Questions about self help and spirituality.

[Romer02]

I've been reading this book that is on Leo's booklist. It's called The six pillars of self-esteem by Nathanial Branden I have been learning plenty of stuff from the book like being more aware and conscious of mostly everything I live through. Now a problem I have encountered is that in the book we must do sentence completion exercises and one of them says that we must take responsibility for our thoughts and emotions. I'm struggling with this because I know that in spirituality I am not my thoughts or emotions therefore at the same time I must take responsibility for them and call them my own? 

[Raptorsin7]

You must take 100% responsibility for everything in your life. You have control over the types of thoughts you think. You also have control in the types of emotions you feel.

But it's no simple, and these topics have a lot of nuance. Empty your mind of all beliefs and ideas you have about how you think spirituality works. Be humble enough to admit you don't know shit, and everything you think you know how about spirituality is just dogma and beliefs passed on from others.

Take time to learn about these topics for yourself. Learn about thoughts. Learn about emotions. Enter this place with a beginners mind. There's a lot to become conscious of here.

Which thought feels better? "I have no control over my thoughts and emotions". "I am 100% responsible for all my thoughts and all my emotions"?

[Romer02]

@Raptorsin7 I would definitely feel better thinking I am 100% responsible for my thoughts and emotions is better and thanks for the reply it is very useful and I will definitely look more into everything mentioned here.  

[Raptorsin7]

@Romer02 No problem. Follow the good feelings. If someone sais something to you and it doesn't feel good then fuck that advice and find something that feels good to you. Good luck 

[Eph75]

The one doesn't negate the other. The emotions happening are happening inside you, it is not someone else or something else that gives you those emotions, they are happening inside you. Therefore it is only up to you to manage or master your emotions. You can choose to not get angry for example, not to get affects or when you do, not externalize that anger and instead stay with that emotion and explore it, what triggered it, what are your trigger points, why they happen and why you react, are there patterns and so on. Then let go with intention to not get triggered in the future. 

You are not your emotions, you don't have to let rampant uncontrollable emotions dictate how you feel and react, hence run you life. They are not you, distance yourself from those emotions and allow yourself by adding that distance to more objectively reason around that emotion. 

But be careful not to push emotions away, that's not the same as mastering them, understanding them, changing how you relate to them. Whatever you push away or box in is going to keep affecting you in an increasing way until the box is full and those boxes up emotions come out in erratic eruptions, very possibly in ways that are hard to derive back to the emotion that was originally rejected. 

So this and spirituality perfectly complement each other, they are not contradictions.

In my opinion understanding and mastering your emotions is a more stable base to stand on and then in the spiritual manner not identify with what is left and will stand up to stressgul situations better without regression than say just detaching from emotions without gaining understanding. Basically two schools that play well alongside each other. 

Edited January 25, 2020 by Eph75

[Leo Gura]

@Romer02 You are getting ahead of your skiis. Focus first on the ordinary stuff before you start grappling with the tricky spiritual metaphysical stuff.

As far as your real-world experience goes, you believe you are a human who has emotions and thoughts, and you believe that humans are responsible for their actions. This is what's true for you. Yes or no?

So be honest about where you're at.

It doesn't matter what some guru says, what matters is what's true in your experience. Some guru could tell you that you are God, but that is not your experience so don't approach life using the guru's story. Approach life as it is for you.

If some day you realize you are not a human, then things will change for you. But that's not something you should worry about now.

Also, spirituality tells you that you are EVERYTHING, so of course you ARE your thoughts and emotions too. You're just not only those things. Spirituality requires taking responsibility for how you create your whole reality. So there's no contradiction. But start with the easy stuff like the sentence completions.

[Nahm]

@Romer02 What you bring fully into awareness, you transcend. It’s not a becoming or not, but a becoming aware of or not.