Judgment That Causes Pain

[Raquel]

“When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying, ‘You’re too this, or I’m too this.’ That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.” Ram Dass

I guess we all aim for this ability : not judge..accept the way things are.

Not judge is impossible. Judgement is a tool of the mind that can help us and also harm us. We basically judge everything that our awareness catch and we label it as save, unsafe, pretty, ugly, like, dislike, good, bad and so on ..nonstop. and it gets even more judgmental when it comes to humans. I personally struggle with this. Feels like my hearth, soul and mind decide to worked together to judge in this point. And even if I think that is not affecting me, I look deeper and see that is actually causing me some pain. 

Practice turning people into trees is a lot easier than it was but still a lot of work to be done here..I guess because I also can't see myself as a tree yet  

Would like to hear your opinions about this. How you deal with the judgment that your mind does about yourself and others? Do you realise the judgments that cause you pain? How do you overcome it?

Thanks guys

 

[Saarah]

@Raquel Just noticing the judgement is enough, you don't have to even try to not judge, being aware is a giant step in itself. Especially since most people don't realise they judge people or things a lot of the time.

I get inspired when I listen to Alan Watts saying we are all just like the different elements in nature, just like your tree analogy, it tells us that whatever a person or thing is like, we don't have to come up with stories to justify their ways, we just have to be aware that they're a product of reality and 'so and so' thing is the way that it is because that's reality.

Your only job is to do nothing about it and need nothing from it. Just accept it.

[vizual]

I like how Alan Watts talks about reality being this chess game where God only has himself to play with.  So for the game to be fun he has to find a way to convince his left hand that it's separate from his right hand and vice versa, even though they are still a part of the same nervous system. 

What separates me and you? A thought. But our physical appearances appear in the same thing called 'being' or 'experience' or whatever. But that thought(or judgment) also arises in this same being. So judgments are a part of "the game", so to say. 

It is possible for judgments to subside eventually out of your experience, it's when you recognize your true nature of being. 

[FindingPeace]

18 hours ago, Raquel said:

Not judge is impossible.

It is possible and there are plenty of people out there who don't judge to any significant degree. It's on a spectrum. Some people are compulsive judgers and others less so. Personally I've never really felt the need to judge. It just doesn't serve any pupose to me. In fact I generally dislike any forms of judgement, particularly towards people. It isn't necessary.

I'm not perfect, I do at times catch myself making fairly trivial judgements. I became aware of this many years ago and wondered to myself what would happen if I just stopped doing it. Literally, if I felt a judgment comming on I would focus my attention away from it an see what happens. What did happen? Nothing. I mean nothing happened. Reality didn't change, Whether I made a judgment or not, reality was still the way it was. The thing I also noticed was that judgments only serve to make us feel worse. Never better. So by not doing it, I generally felt better about life.

So why do we do it at all? Many reasons. Mostly because it's a way of diverting attention from looking inwards. It's easier to look outwards and take attention away from ourselves. It's a way of self-elevating our egos. A way of invalidating those things that we secretly want but don't or can't have - by judging it in a negative way we tell ourselves that we don't want it (when secretly we do). Or we judge to maintain our self-image and our ego. To be self-righteous. To protect our identity by drawing attention to those things that conflict with it. It's a way to avoid taking responsibility for creating a life for ourselves by looking outwardly at everything and everyone else. A form of procrastination. A form of defensiveness.

We don't have to do it. If we spend more time concerning ourselves with our own life, being a creator and stop being so protective and defensive of our identities. I personally don't care what else goes on in the world, or what others are doing with themselves. it's their life and is of no consquence to me. And even if it is of consequence, it is what it is. Who am I to pass criticism or judgment? What right do I have? Who made me that important?

Our opinions are our own. Reality doesn't care what they are. Neither does anyone else. They are fictions from our imagination. They have no intrinsic value or significance. At all. Whether we have an opinion or not bares no consequence on reality. So why waste our engery and emotions on them?

At the end of the day, all a judgment is, is a comparison of our own self-agenda against the reality we percieve in front of us. And it's completely subjective and in the eye of the beholder. It has no bearing on reality.

Try an experment. The next time you feel the need to judge, just see what happens if you let the thought go and move on. Notice the thought, accept the thought, then let it go. Carry on with your day. Do this for a whole day and notice the difference it makes. Be dismissive of your judgment, don't take them seriously. Just remind yourself that reality is what it is and does what it does, regardless of what you think of it. You are a part of reality. You do what you do and are the way you are. Do you want to be judged for that? Or do you want to be free to be yourself? Just like everything and everyone else does. Free of judgement.

