Preparing to put myself out there

[Elisabeth]

This is my preliminary life purpose statement from about a year ago (needs to be refined as it's not specific enough, but that's not easy to do): 

"Finding connections to open up new possibilities for people and the world at large to grow"

(first posted here https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/28562-first-shot-at-life-purpose/)

and this is what I posted last summer, heavily influenced by a trip:

"I want to show people that they can connect and share and give and get support in thematic self-help groups and sharing circles, and through the bond formed there combat loneliness and get more insight into their personal issues, which will help them overcome these more easily."

(first posted here https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/37934-i-want-to-lead-small-groups/)

I also put together a personal development self-help group with my friends (who are all awesome, amazing people) which has been running strong now for a year and a half now with bi-weekly meetings. I did a discussion group for mostly fellow phd students enrolled in a mentoring program last year, with moderate success (a few people came multiple times and said it helped their insecurity). 

I now want to go public and run a real-life test whether a sharing circle is something that could be also commercially successful and still work for the people involved. Also to see whether I can even form one with people I don't know, and who don't have that much in common. 

The idea is to rent a room at a teashop for an evening every two weeks and make the group accessible for anyone who comes. The teashop has a slightly ezo name and they run workshops from Pilates to massage to drums so this would more or less fit with their programs and could be advertised on their website.  

I also want to run this project with one of my friends from the group we already have. She's also looking into switching careers from math to something more in line with "working with people", and she can hold a circle wonderfully. With a large group, it's certainly better if there are two facilitators, and also, if one is ill, having a partner who can lead the group is the solution.

I am encountering a number of insecurities: 

• This is my very first encounter with the world of small business. I have almost no clue about the law, about advertising or anything. Seems a lot to learn.
• I have been "holding back" bits of myself in a lot of environments. My public facebook (available to former classmates and more distant acquitances) doesn't say too often that I'm into personal development. Neither do I speak about it at work. I also don't say routinely that I'm involved with bdsm and polyamory communities. I feel that hiding aspects of my life is something that has to go, if I'm about to lead a circle based on honesty and openness. I'd put all this information about myself (personal development, polyamory, bdsm, probably also my mental health history) right out there into my intro on the website, as these are my qualifications for understanding and accepting people's struggles and differences. Though I've been "out" to friends with everything, this degree of vulnerability with both my immediate and broad social surroundings feels freaking scary. 
• I have no formal qualification to do what I'm about to do. I want to do a training in facilitating discussions to have something more official. But I'm not a certified therapist. There are some groups focused on sharing or personal development in my city led by certified therapists. In contrast, I'm a phd student in physics who sometimes sucks as human communication and had to work on her empathetic skills from scratch. (My old self is screaming: What the fuck are you doing???)
• I hope the business aspect won't ruin my good intentions or the benefit of sharing for the people attending. Right now I'm a bit struggling to come to terms with my wish to make money out of this being rather intense (I NEED to switch careers). I know this is a tiny project, and also that groups like this are certainly not the full answer, but I still want it to also work comfortably money-wise.
• I'm a bit afraid what could happen adding the layer of "business relations" to the friendship with my to-be-partner. I know my friend is kind and moral and just as passionate about sharing and finally putting herself out there as me, but our intentions may get misaligned at some point, and we may have different blocks about money. Phew. 

Is there anything I should know that I don't at this point? 

Any ideas, questions or comments please? 

Edited January 21, 2020 by Elisabeth

[Elisabeth]

Any related experience would be nice to read... 

Edited January 22, 2020 by Elisabeth

[Average Investor]

You ever consider making the meeting free access, then having other things you charge for at the meeting? I would be much more inclined to attend something that is free. You could also find a coffee shop or library and go for free depending on what you are doing. Something like a park could work really well too just to start. 

Likely it is going to take like 6-12 months for a project to really start producing income. Most small business don't turn a profit first year. I am not saying that to discourage you, but just to make you aware of that. Another thing you can do later on once you are comfortable is film yourself during these meetings on what you are saying and use them for youtube and other social media to build more path ways to get new clients and generate revenue in other ways. 

Business partners could be tough later on if you form a successful business without proper paper work. You could also cause yourself to be liable for what they do unless you form a LLC together. So if someone sues them for an action of the business, then guess who is liable too. I get that maybe you don't want to spend extra funds on it now, but a lawyer is good for a reason. You can pay $100 for a consultation and actually get a lot of value alternatively too. I would not really recommend trying to form a corporation between you two without a lawyer. I would say when the business can afford to pay the lawyer for it, then go do it. 

