Some family issues

[Alfonsoo]

my father was sending me to a trip with some friends(he’s not going). Everything is paid for and there really is no way to gat money back. This was paid and planned like 4 months ago. Recently I got extremely sick from the lungs. I’ve been on some medication. Also there are some money problems in the family. So I decided to not go to the trip even though it’s paid for because it’s an extremely cold climate and I’ll get even worse and I don’t want to spend more money on the trip as we can’t afford it (but my father says not to worry) this plus some other problems like missing many days of school, and I’m bout to date someone and missing out so many days is going to turn cold out thing. My father got really angry calling me ungrateful among other things. He won’t understand I don’t want him to spend money we don’t have on the trip, plus I’m really very sick and the cold won’t help. I starting o think I should go just to keep him calm. He even started to cry when I said it wasn’t a good idea to go. Only like 1000 dollars would be lost (from hotels and planes) 

what do you think I should do?  I really feel like I shouldn’t go, it isn’t that big of a deal, but is it with it having a real really big fight with my father?
 

Sorry for the low consciousness questions but this is a great and loving community always willing to help ❤️

[randomguy123]

Idk, it's difficult, we can't make decisions for you. Remember that things are not that black and white, going or not going. Maybe you can conceive of scenario that would meet in the middle or one that consists of you not going, yet keeping the peace. Things are difficult when your parents try to emotionally manipulate you in to doing something.

Maybe try to work out your feelings towards your parents. For example, when he calls you ungrateful. Do you believe that this on some level is true? If you feel like this is the case, you will try to please him and be a good son. If you have worked this out and recognized how grateful you are towards him, you can see right through this bullshit and calmly express your gratitude in another way.

I feel like a lot of this depends on how grounded in reality you are, how much you can see what is really going on. So many parents have a back and forth relationship with their kids, just manipulating each other. It can be a huge mess. Getting honest with yourself on what is true in your relationship with your dad, what is overblown, what is manipulative, where you are coming up short is the key I think. it will help you cultivate a better relationship with your dad in the long run, but maybe not in the short run.

This is never easy, best of luck!

 

[Preety_India]

I think it's best to not go. Disappointing someone even a family member is just fine, especially when you don't feel like doing it. Trusting your instinct is key 

I feel like you could get sicker if you went. And you are on point about the money. That's not very small amount to just spend it on something pointless.. 

I have an idea. You could postpone this. Tell your dad not to be upset and that you will save those 1000 dollars for a wonderful trip in the near future like maybe 6 months later, when you are feeling fit and happy. That way he won't be disappointed. 

Save your dollars and unnecessary pain.