The bottom line is that the degree to which you are judgmental is directly related to the degree to which you are not taking responsibility for your own life and are passing that responsiblility outwards on to other people and circumstances. The more responsibility you take the less you need to judge. It becomes a non-issue.

[Raquel]

12 minutes ago, FindingPeace said:

It is possible and there are plenty of people out there who don't judge to any significant degree. 

Thanks for your comment. Very insightfull. 

I never met anyone that doesn't judge. That's our ability to read the world around us and protect ourselfs.. doesn't have to be particurally bad! Otherwise for example i would walk in a poor neiborhood  with 1milion dollars in my hand  thinking that nobody would robe me right? And why don't we? Or how someone became our friend? Some judgment made us realized that this person was nice to us. 

What I feel is more like even if the judgment is good or bad is still there.. usually along with my caring side. Doesn't affect me in a deeper sense of inner feeling but influence my decisions and acts. 

[Mal]

@Raquel

Hi Raquel,

Judgement is fine and necessary. 

What causes unnecessary strife is fixed beliefs and adherence to view. 

A little flexibility over thought and were just fine. Judgement itself is included in all things as part of the whole. 

Mal

[FindingPeace]

On 15/06/2016 at 4:49 PM, Mal said:

Judgement is fine and necessary.

Judgment is neither good or bad. But it isn't largely a healthy thing, nor is it necessary. Let's make a distinction between judgment and preference. It is totally healthy in life to have preferences. To be inclined towards somethings and disinclined towards others. What these things are depends on our individual values But judgment is the imposition of those values on to the outer world. That isn't necessary. Preferences are internal and personal. They are about the individual. They are not about the rest of reality. To comparing reality it to personal values and then to label reality as eitehr 'good' (or inline with values) or 'bad' (or in opposition to values) may help you to make desicions in life, but fundamentally it closes off avenues of reality to you as well as creates a sense of dissonance whenever you encounter things in opposition. It compartmentalises reality.

Just to add. It would be extremely difficult to stop judgment completely. But any amount that it can be minimized will have positive consequences on someone's life.

Edited June 17, 2016 by FindingPeace

[Mal]

@FindingPeace Well said! Thanks for your thoughts on the subject. 

Mal

[Ayla]

It is indeed part of human nature to judge. Ultimately, to judge is to think. To label. To attach.

Now once you have found out who you really are, there's nobody to be the judge or the judged... so judging simply stops. 

You will also notice that bodily senses alone know what and when to do by themselves (judging for example when to get hand out of fire or eyes out of too much light, etc) 

 

[Donald]

What I really  find funny is when I tell myself : I Should Not Judge ; but you know what I've noticed that sometimes it feels more true /right to judge .

[Mal]

@FindingPeace @FindingPeace

HI again my friend,

I was in two minds whether or not to respond to your insight. Normally I don't push a point unless I feel it's necessary, and I also avoid trying to give the impression that I'm generally "up for" debates.   But I'm going to throw caution to the wind and make another comment here in response to yours.  Just to clarify my first comment too as I perhaps I did not originally offer enough information. This may be helpful to you, it may not. Let's see, I hope it is helpful because this is my intent. 

Judgement is actually fine.  It's part of what is, part of the ego, the ego, believe it or not, is a perfect expression of the divine.  In my experience the ego and it's movements are best not tampered with. It's always best to co-operate with it than to fight it or try to control it. 

If anybody is finding their ego difficult I invite them to just sit and really accept that they are judgemental, and that who they are, what their position is, their development upto this point in time, their "cosmic address", their judgement of another person or another values system is just fine as it is.  Its what is meant to be.

If we practice this kind of radical acceptance of what is right now we find we come out of judgement very easily, transcend it and this allows more of reality in. This way we can transcend and integrate the opposite forces which are continually pulling us in opposite directions.  As you say, judgement does compartmentalise reality, buy fighting judgement fragments the self even more.

Try it, see what happens. 

Mal

 

[Extreme Z7]

Judgement is stupid.

Don't do it. Only stupid people do it.

(This is just a dumb sarcastic joke for laughs. I have nothing else to say, carry on. . .)

Edited June 18, 2016 by Extreme Z7

[LiakosN]

What judgement really is, is when you equate someone with you own label.. I.e someone might tell you very often lies, because of fear.. When you say that this person is a liar, and then you define this person by your label, you then are trapped in your own mind. You have mistaken the essence of that person, who he or she is with your label and then,of course,you act him according. to your label.. 

Edited June 19, 2016 by LiakosN