How to stop homosexuality?

[bejapuskas]

@Consept  What made you think that? I am just curious.  

[Consept]

2 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Consept  What made you think that? I am just curious.  

Lol no problem, well with all pure O (no or limited external compulsions) themes its something the person fears because they dont feel its them but they cant distinguish between just a thought and them if that makes sense. So for example most people will have a thought of that person of the same sex is attractive and not really think further than that, but with the ocd person it might trigger them and then they see the thought as making them uncertain of something they thought they knew about themselves, so they cant rest until they find out for certain whether theyre gay or not which of course you can never be certain of. Then it leads to compulsions like asking people if they think youre gay or researching or even watching gay porn to see if you get aroused. 

So as for a reason for me i had ocd and it was seen as a really bad thing to be gay where im from so any thought i had that was even a little bit questioning my sexuality created anxiety for me. Thats really the difference is that gay thoughts will cause someone with hocd anxiety rather than pleasure. I never really saw anything with being gay but ive had much weirder themes in the past, ocd is really a messy condition, i still have anxiety and the thoughts come up but its not as powerful as i understand it a lot better  

[Buba]

52 minutes ago, Shin said:

Those disgusting feelings are ONLY there because you have beliefs about how gayness is not right, not normal.

I too questioned my sexuality at some point, and it was also disgusting, until I accepted it.

It doesn't really matter if you're gay or not, what matter is that you have to stop saying in your head that certain things are ultimately right or wrong.

Then if you like to deepthroat a man or not is irrelevant, you'd do it with 0 shame, and it would be the saame for everything activities in your life.

You'd be free ?

If being gay and heterosexual were the same thing for me, if I was not scared of being gay and did not care, that would be pure happiness.  I would not even question my sexual identity. 

But I am not there and I am scared.

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, Buba said:

If being gay and heterosexual were the same thing for me, if I was not scared of being gay and did not care, that would be pure happiness.  I would not even question my sexual identity. 

But I am not there and I am scared.

You're always gonna be scared if you don't look directly into what makes you feel bad inside.

Rejecting those feelings in any way will just make them stick, and they'll even grow.

That doesn't mean acting on anything, but just diving into the fear and let yourself feel it fully.

Whatever you fear you imagine yourself in a situation where it happens, you feel the emotions inside, you don't react or think anything of it, you just feel it, and let it go.

Letting it go is different than rejecting, watch the episode of Leo about letting go ?

 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Consept  Wow, ok, so where do you think is the boundary between straight x hocd x gayness, is there a set boundary, or like a useful one that you could use for this?  

@Buba  Are you still attracted to girls or did that fade away? I am not sure from what you're saying...

[Consept]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

@Consept  Wow, ok, so where do you think is the boundary between straight x hocd x gayness, is there a set boundary, or like a useful one that you could use for this?  

@Buba  Are you still attracted to girls or did that fade away? I am not sure from what you're saying...

@bejapuskas lol yeah i know its a bit wild if youve never heard it before. Good question though, from what i can see someone who is straight and has hocd will get anxiety when thoughts that could be called gay pop up the thoughts are definitely not pleasurable and will lead to rumination, now keep in mind other common themes are incest ocd and pedophile ocd, so its not limited to just gay, also gay people can get ocd thoughts about being straight. If you were just gay your thoughts would be pleasurable the fear of being gay is how you think your family might take it, so its not uncommon for people in the closet to watch gay porn or even have gay sexual experiences in private, (think Vito if you watched sopranos) the fear isnt of the thoughts themselves.

Admittedly from the outside its hard to tell so its really only the person thats suffering with it that knows deep down. The reason i think op has hocd in this case is that he seemingly suddenly turned gay without warning, this is a common thought pattern for ocd people, hes looking for a way to 'solve' being gay which is also common, as far as hes told us his only proof is that he had a gay thought that hes scared he may have enjoyed, he hasnt had any gay experiences or been interested in gay porn or anything like that from what hes been saying. Hes also said hes had ocd since childhood and being gay is really looked down upon in his society. So with all this its not much of a stretch to say that he has a possibly legitimate fear that if he was gay his life would be affected negatively, mix that with a gay thought and an ocd problem that goes to childhood, id say theres a lot there to say its ocd. Of course i may be wrong and if i am i hope he accepts his gayness and goes for it but i just dont think its the case

Edited January 23, 2020 by Consept

[Chumbimba]

@Buba I have had this happen to me before. It’s HOCD. If you fear being gay, you aren’t gay. If you liked women your whole life you are straight. You don’t just wake up one day homosexual it don’t work that way. 
 

