I yearn to be liberated

[Kshantivadin]

Samsara is futile. I don't know how to be free. When shall I be free? I'm seeking for a monolith to touch and get blessed. I want out. I couldn't meditate now from all the pain and I'm trying to find artworks (music, poems) that can liberate me. I'm stuck in this bullshit self-narrative. I have glimpses of not having it, and it feels so meaningless. The ego wants meaning. I can't just have things happening, I need for them to have meaning. What is life even? What is consciousness? I have no fucking clue. Why not lie on the floor and rot until you do? Why even do that?  Why do anything at all... And finally, it's not even being done. Doing is happening. It's all heavily determined. Karma. And I'm experiencing karma, why exactly?

My being craves enlightenment. I suffer too much from ignorance. I need wisdom.

Edited January 24, 2020 by Kshantivadin

[purerogue]

Start by looking into your questions, there is plenty of great discussing  buried in forum on these topics.

In a away ego can be completely fine without meaning,it just needs to have something to hold to, if there is nothing it can hold to , there is no ego, but there is no set conditions of, happy, bored, I mean it is complex of possibilities.

Now keep in mind that there are 2 egos,sub mind , and mind,third if you count "soul" you are usually working mind and then there is  layer of personalities that usually changes based on state of mind,changing ego, or you could say it on its own is state of mind. 

Now the ego does not really disappear, lets say , your "soul" is stuck here until you find a way to fix,balance body,mind so you are not bound by it. 

But it is very vague explanation. 

You could say it like this, if your ego is afraid of dying, afraid of change, afraid of anything that comes into your mind you will have problems to let go, if your mind is hateful,resentful against this that , it will have problems to let go , because of many reasons where it will not let you do it and there are many many more qualities, traumas  that can make you bound to not be able explore deeper,  I mean you still can to some extend, but you will be in tight leash. 

Edited January 24, 2020 by purerogue

[Nahm]

So fragile indeed, that just in speaking the true name, it is broken. Reconnect with silence, in nature, in modality, in meditation, in your way. All comes & all goes within you. All is well. Every moment is a new beginning, even more so, no beginnings, no endings. From silence, a single step, and that is enough.

[Mattie]

Saying you need wisdom or saying you want to be more spiritual even, is all the ego talking.

What really helped me get my thoughts and feelings a bit more zen was;  Eckhart Tolle

The power of now

A new earth

 

[Joker_Theory]

I agree with Mattie

You, the ego cant get self liberated cause it says it right there in self liberated. You want to be liberated of the self, the ego. The ego can't be enlightened or self liberated, YOU the real self is already liberated you just need to stop thinking you are an identity, a human and find out what you really are.

Try to connect more to the real self by looking within for it, self inquire to find it but know your are it already so you just need to connect more with it and be it and try to stay with it. That should be your goal in life as is mine. I am also on this journey so hang in there and do the practices. It's not a always about the end result but the journey imo.

Laying around only waists time. You will lay there and think my life has no purpose till one day you realize you might as well get up and do something cause your inner being wants to but you are just not patient, you want it now and suffering does that i get it, same here.

Good luck.

Edited January 24, 2020 by Joker_Theory

[Joker_Theory]

Also something i remember that helped me was the saying take off the masks you got on and what is left? For example I am a father, son, man, human, shy, aggressive and so on. What is left, Who are you naked of all these things??

[LfcCharlie4]

Problem is you're looking for something bigger, outside yourself, an escape. It's similar to the desire of a drug addict to escape his pain, what happens is enlightenment becomes the Drug instead of Heroin, you're still seeking something outside of yourself. 

When you realise THIS as it is, right here, right now is it, seeking ends and you're finally free to live life with spontaneous joy in every moment and free to do whatever you wish in life. 

'Samsara' is it as well, this very 'world' is the Buddha planet, you will not go and get wings and be carried by Moses and Jesus to eternal happiness when you become enlightened. Instead, you will realise you are literally THIS, you are The Self, and the Self is all that exists. 

Another problem, is you'll probably read this and it won't help one bit, the highest teaching is always in silence. 

