Racist beliefs & tendencies

[Matt23]

*if you don't want to read the entire thing, scroll to the highlighted sections.  They should give an adequate summary.

I moved to a bigger city this year for school.  I come from a context with predominantly white people, though in grade 11 I moved to a bigger city as well, but I was still around mostly white people (though I did have a black friend).  The bigger city I live in has a large mix of different cultures and people.  

This is the first time I've really noticed racist tendencies and behaviors in me (or they seem to be)  I notice I treat, behave, feel, and think towards others not of my race differently, though, I try to be nice, courteous, fair, and tolerant.  Mostly through suppression.  But these behaviors I notice, are subtly there, as well as shadowy-type stuff I notice in interacting with others from other races. 

Basically, I notice I'm way more at ease and loving around caucasian people from my own country, and more tense and inauthentic around people of other nationalities, ethnicities, and races.

For example, I notice when I'm hanging around people of other races/ethnicities, I have a tension in me which is a familiar tension I've felt when I'm trying to hide something.  I notice that, if I allowed myself to be completely authentic, I'd somewhat ignore the other person and treat them in an ignorant and almost diminishing way.  Like I'd ignore them and not feel totally present or "with" them.  

I also notice I feel more anger, frustration, and negative feelings towards people of others races/ethnicities when they do something I dislike.  I think I've also noticed that if caucasian Canadian people do similar things, I'm more forgiving and unaffected.  

I guess I just feel fake, thus tension, around other people of other races/ethnicities/nationalities.  

I've never noticed this before.  I've been around other cultures, ethnicities, and nationalities before, but have never really noticed this.  Perhaps I simply wasn't as conscious as I am now.  

I also realized I was trying to not be racist/prejudice since I didn't want to be seen that way since others may not "be on my side" and give me things I want (hire me, be friends with me, and, I think mostly, a positive social image).  

I still value fairness though, and wish that everyone be treated fairly... It seems anyways.  As far as I've noticed, these racists beliefs/tendencies don't have as much of an impact on fairness for me.  I might still feel more negativity in relation to others of different race/cultures, but injustice to me is still something I don't see as "right".  But, then again, I might be overlooking something here.

I'm also 27.  I'm wondering if people have heard of others overcoming racist tendencies/beliefs/identities later in life?

In terms of self-survival, I don't want to be a "bad guy".  I also wish to not live in fear of having these types of beliefs/identities discovered by others, and would thus like to overcome them.  I notice they also cause tension, resistance, and therefore suffering in my life.

Do you know any effective ways at overcoming these beliefs?  I heard befriending people of other cultures and nationalities may help.

Do you think trying to overcome this via selfish reasons (e.g., overcoming personal racism to avoid being judged or not getting things I want, like a job or friends) is worthwhile or even possible?  Maybe it's a start.  Or maybe it will cause a reactive effect, causing me to become more engrained in these beliefs due to backlash.

I also assume that, if I were to befriend people of other cultures, I should probably pick stage orange and above.  

But, it's funny, I did meet this girl from Iran and we hung out once.  I actually enjoyed being with her (it wasn't perfect, but I felt ok about it).  But, when texting I often felt agitated.  She was like 9 years younger than me.  I ended it though.

...

I think I'd most like to hear of anyone's personal stories which relate to this.   

Maybe you've had these types of beliefs and then overcame them somehow.  If so, what helped?  How did it happen for you?

Cheers

[Angelite]

My parents are racist. 

Sometimes

[Leo Gura]

41 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

Do you know any effective ways at overcoming these beliefs?  I heard befriending people of other cultures and nationalities may help.

That's exactly the solution.

Go be around people of various races and cultures until you stop seeing them as other or weird.

Racism is very simple: it happens because people get stuck in a small circle of those who look like them and think like them. If everyone traveled around the world and interacted with people of all races and cultures, racism would disappear in a few generations.

People deliberately segment themselves into like-minded enclaves in order to avoid expanding their sense of self and realizing their oneness with all beings.

This is why people in major cities are less racist than those who live in the countryside. Because in a big city you are forced to interact with those who are different than you, but in the countryside you're living among your own kind, living in a racial/ethnic bubble.

Basically, stopping wanting to cling to your own kind enough though that is what's more comfortable for your ego-mind.

[Matt23]

Thanks for the advice.