Marry the one you love, or the one loves you?

[vampiria]

I’m a 39 years old male. I’m dating someone since last summer. We see each other often. We took vacations together. She is truly in love with me. And she wants to take the next step. 

She’s a very nice lady. She would be a good wife and a good mom. I like her. But I’m not in love with her.

I was married before with someone I love. She tried to love me back, but it didn’t work out. It was a painful break up for both of us. I don't want the same thing happen again.

I’ve been singe for a long time. I enjoy the dating scene. I love chasing love. It will be hard for me to go exclusive. I’m not sure how it will go. Should I break her heart now rather than later?

Or; I really enjoy being loved, and I appreciate her feelings. Should I marry the woman who loves me? 

I have to make this important decision very soon. What would Leo do?

[Meetjoeblack]

If divorce is over 50 % and if 80% of divorce initiated by women, why would any sane man do it? 

Its no prerequisite. You don't need it to survive. Nobody is waiting till marriage in the degenerate society we live in. 

At 39. You have gone X amount of time without marriage. You can buy something nice like a house or a car or even save that for something productive. 

Jeff Bozo is the richest man in the world for amazon. The richest woman is his ex wife due to divorce lol. 

Don't do it! 

[LordFall]

Don't marry someone who you're not crazily into and who's not crazily into you. Most marriage fail because the people that get in them are mostly afraid of being alone or conform to social norms and settle for those relationships.

In this day and age, you can learn seduction and connection and find a partner that will blow you away and the doubts you have now will not even enter your mind.

It's already obvious that you're asking this question out of scarcity. Are you confident in your ability to attract a multitude of high quality women in your life that would jump at the chance of a relationship with you if you did break up with this one? I'd be shocked if you were.

Work on yourself and your views on relationships and women because just the fact that you're asking this question shows that you don't know enough. You want both and you NEED both. Why would you choose between two terrible options?

[Meetjoeblack]

5 hours ago, LordFall said:

Don't marry someone who you're not crazily into and who's not crazily into you. Most marriage fail because the people that get in them are mostly afraid of being alone or conform to social norms and settle for those relationships.

In this day and age, you can learn seduction and connection and find a partner that will blow you away and the doubts you have now will not even enter your mind.

It's already obvious that you're asking this question out of scarcity. Are you confident in your ability to attract a multitude of high quality women in your life that would jump at the chance of a relationship with you if you did break up with this one? I'd be shocked if you were.

Work on yourself and your views on relationships and women because just the fact that you're asking this question shows that you don't know enough. You want both and you NEED both. Why would you choose between two terrible options?

I agree with you to be with someone who is really into you and your into. Marriage is cucked now. It fails because "people" have incentives for divorce. For example, Jeff Bozo of amazon is divorced. The richest woman is rich via divorce. 

Let that digest. 

I agree about "not know enough" but in a degenerate society and cucked culture, its unreal a person is asking the question. As in, searching for a answer vs digesting the cucked crap society keeps pushing. 

@vampiria why get married? Why follow the beaten path? Its egomania to assume one's above the fallout of divorce and the shit show. Heavy barrier to entry and more on the exit. Count me out lol.

I am content for dating unexclusively. Netflix is near free. Coffee is cheap. I saw a funny bit on jre from a female comedians saying she doesn't want sex after having dinner. 

Why do guys do this lol

[ajasatya]

@vampiria Beware. Love is different from passion. Passion is what mainstream media promotes as love... and this leads to great confusion.

Love is built in years, day after day. Passion appears on the first date and burns out like a blazing fire. Love is autonomy and passion may manifest as emotional codependency.

If you're thinking about marriage, go for the long run. Ask yourself if you want to age with her. You'll need a superb friend for this.

I have been married for 2 years and we didn't love each other in the beginning nearly as much as we love each other today.

[tsuki]

20 hours ago, vampiria said:

She’s a very nice lady. She would be a good wife and a good mom. I like her. But I’m not in love with her.

Please elaborate on what your definition of love is.
What does it mean that she loves you and what does it mean that you don't love her?
What does it mean that you loved your ex and that she did not love you back?

