From FSHD to INFINITY

[Gneh Onebar]

1# The Beginning

 

Hi there,

this journal is about my journey from the diagnose of my genetic disease FSHD to permanent liberation. I write this journal to share my experiences with everyone, who is interested in reading them. Maybe they are inspiring or helpful to you. Or maybe you have insights, that could help me on my path. Don’t hesitate, just post them. I am very grateful for all your hints and ideas. ?

 

My story (short interlude)

During early summer 2018 my emotional state was rather bad. Since Summer 2017 I noticed a loss of muscles in my right triceps. I was hitting the gym like before, but couldn’t really build up. After seeing numerous doctors they told me that I probably have a very rare inheritable genetic disease called FSHD, which causes muscle dystrophy mainly in the upper body – until now western medicine has no cure for this disease. I had to do several quite expensive genetic tests, which at first were all negative. Nobody had an idea, what was going on. So far there were and are no cases of FSHD in my family. (I finally got a genetic confirmation in June 2019. However, I’m not sure, if this is really what I have – more on this in upcoming posts ?)

Meanwhile Leo’s first video about enlightenment popped up in my YouTube recommendations. I saw the first video and was absolutely fascinated about the topic. During the following night I watched practically all his videos on the subject and the next morning I felt already better than the last few weeks. I decided to give psychedelics a shot and consumed a dried mushroom tea (3,5 gr.) with a good friend of mine. I had a hard-hitting breakthrough, but was just to overwhelmed to remember everything I experienced. In a nutshell: I remembered what I actually am. Nevertheless, it was definitely life changing. The next day I intuitively began to meditate seriously – I meditated before, however not every day and not that serious. This is where my journey really begun. In retrospective I now see that this experience changed me from a rational atheist (I am a PHD student, who was and is interested in science) to a spiritual person.

 

Things I changed after my first awakening

• Meditation everyday since 20.07.2018. Worked myself up to 70 or more minutes in a single session in the morning. I follow the TMI system from Culadasa. Thanks to @ardacigin for his posts about TMI.
• Around 40 minutes of yoga in the evening, mainly hatha yoga. I joined a spiritual yoga class in Munich in autumn 2018.
• Exercises (15-20 minutes) to raise chi from John Kreiter’s Book “The Magnum Opus”. Thanks to @Matt8800 for recommending me this book.
•  Journaling at least ounce a week (private notes).
• 80%-90% of my diet is now plant based, 2/3 is raw. Thanks to @Dimi and @Michael569 for the nutrition tips. I bless my food before eating it.
• Swimming two times a week (around 1 mile).
• Receiving RASA. Right now my LOC is 780. Thanks to @LfcCharlie4 for making me curious about Ramaji, Ananda Devi and the energy transmissions.
• Exploring psychedelics: mushrooms, LSD, Changa, N.N-DMT, 2C-B and MDMA (once combined with nitrous). Thanks to @Leo Gura for his talks about psychedelics.
• Reading books about spirituality, yoga, meditation, psychedelics, magick etc.

Edited January 22, 2020 by Gneh Onebar

[ardacigin]

I wish you well in your journey  You seem to be doing really well for your first year in spirituality. I hope your physical and emotional health gets radically better in 2020. Feel free to contact me whenever you want to chat.

 

 

 

[Gneh Onebar]

@ardacigin  Thank your for your wishes! I surely will contact you at some point.  

[Gneh Onebar]

2# Diet

 

This is what I normally eat during a day

I start my day with a glass of water with a pressed lemon. In fact I replaced my morning coffee by this - it's really energizing.

Breakfast: I drink a smoothie every morning and have an apple or pear afterwards. Here is my favorite smoothie: 1 banana, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, linseeds, chia seeds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame, olive oil, honey, organic vegan protein powder and water.

Lunch: Mainly green vegetables like broccoli, zucchini, spring onion, fennel, mangetout cooked in a pan with olive oil. Then some lentils as a side dish for protein requirements.

