Not this, not this...

[abgespaced]

So I spent 3 years working on the life purpose that I had determined for myself.

A very well thought out, documented and rationalised approach. Months of work.

I built a course, took on some clients, had some success. 

Stared meditating heavily and old habits came back. Escapism. 

I let it all slide. My business, my website... feels like starting from scratch again.

I blamed the system I had, the teachers I followed, my lack of money.

I blamed my lack of success for my lack of success.

But the only thing to blame was misalignment with my true purpose.

Do I know what that is? Not yet. But there are some indication.

For one, the way in which i conduct my purpose needs to be in full alignment with my authentic self expression. Following other people's methods just isn't going to work.

Second, the full and complete understanding that there is no "one thing" I am meant to do with my life.

I have many interests, passions, ideas and creative pursuits that cannot and will not be lumped all together, nor any of them excluded for the sake of focus.

A very happy and exciting example is my recently falling into a paid freelancing role, in a job I could never have dreamed or imagined would be so aligned with who I am and what gets me out of bed in the morning.

This only resulted from letting go of "working hard" to "make things happen".

3 months of "wasting time" (according to standard western definitions) in full pursuit of leisure landed me this dream role. 3 months of saying f**k you to life purpose.

Not this, not this...

I don't know what my life purpose is. I can't declare it. I can't determine it. 

I can only discover it. And perhaps only in hindsight.

[tsuki]

@abgespaced I love you and all of your failures.

[Meetjoeblack]

Just another brick in the wall. 

More to come.

Good luck. Develop staying power. Meditation on it.