Girl makes me feel I fucked my life up

[Solvinden]

Hey everyone,
 
I have a problem right now. I met this wonderful girl 1 year ago and I'm visiting her right now in Northern Europe (I'm 27). We've slept with each other and keep on meeting but it's not a relationship.
 
Never ever did I feel that alive in my life. The last 4-5 years I felt pretty numb and depressed. And now I feel that I met someone that I truly love. I can tell her everything and vice versa. I'm able to access these positive emotions long believed to be lost. The problem though, as a result of being honest she starts to see my unlikable parts more prominently and it seems to change her opinions about me. Moreover, she's meeting many guys at the same time that try to get close to her. Not very comfortable. However, I feel beeing with her seems to skyrocket my development.
 
I'm not a good looking guy. Especially last year, I was very stressed and depressed and as a result aged by 5-7 years. Many people think I'm 35. /: Also I lost quite some hair in this time and I'm not even quite 5'10.
That's hurting me and I feel I fucked my life up. She's 20 and still so young, and I see her living the life that I always wanted that I never had. That's so painful.
 
I see somehow that I need nothing external to be happy. But in terms of sexual relationships I still don't embody that.
I feel that I developped myself tremendously but in social setting I'm still often anxious and awkward. She told me she can see people becoming unconfortable with me. And that I'm not a fun guy, maybe I'm just too old. Painful once again.
 
Next week I go to a 10 day Vipassana for the second time. I'm not sure how to get the most out of it. Is it smart to use some of the breaks for contemplating questions that bother me personally?  
 
I felt that since 4 months ago the source of my big stress disappeared, I need to contemplate deeply how to proceed and become clear about what I want and visualize it. Reminds me of Leo's video about phases in life. I'm doing this with great effort. However, I feel it just takes so long and maybe I miss sth.
 
Life is so painful right now and I just want sone relief. I meditate around 1h every day. I feel that apart from the problems mentioned above everything is perfect.
 
Any helpful advice or kind words?
 
Practically, it would probably be helpful for me to become somehow a guy that enjoys social sutuations and is strong and not anxious in them.
More generally, it would help if I could just let myself fall into the moment all the time. But I just can't do that permanently, it's too emotionally challenging.
 
Thanks,
Solvinden

[Chumbimba]

@Solvinden She sounds like a bitch to me. A girl who’s really down for you won’t judge you for your short comings. Yeah she took away your pain temporarily, but it’s still there under the surface and it will come back up. I broke up with my girlfriend right before my Vipassana retreat. It gave me time to really think about the relationship objectively. 
 

if you’re becoming more vulnerable to her and she’s getting more repulsed by you instead of attracted. Drop her and move on. 7 BILLION people in the world. Mostly women who would kill for a guy like you. 
 

Keep your head up. Heal your deep depression first. Women aren’t going anywhere  

[Arcangelo]

4 hours ago, Solvinden said:

Moreover, she's meeting many guys at the same time that try to get close to her.

Time to move on.

[Ananta]

It seem the honeymoon phase is over for her. ?

That's when it gets real and the short comings of the other person start blaring at you. See, they were disguised or blinded by infatuation in the honeymoon phase. 

You have to soul search if the heart-ache of knowing she's seeing other guys and the criticism is something you can deal with. If not, then your decision is to go your separate ways and mend your wounded heart over time. If you aren't sure and want to see what happens, well, that's a choice too, but she might torture you along the way.

It's rough, either way is going to be painful.

All the best❤

[Chives99]

find someone that likes you man, i know you dont want to be alone again, but no relationship is better than a bad one by million miles. Just see if she respects you and wants you, if you get negativity from her, she will kill your self esteem, your call buddie but dont waste your life out of the fear of being lonely 

[Meetjoeblack]

She sounds like a birch but you're being a chump. Hypergamy doesn't give a fuck. There's a billion guys slipping into her DMs willing to step up.  Get a grip. Get a life. Hold it together. Go meditate. Go lift. Go to the monastery. Go travel. 

Being a wimpy bitch is what society pushes. Be a dud. Be vulnerable. Act like a sissy because women want a sissy. There's nothing further from the truth. Hypergamy doesn't give a fuck if you are a good man, father or you have depression. Hypergamy doesn't care. Create space for you. 

Go no contact (n/c). No text, social media, or anything. Be a better you for you. There's other girls. You mistake love only cause you have her. If you we're Dicaprio on yacht with trains of models, love is not on your mind. 

Get your shit handled. Learn pickup. If balding shave head. Get jacked. If short correct posture. Read Joe navaro. Chat other girls. Nobody care's about your hair or height. You arent that important. Neither am I. 

You had sex with her. Chalk it up as a win. Move on. Find hotter, younger, and overall better for you. More importantly, get healthier. Eat healthy. Diet. Do cardio. Lift weights. Get exercises. Chat girls. Pull. 

Suddenly, you are having too much sex and options to be depressed. 