I also recommend that you set up a separate bank account so you can see funds going in and out specifically for the business even if it is not officially formed yet. Keeping all receipts of purchases towards it and tracking things like miles you drive etc. An accountant would be a good investment later when it makes sense too. 

Judging by your profile join date, you have been in self-help for quite a bit. I mean initially you are just going to ask everyone about themselves. You can ask what people would envision for future, goals, hobbies, what they want to work on etc. Then give your experience and have people work together to help each other too. You don't need to be some hot shot to have a free meeting with other like minded people. If you decide to charge later, then no worries. You really need to learn about the clients that DO show up. Learn what kind of income bracket they are in and other things that will help you determine what you can charge and what type of products you could possibly offer. You would be surprised some of the people there might even tell you what they are looking to buy. 

[Elisabeth]

@Average Investor Thanks. I agree, if the business is growing bigger, it would be probably worth to have the help of a lawyer and an accountant.  

I don't sell other stuff. I facilitate a sharing circle. So it's more like a workshop. Right now it's a test. Can we run a group like this? Will it still work if people have to pay for it?

With charging later, I'm worried that if I start for free, or underpriced, and eventually start charging more, I will break trust. People start forming bonds, then I ask money? Very different from when people forming bonds at a place with paid access. Then they've known all along.

Edited January 23, 2020 by Elisabeth

[Average Investor]

@Elisabeth It's true. It's always easier to lower the price than to raise it. Most don't like it when a price goes up lol. Keep it in mind and see what you can do with it. 

[Nahm]

On 1/21/2020 at 11:24 AM, Elisabeth said:

 

I am encountering a number of insecurities: 

Notice thoughts of the past, are thoughts of the past. In believing them, there is identity and ‘the now’ is colored by them (insecurities). “Take the power back” by noticing how it is “given away”, in thought. Now is Power. Presence is Power. Feeling your BEST is Power.

• This is my very first encounter with the world of small business. I have almost no clue about the law, about advertising or anything. Seems a lot to learn.

Not if all there is in focus, is now. Seriously...a great exercise would be to go watch something being built, like ideally a brick building. The longer you sit, the more you see the actuality of a single brick at a time, now. Watch ants & an ant hill. Seriously. I once started at a rock for a very long time, and it changed my entire life. Lol. I thought complexity was needed. Simplicity was actual, all along. 

• I have been "holding back" bits of myself in a lot of environments. My public facebook (available to former classmates and more distant acquitances) doesn't say too often that I'm into personal development. Neither do I speak about it at work. I also don't say routinely that I'm involved with bdsm and polyamory communities. I feel that hiding aspects of my life is something that has to go, if I'm about to lead a circle based on honesty and openness. I'd put all this information about myself (personal development, polyamory, bdsm, probably also my mental health history) right out there into my intro on the website, as these are my qualifications for understanding and accepting people's struggles and differences. Though I've been "out" to friends with everything, this degree of vulnerability with both my immediate and broad social surroundings feels freaking scary. 

 I would drop that in it’s entirety. You need no qualification of a self. The opposite is liberation. 

• I have no formal qualification to do what I'm about to do. I want to do a training in facilitating discussions to have something more official. But I'm not a certified therapist. There are some groups focused on sharing or personal development in my city led by certified therapists. In contrast, I'm a phd student in physics who sometimes sucks as human communication and had to work on her empathetic skills from scratch. (My old self is screaming: What the fuck are you doing???)

There’s no “old self”....this is a narrative which can be inspected and let go of. If you want a qualification, get a qualification. In hindsight, you’ll have seen what it is, and what it isn’t. Likely, you’ll realize you could have learned more in a shorter time on your own, and also be glad you got the qualification. You win however you go about this. You can not get it wrong. Going about it, feels good. Let that be enough.  Also, inspect for beliefs & ways you see people, based on their qualifications. Then consider, Donald Trump is a president, because he’s creating his own reality, not because he’s qualified (and not that I think he isn’t). Feelings arising now...are what to inspect. Why do I think that way? Why do I spend time thinking about X at all?  What’s so important, as to allow it to knock me out of this deliciousness of presence, of now. What’s more valuable than this, now?      (Whatever it is...it’s literally just a thought.) What is actual, where the awesomeness and amazing feelings are, is this ordinary, seemingly uneventful - now. Your “regular ongoing”. Total miracle. A thought of anything else, is a thought.  A thought, is itself, miraculous. You simply can not ‘get it wrong’. 