You need exposure therapy and Self-Love like Leo said. It will pass with time.

https://www.psychforums.com/obsessive-compulsive/topic192118.html

[Farnaby]

As @Consept said, only you can know deep down who you're attracted to. Sexual orientation is more fluid than we use to think. There are of course people who feel 100% straight or 100% gay, but it's not uncommon to not be on either end of the spectrum. Also, attraction is complex, so you can for instance sexually be attracted to women but intelectually or emotionally feel attraction towards a man. 

However, I have to agree with @Consept and @Chumbimba when they say this looks more like an obsessive rumination about the possibility of being gay, rather than you actually being gay. From the way you write about your experience it's pretty clear that the thought of being gay causes you a lot of anxiety (rightly so if we consider the culture you were raised in). This is typical in obsessive problematics such as OCD. I'm not a fan of such diagnostic labels, but as others have said, this is a common theme in people who have a tendency to ruminate, obsess and feel anxious and usually the fear revolves around the possibility of being gay, whereas gay people are usually more concerned about how society will take it but they are usually pretty sure about who they feel attracted to. 

In any case, as I said in another reply, the way to stop suffering is the same in both cases: find a safe place where you can observe your thoughts and feelings, asking your inner critic for permission and asking him/her/it to stand aside for a moment. Your inner critic is likely going to resist this "experiment" so reassure it that if things get too overwhelming you'll welcome it back.

Do this whenever you are in a safe place and have a little time to get in touch with yourself. If you do this consistently and treat all your parts (the one that has gay thoughts, the one that's scared of being gay, the one that critizices you for having these thoughts, etc.) with compassion, you'll soon feel how your suffering lessens.

Don't worry, you will still be in control of your actions. This isn't going to lead you to become gay. It doesn't work that way. It will just lessen the inner resistance and conflict you're experiencing  

[Chumbimba]

@Buba Maybe you’re getting more in touch with your feminine side. Look for a more masculine female and see if you like it.

 

[bejapuskas]

@Consept  I actually think it can be a very sudden change, without ever being interested in it. that's just my experience though. Also the oreintation can change throughout your life, even multiple times... I just think the categories are very fluid and not so strictly given... Also I don't think it's easy to accept that you're gay, come on, if you started having these thoughts, it would at least be weird as hell.

[Buba]

Unfortunately it is not OCD.

I started to go to psychoanalysis in November. 

Several weeks ago he implied I could be passive gay, I was shocked and scared and asked him “am I passive gay”, he answered if you were passive gay you would had already done it. I felt relief.

During this period first time in my life I fantasized a man fucking my butt and how we kissed and I acted like a woman in this fantasy. And I enjoyed it very much.

On 10th January I told psychoanalyst about this fantasy and he implied again I am passive gay.

This hit me very strong. It was devastating. I went home and felt a burning sensation around my anus. It was a thirst for a dick. I became very depressed. When I focused on those sensations 2-3 emotions released which made me feel a woman. Even my manners became feminine after releasing those emotions. I felt a real horror. Psychoanalist said keep going, release emotions and live the horror. But I had a resistence. I did not want to become a gay. Releasing those emotions clearly were making me gay. I started to feel the eneegy of men, I did not want them be close to me because of these weirdness.

Last time psychoanalyst told me that I had repressed my passive gay feelings violently. So I have to release those emotions, which obviously will make me gay.

But I dont want to be gay. I still have little hope that I will wake up and see somebody invented a medicine to stop homosexuality. That would be such good news.

I am not against other people being gay. I know gay people whom I respect and have good relations with. I am against myself being gay. I want to believe in miracles that somebody would save my ass. Energy healing, medicine, whatever.

[pluto]

Balance is the key.

 

Edited January 25, 2020 by pluto

[Consept]

15 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

@Consept

@Buba

19 hours ago, Buba said:

 

@bejapuskas

I hear what you're saying and yes you probably can change sexuality however many times but the point is that that would be an exploration of your sexuality that you'd probably enjoy. With ocd there is literally no enjoyment, the thoughts bring about anxiety and not pleasure, also they are usually just one theme out of many. So let's say being gay didn't bother the ocd sufferer anymore it would then switch to another fear, maybe they fear they want to harm their mum, that doesn't mean they actually just discovered they wanted to do it. 