Diner: Big salad with spring onions, garlic, ginger, tomatoes, red peppers, carrots, bean sprouts, avocado and cucumber. I also like to eat quite a few nuts after diner: pecans, almonds, cashews and peanuts.

I dropped coffee totally and I reduced my alcohol consumption to a minimum. Usually I have a drink or so every two weeks while going out with my partner or friends. I don’t like to be drunk anymore but having a good gin tonic in a decent bar is pretty enjoyable. ?

 

Edited January 23, 2020 by Gneh Onebar

[Gneh Onebar]

3# Emotions

 

Unconditional Love

In the Self Love Video Leo says that people, who suffer of severe chronic diseases (like cancer etc.) need especially a lot of self love. This counts also for me. I am very ambitious and disciplined, which normally are good characteristics, if you want to achieve things. However I also tend to be very harsh to myself (and to others). To practice self love in a way, that you love what you are independent of shortcomings and failures is quite a challenge for me.

Seeing the FSHD affecting my body causes from time to time a lot of frustration, anger and powerlessness. In these situations I hate my body, myself, the world, reality and sometimes I just want to see the whole world burn to ashes. I know this is a big ego reaction, but in a twisted way it also feels ‘good’. I seem to have quite a dark side, that likes destruction and annihilation. Though the real me is rather loving and kind, hiding then inside this ego mask.

What I would like to do in the future is practicing unconditional love in exactly these moments. I haven’t found a special technique so far, however I remember a situation around ten years ago, where I did this somehow intuitively. It was early morning and I was lying in my bed in a very bad mood. I had a lot of stress during that time and felt really exhausted and overwhelmed. I thought about how surviving this awful day and just wanted to crawl myself into my bed. Suddenly I started doing a visualization – at that time I had absolutely no idea what I did –, where I saw myself lying in a fetus position and I said to myself: you just have to embrace yourself, nobody else is needed, this will solve all your problems. That’s what I did in the visualization and my emotional state changed radically in an instant. I felt a lot of relief, joy and peace. These sensations were so strong, that I couldn’t really remember, how miserable I felt before. In retrospective I now think, that this wasn’t just a mere visualization, but sort of a mystical experience of unconditional love. ?

The problem though is, that it just happened and I can’t repeat it out of free will. If you have an idea how to do this in such moments of emotional distress, just leave me a comment. ?

[Gneh Onebar]

4# Readings

 

Chris M. Bache on Divine Love, Creation and Suffering

I really like this passage in Bache's book "LSD and the Mind of the Universe":

“Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the most extraordinary LOVE, a Love unlike anything I had ever encountered before. It was as if a dam had burst and love was coming at me from every direction, so much Love that I could barely take it in even in my expanded state. It was a romantic Love, cosmic in scope and intensity. As I stabilized under this amorous assault, I began to remember a romance from deep within my history. An ancient Love, a divine love of unbelievable proportions.

I was a Cosmic Being being loved by another Cosmic Being. Though at one level I had never been separated from my lover, at another level we had been separated for billions of years, and my return was rekindling our ancient love.

Creation seemed to be a reality that had come forth from a dynamic relation between two Cosmic Beings who had themselves emerged from a Primal Unity.

[…]

The magnitude of the Love that lies at the found of the creation of our universe is beyond description. To awaken to this Love was to remember a primordial decision that I had somehow participated in it.

[…]

Remembering choices made before matter and time even existed, I reconnected with the Divine Love that had inspired these choices. This experience shattered my heart, and I wept deeply.

[…]

It was all part of a cosmic plan that had been entered into freely by all participants, however unconscious of this fact we have come along the way. The nobility of great suffering shouldered voluntarily in the name of Divine Love, suffering that would stretch across millions of years, suffering that would become so utterly inscrutable that it would be used as evidence that the universe was devoid of compassion, this was the nobility of humanity’s gift to the Creator. All of the suffering that humanity had endured and would endure, especially the suffering of forgetfulness itself, was part of a consciously chosen creative process, a process that had not yet come to fruition.” (129f.)