• I hope the business aspect won't ruin my good intentions or the benefit of sharing for the people attending. Right now I'm a bit struggling to come to terms with my wish to make money out of this being rather intense (I NEED to switch careers). I know this is a tiny project, and also that groups like this are certainly not the full answer, but I still want it to also work comfortably money-wise.

Just start. Wake up, meditate, write down one thing for today, and do that one thing with all the love, enthusiasm and determination you can muster. Double check yourself through out the day...”why am I doing this?” Because it’s what I want most to be doing!”. Feeling amazing Trumps any and every thought. It’s like if you wanted to put on a fireworks show...gotta take your attention off watching fireworks, and get into how they’re made, launched, timed, etc. Never straying from that you are doing so, because it is what you most want to be doing. Trade doubts for interest & finding out, uncertainty for curiosity & the thrill of the ride, trade thinking...for now...for feeling. Write a couple “go to’s” on your wall with a permanent marker. Be done fucking around, and loving the feeling of that. For a while, my go to’s were Abe Hicks, RATM, and exercise. You know what yours are already. Just get em outta the head, and on the wall, “into reality”. You both cleared your mind and have literally begun the manifestation of your dreams. Notice as you are writing, you are creating the happening of what you are writing about. It’s easy to miss, as it is soooo simple. You are writing it on the wall. It wasn’t there, it wasn’t in reality. You wrote it, now it actually is. This is a miracle. This is not a given, or just how it is. It is unexplainable. You are creation, creating. You are a creator. Write every “why” that comes to mind. Make the ‘why’ an ongoing list, on the wall, so you see how it’s expanding and solidifying - in unison with ‘penetrating’ deeper into emotion, busting layers like punch-boards with feeling-awesomeness. 

• I'm a bit afraid what could happen adding the layer of "business relations" to the friendship with my to-be-partner. I know my friend is kind and moral and just as passionate about sharing and finally putting herself out there as me, but our intentions may get misaligned at some point, and we may have different blocks about money. Phew. 

Again, no need at all to label yourself online. A break in nature could be ‘just the thing’. 

Sorry, I misunderstood...I’d write those concerns down, both of you. And work them through in the same manor. Feeling each thought, choosing a better feeling thought. It’s all relative. If a problem can arise, the solution is only a matter of relativity, and your inner guidance of it. Outline as much as is feasible & possible, as to how things will go and be addressed in moving forward together. Also include what you’ll do, how that will be done, if an impasse which wasn’t addressed, does arise. Maybe now, ahead of things, agree on a third party person, just to have someone to bring a new perspective and help you guys with whatever the impasse is. Both of you should sign & date it. There is commitment & accountability felt, from that. Imo, four layers of ‘what we’ll do if’, is ample. 

Is there anything I should know that I don't at this point? 

NO. THERE ISN’T. THAT’S HUGE. Learn what you like....but THERE IS NOTHING YOU’RE “SUPPOSED” TO KNOW, WHICH YOU DON’T.♥️

There’s a great paradox of self discovery at play. Self appears as uncertainty. You’d have to basically be the hero of your own life, to proceed. But proceed one step at a time. One bite at a time. One word at a time. One thought at a time. Human life is not “off” from the creation of time. Time is created for the experience. Align in it, so to speak. Smell the roses. Actually, literally, stop - and actually smell the roses.  What arises, in this alignment, what’s revealed, is that you are a certainty so much greater than anything I could mention. Un-f’ing-fathomable. It’s Christmas you know? Unwrap yo Self! 

Saw this unfolding a while back. Happy to see it unfolding now too. ??

Effortlessness....it doesn’t matter what you do, it matters how you feel about what you do. Find the feeling first...then ‘do’.

I’ve opened a few business which have been successful for the duration. If you have questions about tax filing, building clientele, conversations, etc, etc, - anything I can be useful with, I am happy to be. ??

 

 

[Guest SirVladimir]

@Elisabeth What's up, El, I'm going to share my look on this also.

I feel you have a strong confidence in the end-service, but you struggle to believe in yourself regarding the business execution. Don't worry too much about it. You should definitely hike up to social networks. Almost the whole republic is there, and I am sure with a good strategy, you will reach customers. Set straight and precise goals about your business model: How does my ideal customer look like? What is my model of income? What about the environment? Does the business solve a need. so people are interested? 