Love is not something that just happens to people. It's also a choice that is made and maintained.

[LordFall]

4 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@vampiria Beware. Love is different from passion. Passion is what mainstream media promotes as love... and this leads to great confusion.

Love is built in years, day after day. Passion appears on the first date and burns out like a blazing fire. Love is autonomy and passion may manifest as emotional codependency.

If you're thinking about marriage, go for the long run. Ask yourself if you want to age with her. You'll need a superb friend for this.

I have been married for 2 years and we didn't love each other in the beginning nearly as much as we love each other today.

Do you think passion is necessarily a bad thing? I think issues arise when people let passion blind them to the truth of a situation. You could have a person that's not right for you and you clearly have no future with but passion blinds you to it and you stay with them much longer than you should. With a bit of experience though, I think passion and love can go hand in hand.

[ajasatya]

@LordFall Passion is necessary in the beginning. But a LTR requires something way beyond passion.

[vampiria]

If you call it passion yes I'm still so passionate about women. This passion will leave me when I get old. Can I leave my passion before it leaves me?

I always dreamed about women. Some of those dreams came true, but eventually ended. Now I have a chance to make someone else's dream come true. Can you be happy in someone else's dream?

 

 

[Meetjoeblack]

7 hours ago, vampiria said:

If you call it passion yes I'm still so passionate about women. This passion will leave me when I get old. Can I leave my passion before it leaves me?

I always dreamed about women. Some of those dreams came true, but eventually ended. Now I have a chance to make someone else's dream come true. Can you be happy in someone else's dream?

I have no clue what the hell you are talking about. 

I did however smash a girl in my dream. Gross because I was asleep and likely air humping lulz. 

The weird part is that, i was a kid, shortly after puberty, and i met her irl. She was cuter in person but neither one of us could make eye contact. It was serious animal pounding one another into oblivion. I woke up sore. 

Anyways, i am fascinated by hemi-sync and AP. Curious if that's relevant. I'm unsure. 

To answer the question, she was pretty happy in the dream. Me too. She was red face irl when I saw her though. It was hilarious. Before pickup and becoming a goon hah. 

[Meetjoeblack]

6 hours ago, Keyhole said:

I would wait for someone that you also love, or else you are settling and she is not being loved as she should.

 

Imho and extensive experience in pickup, nobody is waiting. I note conservatism is on the rise. Promiscuity is still in the norm. Many happily married couples i know hooked up SNL. It was hilarious. Intended ONS and it evolved. They got foid, hung out, and one thing led to another. Its hilarious to consider mainstream consciousness and reality. It doesn't align. 

I am busying myself in activities including Leo's purpose course. It is keeping me out of trouble. I have been working on the projects and plans I have for myself. By default, unless it's something legit or a quick Netflix and chill, I am not exactly interested. 

I saw the video about girl says she wants a kiwi but picks bananas. Reference for choosing Chad's and Tyrone for a booty call in youth. Its comical but she makes a point. 

Good is boring. 

[whoareyou]

The clear answer here is both. Passion is very important - if you are with someone in a LTR, both should be passionate about each other. Without passion, it won't work.

 Don't let people tell you that passion is only needed in the beginning - passion is needed in the long run as well, but not the only criteria of course. 

[Ananta]

On 1/19/2020 at 1:47 PM, Meetjoeblack said:

Jeff Bozo is the richest man in the world for amazon. The richest woman is his ex wife due to divorce lol. 

And "he" wants the divorce, "he" has another woman, that "he" will marry when the divorce is final. They were married 25 years without a prenup.

I stated this last time you brought it onto the forum. Like two days ago.

You are just endlessly trying to slander women in any way. Its noticable and you've been warned.

[SgtPepper]

@ajasatya is correct.

You gotta learn how to kindle the original passion as a male and make sure you are staying aware of how the masculine and feminine dynamics is being played out in your relationship long-term.

You gotta find someone that speaks to your mind, heart, and sexuality. 

Edited January 22, 2020 by SgtPepper