What can happen with people with ocd is that people get stuck on the content, the actual condition is an over active amegdyla. I heard about a male teacher who had pedophile ocd, people found out and he got sacked from his job. So I really believe there needs to be more understanding about the condition. 

If you read op comments he's in a state of panic, a lot of gay people would feel relief at the revelation they're gay. For example although it's not a good thing I felt relief when I discovered I had ocd because before I found out about it I couldn't put my finger on what my issue was. 

 

Edited January 24, 2020 by Consept

[bejapuskas]

@Consept  Yeh definitely understanding is great! I just never thought that people feel relief when they first start finding out new things about their sexuality, I thought it is mostly shocking or at least like a weird territory kinda feeling. It seemed kinda natural and true to think this, because these kinds of people have much higher suicide rates than heterosexuals, in which I cannot find a relationship with relief, but it might be more complex than that. I might ask more people about this... 

[bejapuskas]

@pluto  Do you mean that a balanced person is in the middle or can it be something like hyper-masculine, super-straight, hopelessly romantic hypersexual monogamous vanilla type of person? 

[Chumbimba]

@Buba you’re not gay bro. It ocd. I promie you. I went through everything you’re describing for many months. If you don’t want to be gay YOU AREN’T gay. Just because you feel pleasure from the thoughts of getting dick does not mean you are gay. You have liked girls you’re whole life. Also a psychologist or whatever you are seeing doesn’t know your sexuality only you do. 
 

Here’s an exercise for you: Go on google images or instagram and scroll through pictures of homosexual men. Do this for 30 minutes a day for at least 2 weeks and you will learn your true sexuality. 

[Viking]

hey, i also experience that fear to an extent and i also "feel men's energy" sometimes. my situation is also a bit harder i think because im a virgin. what helped me accept myself as i am is to realize i have a choice and i dont have to act on it if i dont want to.

you have a choice. if you see an attractive woman on the street you have a choice to approach her or not. it wont "create a conflict" in you if you dont approach her.

OK, you get turned on by having gay fantasies, but when you meet a man do you actually want to start flirting with him and bring him home? the idea might make you aroused, but do you ACTUALLY want to do it? practically? do you have the desire to try new things? if you genuinely wanted to do it i dont think there would be any fear because there wouldn't be any reason not to do it.

you said that the brotherhood is very valuable to you. so what's more important? your brotherhood or enjoy having gay sex? if the answer is brotherhood you dont have to have gay sex. it's the same as wanting to have sex with a 16yo in a place where the legal age is 18. you have a choice.

your fear is more of having no control or choice i think. like god fucked you over and you can't do anything about it. you do have control

[Danioover9000]

@Buba  It is possible to resolve your own issue. I agree it's difficult and sometimes painful to change, but it's possible, not impossible. I've resolved my gayness this way.

  You wanted positive affirmations and visualizations that follow your intent? There's plenty in the internet, but nothing compares to this: your own intention, your own visualizations/affirmations, and the will to keep going. You designing your own way to resolve your issue yourself! However, there's a price: lots and lots and lots of hard work.

   Work on your will, work on your affirmations, work on your visioning, work on your prayers, work on your actions, work on letting go, work on your creative force!

   How do you think Allah came to be powerful? Just sitting and doing nothing? Or extreme hard work, to the point it does not need it's own image?

   

[ZenAlex]

On 20/01/2020 at 2:24 AM, Consept said:

It could be ocd, where you worry about being gay mainly because you're not. It also goes for gay people who worry they're straight. You'd need to read up on it to see if it fits you. Do you actually enjoy the feeling of being attracted to men or does it cause anxiety? 

This. 

Homosexual OCD and Pedophilia OCD are both real things.

Look it up OP.

lol "repressed gayness".

[Javfly33]

On 19/01/2020 at 5:48 PM, Buba said:

I am attracted to a man not just as active but passive as well. How come a man would like to be passive (receiver). It is so disgusting and depressing.

Do you realize that with judging that you are basically judging women ? Women are 'passive' in sex in the sense they receive a dick in the pussy lol . You basically are judging a part of sex with that. 

Edited March 21 by Javfly33