Establishing an LLC (s.r.o. in our case) can be risky, especially when you are unsure of the stability and future of the business. I wouldn't even think about filling in the paperwork, unless the business is already taking off and you're seeing early results. It's only my opinion, but I wouldn't start a company with someone, unless I absolutely trust that person with my heart. I'd prefer to have the control and adjust according to the situation, because I ideally see what's best for the business. A lot of times, opinions can interfere. Oh and don't worry, I am in the early stages of execution as well. It's not like some dirty little secrets I came up with after I've successfully executed dozen business ideas. One thing though, always be dead clear about your mission and services to your clients. Let them know what they are paying for beforehand. Always.

Also hit up Nahm for sure. 

Though my life purpose is to explore and exploration itself, I really feel what you're trying to achieve. Building something similar would actually be my lesser purpose, should I still choose that road. I was once high on shamanic breathing, and as I was slowly stumbling back, I thought, this beauty, all people must see. (I remember "breathing my way down" to a rice field in China, no jokes.) I wanted to create a shamanic breathing center, or anything supposedly alike. I still have a place for that in my heart, it's just that our republic is so small, right? Ha, funny how I am starting to get the same worries as you, as I write. Definitely hit me up if you manage to pull it all together; building a company, making it stable so it can feed you, etc. - and I'll do and offer my little breathing sessions in the corner. 

 

[Elisabeth]

@Nahm Thank you, I was hoping you'd stop by. As usual, your post is high up there. I'll re-read it tomorrow!

@SirVladimir Thanks!

For now, I don't think I need to be starting a company. It's just one group which will struggle to make any money. I think I just need to register or something (and figure out how taxes and EET bullshit works). Of course, if this group is successful, I'll be thinking about where to take it further. My ideal would be if attending a sharing circle or a support group became just the new normal for people. For now, I just keep hearing jokes about AA O:)

As for shamanic breathing, there is a centre in our country. In fact, multiple! They don't do holotropic breathwork exclusively, but they are run by facilitators trained by Grof in the early nineties. If you don't know them, send me a pm

[Nahm]

@Elisabeth ♥️

Wanted to add something...and it sounds terrible, sorry. Taking a shot at a deeper place... Bringing your story with you insures the continuance of it. Telling the new story, the only-what-you-want-story, is unstoppable. You might be thinking...’but it helps if you’re making a post about where you’re at so people can ....yada yada yada. That is what I’m pointing to. As literally as it can be heard. Zero thought, of zero story of ‘ol, is what I’m saying. If you have to fill out a form, and it takes second to remember your name, that’s not really a problem. The fifty pound vest that is the past, the identity, the story of ol, can be dropped. It’s so incredibly powerful. It’s kind of rude to say obviously, but it’s kinda very helpful in a ‘seed’ sort of way. (hopefully ?)

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

 

 

 

4

On 24. 1. 2020 at 5:10 AM, Nahm said:

Zero thought, of zero story of ‘ol, is what I’m saying. If you have to fill out a form, and it takes second to remember your name, that’s not really a problem. The fifty pound vest that is the past, the identity, the story of ol, can be dropped. It’s so incredibly powerful. It’s kind of rude to say obviously, but it’s kinda very helpful in a ‘seed’ sort of way. (hopefully ?)

Reaction upon reading: I don't trust enough. 

Edited January 25, 2020 by Elisabeth

[Nahm]

@Elisabeth

How does that thought feel...Great or not great? 

[Elisabeth]

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Elisabeth

How does that thought feel...Great or not great? 

Not so great. Not too terrible either. Kind of a neutral observation & disappointment following. 

I read my diary from 10 years ago today. You're right - there is no old self. I remembered some of the events described there, but the thought process captured... it didn't feel 'mine', it felt like written by a stranger. 

[Nahm]

@Elisabeth Ya.  Trust is such a sneaky thought. Like it’s ‘supposed to’ feel good, but it’s actually separative, given the direct access of feeling, and the relativity to each thought. Feeling in never wrong. 

[Meetjoeblack]

On 21/01/2020 at 0:54 PM, Elisabeth said:

Is there anything I should know that I don't at this point? 

Any ideas, questions or comments please? 

Any ideas on how you will 1. Monopolise it? 2. How you will market it? 3. Scale it up? 

Its annoying but money is do damn important. I cannot take it with me when I go to the next place but, it frees up time to do what you love. 

 

4. What has happened sense you first wrote that? 5. Where do you go from here? 

[Trinity55]

On 1/21/2020 at 5:24 PM, Elisabeth said:

This is my preliminary life purpose statement from about a year ago (needs to be refined as it's not specific enough, but that's not easy to do): 

"Finding connections to open up new possibilities for people and the world at large to grow"

(first posted here https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/28562-first-shot-at-life-purpose/)

and this is what I posted last summer, heavily influenced by a trip:

"I want to show people that they can connect and share and give and get support in thematic self-help groups and sharing circles, and through the bond formed there combat loneliness and get more insight into their personal issues, which will help them overcome these more easily."

