including it, and transcending it.

Meditation, mindfulness, staying in the present moment will help you tame your 'monkey mind'.