[Chumbimba]

@Meetjoeblack damn you inspired me to be better and this isn’t even about me 

[Meetjoeblack]

On 1/26/2020 at 3:18 PM, Chumbimba said:

@Meetjoeblack damn you inspired me to be better and this isn’t even about me 

Respect! 

I keep getting banned for sharing my opinions. For talking about dating, pulling, esculating, and painting out how cucked it is. 

The soundtrack of my mind is just me doing nonstop big ups and then I  approach. I approach as if I had already hooked up with her even if we're strangers LULz. 

You don't need to be better. You already are better. You just got to live and approach life with that in mind. Culture is feminizing men. Simping. Beta thirst. 

Watch fight club. There's a level of blissful ignorance and delusion required for transformation. Good luck playboy! 

 

 

[LordFall]

@Meetjoeblack You get banned from this forum? That's funny, I think I saw a post where Anna warned you that you'd get permabanned. 

I think it's important to have a lot of different perspectives, especially in a forum like this, to get to the truth. I like your opinions, they're familiar to me and they help ground the rest. I like Leo's opinions on relationships a lot because he's done game but some of the other ones I cringe at. Some seem to just parrot spirituality blindly or maybe they're just on a different level of consciousness that I can't even relate to anymore(which I doubt) but they give, what I feel is, harmful advice when it comes to dating. 

I really doubt that you can meditate your way into a great relationship. It does help and you should do it but I would never recommend to not do pickup and "just let go of your baggage and wounds and authentically connect with another human being" instead. That's a good tip, for sure, but the way it's given is harmful at times. 

So to the mods, give my man a break. He's bringing much-needed nuance. 

 

@Solvinden Bro, tell me if I'm wrong but you're 27 and this is the first hottie that you've slept with and your mind is now literally imploding. You're doing good work son, don't worry. This is probably your first intimate connection to feminity, and it's, of course, gonna make you feel things you've never experienced. It's a taste of true divine unity, your deep masculine has awoken due to its contact with its polar mate. 

Now you gotta move on from this girl and use that experience as motivation to build yourself up more to be able to connect with another girl(and yourself) even deeper. You were able to open yourself up and start the process of authenticity and vulnerability which is amazing. Never blame yourself for doing that and finding out that you're not compatible with your partner, you're doing both of you an immeasurable favor. People literally spend decades in fake relationships because neither of them had the courage to be fully themselves and express it. 

It's useless to dwell on the path. Just be grateful that you got to have that experience and that you have the proof that you can create a connection with a girl. Now use that to find and make a connection with the right girl for you. I sincerely don't think this one is and I think you know that. 

Best of luck friend. 

[Meetjoeblack]

2 hours ago, LordFall said:

@Meetjoeblack You get banned from this forum? That's funny, I think I saw a post where Anna warned you that you'd get permabanned. 

I think it's important to have a lot of different perspectives, especially in a forum like this, to get to the truth. I like your opinions, they're familiar to me and they help ground the rest. I like Leo's opinions on relationships a lot because he's done game but some of the other ones I cringe at. Some seem to just parrot spirituality blindly or maybe they're just on a different level of consciousness that I can't even relate to anymore(which I doubt) but they give, what I feel is, harmful advice when it comes to dating. 

I really doubt that you can meditate your way into a great relationship. It does help and you should do it but I would never recommend to not do pickup and "just let go of your baggage and wounds and authentically connect with another human being" instead. That's a good tip, for sure, but the way it's given is harmful at times. 

So to the mods, give my man a break. He's bringing much-needed nuance. 

@Solvinden

I didn't see a perma ban warning. I saw a pm Lol ?!

It will get boring without me.  ?

Honestly, I don't want ban but, I am at peace. I had a recent psychedelic trip. There's that and Leos purpose program I enjoy. Come clarity.

There's a lot of ego. Myself too.  There's contrast because guys are taught to beta thirst and simp. Its the mating call of the loser to follow the beaten path. Its society attempt to keep order. Ask yourself why? There's a push on PC culture and buddy is put doing black face. There's the buried epstein story. AJ deplatforming who broke the pedo ring story.

There's what we're told and actuality. There's seeing the world as such and wishing otherwise. There's wanting to go in the cave.

My path has Been dark. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. There's been ego decimated by deaths, trauma, pickup, tripping. Ironic, You either transcend Being or you don't.

Its all loss. The only guarantee is death so fuck it. Nothing to lose. Fight club -Gun to the head, could I approach? Could I pull? Could I start a business? Make millions of dollars? There's only one way to find out.

Its all arbitrary. You can't take any of it with You. There's just life experienced.

Bruce Lee once said, immortality is in living a life worth remembering.

Superb starting point.

Don't underestimate meditation. Its a fantastic tool in pickup. There's ego obliterated with rejection, flakes, just living it.

One of my first posts, I mentioned about a car bj and getting ghosted LULz. Nothing surprises me.

Modern life dating in america 2020. ?