I have pure O and tried to kill myself yesterday

[Raptorsin7]

@Joshi3 Go into the bull shit. The bull shit is where higher consciousness is.

[Kiko]

You are not alone, suffering from one thought from 2012 that i thought that i am cursed to never be happy and i will become very ugly and never be loved by a girl. Since then the thought become so big that is just part of me. I cant get rid of it, every situation which i am rejected is just reinforcing this thought. I  have suicidal thought very often i cry for myself. I am 26 year old 6`4 height and i am crying like a fucking bitch right now writing this the pain is so big i just cannot bear it. I AM WITH YOU!

Edited January 27, 2020 by Kiko

[ethanb121]

19 hours ago, Joshi3 said:

@ethanb121 bro I would not recommend you doing dmt. Especially 5 Meo that’s so crazy strong shit. Dude it sounds like you need to have an ego death. All these problems are from ego. I would recommend around 200-300ug of acid. Acid for me at least always has a strong chance of ego death. What happens is you’ll still be you, it’s just you’re sense of you or perception of you will go away. And you’re left with just BEING Ethan. No inside to Ethan only outside. And trust me it feels amazing. You will still feel like you because you are you. But what feels like you will fade. And essentially if there is no self, there is no suffering as who is having these thoughts. No one, they’re just thoughts inside your mind. See everyone has this mental image of themselves in their mind. And when it dies and you’re left with what you’re actually are. ALL problems go away, as there is no one to have problems. And as a result you won’t just be happier. You will literally feel new emotions of everything you have never felt because that self image was blocking. Reality Will FEEL and LOOK EXPONENTIALLY better in almost every possible. It’s not all just good, it’s everything. It’s not like a feel good, it’s like a picture that had every color kind of feel good. To say you feel good is a joke because words can’t describe what you feel. 

I just dont care anymore if this keeps on going ... Im going to try it and a large dose at that I already feel like im going crazy and have nothing to loose ... I want something thats going to change the way I think or help somehow with these thoughts POCD and Harm OCD are the most fucked up things I have ever experience in my whole life ... I want something that is going to change how I think completely and im not scared to do it anymore since I feel like I have nothing to loose ... I feel as if my sanity is slipping from my hands

[Superfluo]

@ethanb121

Usually when thoughts like yours come up they do with an emotional charge hidden under them, usually from an emotional trauma. So the more you feel there are emotions under, the more I think you'll benefit from these links. However, even though I can't imagine your situation, do not harm yourself. Do you want to fatally harm you, or do you want to end your suffering? There's a big difference. Check these out, it might help.

 

[Raptorsin7]

@ethanb121 Start focusing on the basics. Meditation, even just 5 minutes a day. Diet. Walking Outside. Get out of the house. Write down thoughts, or write anything. 

You're going to want to work up to psychedelics. They are valuable, but if you are not ready then they can destabilize you. You are in the right place. Asking the right questions. No need to rush. It will get better.

[ethanb121]

On 1/27/2020 at 5:31 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

@ethanb121 Start focusing on the basics. Meditation, even just 5 minutes a day. Diet. Walking Outside. Get out of the house. Write down thoughts, or write anything. 

You're going to want to work up to psychedelics. They are valuable, but if you are not ready then they can destabilize you. You are in the right place. Asking the right questions. No need to rush. It will get better.

I have been trying but I cant use psychedelics anymore because I went back on antidepressants but they havent been helping only the benzos have helped

[ethanb121]

14 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

@ethanb121 Dude. You need to seek professional help. You need to visit a psychiatric hospital.

Just google on "psychiatric emergency" closest to you and then visit them.

Have you done that before?

yes i just dont care anymore

[BETGR164128]

20 minutes ago, ethanb121 said:

yes i just dont care anymore

"I just don't care anymore" is a thought. Thoughts pass. Observe your thoughts rather than let them lead you. 