(first posted here https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/37934-i-want-to-lead-small-groups/)

I also put together a personal development self-help group with my friends (who are all awesome, amazing people) which has been running strong now for a year and a half now with bi-weekly meetings. I did a discussion group for mostly fellow phd students enrolled in a mentoring program last year, with moderate success (a few people came multiple times and said it helped their insecurity). 

I now want to go public and run a real-life test whether a sharing circle is something that could be also commercially successful and still work for the people involved. Also to see whether I can even form one with people I don't know, and who don't have that much in common. 

The idea is to rent a room at a teashop for an evening every two weeks and make the group accessible for anyone who comes. The teashop has a slightly ezo name and they run workshops from Pilates to massage to drums so this would more or less fit with their programs and could be advertised on their website.  

I also want to run this project with one of my friends from the group we already have. She's also looking into switching careers from math to something more in line with "working with people", and she can hold a circle wonderfully. With a large group, it's certainly better if there are two facilitators, and also, if one is ill, having a partner who can lead the group is the solution.

I am encountering a number of insecurities: 

• This is my very first encounter with the world of small business. I have almost no clue about the law, about advertising or anything. Seems a lot to learn.
• I have been "holding back" bits of myself in a lot of environments. My public facebook (available to former classmates and more distant acquitances) doesn't say too often that I'm into personal development. Neither do I speak about it at work. I also don't say routinely that I'm involved with bdsm and polyamory communities. I feel that hiding aspects of my life is something that has to go, if I'm about to lead a circle based on honesty and openness. I'd put all this information about myself (personal development, polyamory, bdsm, probably also my mental health history) right out there into my intro on the website, as these are my qualifications for understanding and accepting people's struggles and differences. Though I've been "out" to friends with everything, this degree of vulnerability with both my immediate and broad social surroundings feels freaking scary. 
• I have no formal qualification to do what I'm about to do. I want to do a training in facilitating discussions to have something more official. But I'm not a certified therapist. There are some groups focused on sharing or personal development in my city led by certified therapists. In contrast, I'm a phd student in physics who sometimes sucks as human communication and had to work on her empathetic skills from scratch. (My old self is screaming: What the fuck are you doing???)
• I hope the business aspect won't ruin my good intentions or the benefit of sharing for the people attending. Right now I'm a bit struggling to come to terms with my wish to make money out of this being rather intense (I NEED to switch careers). I know this is a tiny project, and also that groups like this are certainly not the full answer, but I still want it to also work comfortably money-wise.
• I'm a bit afraid what could happen adding the layer of "business relations" to the friendship with my to-be-partner. I know my friend is kind and moral and just as passionate about sharing and finally putting herself out there as me, but our intentions may get misaligned at some point, and we may have different blocks about money. Phew. 

Is there anything I should know that I don't at this point? 

Any ideas, questions or comments please? 

Hi Dear,

 

This field will only show itself when the path been walked... There are ton's of help out there, but only the do-ers can gain real knowledge. 
Keep up the planning, set goals, and start doing it today.  The only way is forward:)
 

[Elisabeth]

 

 

 

 

2

On 26. 1. 2020 at 1:01 AM, Meetjoeblack said:

Any ideas on how you will 1. Monopolise it? 2. How you will market it? 3. Scale it up? 

Its annoying but money is do damn important. I cannot take it with me when I go to the next place but, it frees up time to do what you love. 

4. What has happened sense you first wrote that? 5. Where do you go from here? 

Good questions. Some preliminary steps happened this week. 

1. I'm using a simple principle which is age-old, so I can't really monopolize. In fact, I'll be extremely happy if the idea spreads and attending a self-help or sharing group becomes the norm. At the same time, a circle led by me is going to be unique because no-one else is me. 

2. We do have some marketing ideas. For start, we'll do a web page or at least a facebook page that clearly states the benefits of attending regularly and ask our friends to share it - should be enough to get people for one group. 

3. No idea. I don't think its scalable, beyond me giving it more time and running more groups. But I may get an idea for something bigger by running it and learning skills. 

4. We had a preparatory meeting with my collaborating people. I wrote to that teashop to book the room. We have another meeting scheduled. I attended someone else's sharing circle to see how they do it. (This week was rather busy.)

5. We have to confirm booking the space and figure out the marketing technicalities.