Often we need help to see THIS as it is, and to unlearn, the cliche metaphor is that of a dirty windscreen that gets cleaned either gradually or suddenly in some rare cases. 

Either way, enlightenment isn't some escape from your suffering, instead it's diving head first into your suffering, facing it and all of it's shit and allowing everything to be as it is. Only by facing your suffering can you work through it. Instead, what you're after is an escape from life, unfortunately true realisation is not about an escape from life but if anything a deepening of the richness of life. 

What changes from where you are right now? 

1) The I-Thought is completely seen through completely, there is no longer a stickiness. (this DOES NOT mean thoughts, feelings, desires etc stop)

2) The resistance to this moment and life finally dissolves, meaning you are actually free to experience life as it is fully in each and every moment. 

Good luck!

[Codrina]

4 hours ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

Either way, enlightenment isn't some escape from your suffering, instead it's diving head first into your suffering, facing it and all of it's shit and allowing everything to be as it is. Only by facing your suffering can you work through it. Instead, what you're after is an escape from life, unfortunately true realisation is not about an escape from life but if anything a deepening of the richness of life. 

What changes from where you are right now? 

1) The I-Thought is completely seen through completely, there is no longer a stickiness. (this DOES NOT mean thoughts, feelings, desires etc stop)

2) The resistance to this moment and life finally dissolves, meaning you are actually free to experience life as it is fully in each and every moment. 

 

@Kshantivadin  Contemplate what Charlie is saying.

Listen to your thoughts, to what your mind is telling you, especially in hard times. Listen to it without judging it. Feel it fully. Don't run away from it. 

A day will come when your mind will tell you a different story - a joyful, full of possibilities story. Your mind will not seek to escape, but enjoy what is.

You will find your mind complaining less, and accepting more. And a new sense of you, not your mind, not your opinions, not you - just lovingly observing you.

[Guru Fat Bastard]

15 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

What is life even? What is consciousness? I have no fucking clue.

Good. Stay there. Even better,repeat it and remind yourself whenever you look for,feel the need, or try to come up with some meaning.. If you repeatedly remind yourself "I have no fucking clue (what This is)", things will start revealing themselves. And they will reveal things that "meaning" would savagely distort and corrupt. Meaning severely distorts and obscures the miracle of what's happening. No meaning will ever live up to what this existence is. This also includes you, as you and existence are not separate.
"I have no fucking clue" is a doorway to the freedom you're looking for,not a punishment. So keep " having no clue" every moment for the rest your life and every moment will reveal things that meaning could never touch.

A little drop of wisdom for ya.

Edited January 25, 2020 by Guru Fat Bastard

[VeganAwake]

15 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

Samsara is futile. I don't know how to be free. When shall I be free? I'm seeking for a monolith to touch and get blessed. I want out. I couldn't meditate now from all the pain and I'm trying to find artworks (music, poems) that can liberate me. I'm stuck in this bullshit self-narrative. I have glimpses of not having it, and it feels so meaningless. The ego wants meaning. I can't just have things happening, I need for them to have meaning. What is life even? What is consciousness? I have no fucking clue. Why not lie on the floor and rot until you do? Why even do that?  Why do anything at all... And finally, it's not even being done. Doing is happening. It's all heavily determined. Karma. And I'm experiencing karma, why exactly?

My being craves enlightenment. I suffer too much from ignorance. I need wisdom.

I am liberated...

Energy within the body makes you feel like a separate individual... you are identifying with that energy as a separate ME...

You are a part of everything, the separation never occurred...

You are seeking completion within completion and you'll never find what you're seeking because you already have it..

Enlightenment is simply recognizing there was never anything missing..

What you are seeking is the end of seeking ?

You're seeking wholeness within wholeness. 

Your searching for THIS and its already here... this is Paradise this is perfection this is enlightenment...

It's hopeless ....in fact as long as you believe you are a separate individual apart from everything else, you will continue to seek for the rest of your life... running on the hamster wheel.

There is nothing that needs to happen... the Kingdom of Heaven is THIS... there's nothing else you will find..

Enlightenment is an unknowing process....its recognizing that we don't know what anything is.... it's looking at the world with childlike eyes again.... but for the first time ❤