[BETGR164128]

On 25/01/2020 at 7:35 PM, ethanb121 said:

When I accept them it makes me feel like a messed up person because im accepting the fact that I could be a rapist pedophile murderer even though I dont have any desire to do that and it makes my self esteem even lower I kinda tried that route and I stopped doing everything because how bad the thoughts were I try meditating but its really hard and it makes the thoughts more intense for the first little while which is really discomforting because I dont enjoy these thoughts ... Sometimes I wish to myself I did so I could live atleast some what normal not hating myself all the time and thinking im a monster for having these thoughts cuz I know they are wrong and dont wanna ever act on them ... The thoughts about pedophilia  bothers me the most though ... I havent been eating good and exercise is hard for me because I feel like my life is falling apart and am contemplating suicide

I have absolutely no issues with being a pedophile, rapist, murderer or even worse Donald Trump. It's all me anyway. Really, it's not a problem unless you make it into one 

[Forestluv]

@ethanb121 I’ve had many bouts of ocd harm anxiety, including the examples you listed. My last episode was over two years ago. 

One thing I learned is that isolation caused further immersion into the ocd and anxiety, yet I was also reluctant to speak with others in fear they would see me as a monster or that they would tell me I’m just making it up. . . .  It was helpful to speak about it with someone that was nonjudgmental and understood what I was going through. Letting it out to another that is nonjudgemental and loving can help reduce the power of the unwelcomed thoughts. If you would like to chat via Skype, feel free to send me a PM. 

 

[remember]

@ethanb121 did you try white noise? it sounds weird at first but somehow i think it might be a little similar than a tinnitus and maybe white noise could help - but it’s only an attempt to make it less intense, i have zero expertise in this. i just notice that listening to white noise also relaxes me. of course this is probably if anything just a little reliever, but it‘s worth a try. if it works you could even listen to it on headphones. (and maybe try binaural beats)

Edited March 9, 2020 by remember

[Neph]

Get help consultant docs & take meds if required

[Chrissy j]

 

 

Watch this whole channel 

[Fathime]

Seriously, listen to your therapist and that person alone. Only let off steam on forums, but don't take advice to heart. Only a specialist can help out in your situation. The thoughts you describe seem haunting, your position is not to be judged. But you must stay strong despite of it, overcome it with professional help and medication you are provided. Mental health is a serious matter, for some meditation might work, but this isn't a general rule, and I'm talking from experience here. I could meditate all I want and try out all the tips others say worked for them, but it doesn't mean they'll work for my specific problem. I can live with my issue, however, I have for most of my life lived alone with it and kept it a secret until I figured out that it is a problem I can talk about and stop being so stubborn when it comes to telling others that I need them. Good luck in your journey, friend, I hope you somehow get over this.

[Roy]

I have suffered from harm based Pure OCD in the past, and somewhat recently as well. It is fucking terrifying, but I have conquered it and learned how to deal with it.

The greatest advice I currently have to help move past it and take the burden off is realize;

You are not your thoughts. They simply arise within you and are not truthfully reflective of your intentions, feelings, and attitudes.

It is your brain misfiring, and projecting/obsessing over absurd possibilities and conclusions.

Detach yourself from any beliefs you may have that you are your brain, because that is not the case.

Edited March 30, 2020 by Roy

[Mindfang413]

Ive had pure OCD for like 2 years now. Luckily im finally getting over it. But that shit is hell, i cant think of anything worse. My last bout was these last couple months and im still getting over it. Basically i kept getting thoughts happiness didnt matter and feeling nothing was as good as happiness cause theyre both pointless, but of course happiness is not pointless. I started believing it though. I had a breakthrough though and im still trying to get back to a normal state.

Before this, i had the same thoughts like thinking thoughts about murder, rape, pedophilia , torture, thinking i was going to do these things or somehow find them moral when in fact i wasnt. I also had severe existential ruminations that slowly took time for me to process and get over and all that was left is what im still dealing with now with is emotions. Hopefully its the end to it all.

I know ill still have thoughts that give me anxiety through life but i think ive gotten through the worst and i can tell you itll get better. The fact the thoughts BOTHER you in the first place tells you you wont ever believe them or act on them. Itll be okay!

Edited March 31, 2020 by Mindfang413
typos